Make sure your boundaries keep you out of trouble
Boundaries in Love
We have talked about boundaries in our life and how necessary they are. They have to be established long before you being to date. Some of the boundaries you might want to consider are: is this person I’m dating trustworthy? Are they truthful? Are they in multiple relationships? Do they live with their parents? Do they have a job? Do they have good relationships with their parents? Are they responsible with money? Do they have good friends?
After you have thought about what you are looking for in a healthy relationship, now is the time to sit down, and write out your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t sell your boundaries out when someone comes into your life to fill a void. Selling out will only create more problems if you compromise your boundaries.
I got a call from a young man who was smitten with a woman he had just met. He said she was friendly, she enjoyed gambling, was a great cook. She also had 7 cats and was a night owl. “Ok, so what’s the problem?” I asked. “Well, you know I don’t gamble, I go to bed early and I am allergic to cats.” He replied. When I asked him why he wanted to date her he said she treats him nice, likes to talk and actually listens to him. He also noted that no one had ever been attracted to him like this woman. “So let me get this right. You’re attracted to a woman who gambles, has 7 cats and is a night owl?” I asked. “I know it sounds crazy”, he said. I agreed with him and advised him that I didn’t think the relationship would be a long term relationship for him. When I reminded him of the boundaries he set up for his dating relationships, he agreed he had set them aside. “Ok, ok you’re right! I will not pursue this relationship” he said. It’s a good thing he didn’t! It never would have worked out.
Remember, boundaries in your love life will keep you out of trouble. If you haven’t already written out what your boundaries should look like, do it today! List at least 5 boundaries you will not compromise no matter how perfect the person may appear in looks or wealth or fame! A young woman told me one day, “I don’t want to lose out by saying “no” to those I may be interested in.” All I can say is, “so what?”
If someone is challenging your boundaries right off the bat, it’s time to say “thanks, but no thanks.” This is not the time to be vacillating on your principle. Stick to your guns and spare the heartache by remaining true to yourself. The right person will come along, just wait and see! We all struggle with boundaries. Do you need help setting up your boundaries in your love life? Do you have difficulty telling people ‘no’ who push the limits of your boundaries? If you do, then I would suggest that you take some time to decide what your boundaries are.
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