Can you save you marriage alone?
Trying to save your marriage alone can be a long and daunting task. It takes a lot of energy and determination to figure out what you have to do. You can’t repeat fatal mistakes in your marriage. You need to learn from them and understand how they can implode your way of thinking and destroy any chances of saving your marriage. If you have issues with being truthful with your spouse, then it’s time to start working on being honest and fix the problem of being untruthful. Make sure you have heard your spouse and make a list of things they have told you that has caused them heartache and grief. If you can honestly look at what you have done to make things difficult in your marriage, then you are halfway there to understanding how to fix it.
Now let’s get back to my story and what you can learn from my attempt to save my marriage.
As I mentioned in last week’s article, I would call my wife to see if she needed anything. By this point in time, she had walked away and saw no reason to work on our marriage. I continued to work on the things my wife told me I needed to change. I never gave up hope.
Today, I coach and counsel many people in their effort to save their marriages. The tips I am giving you today work; you just have to be consistent and make a serious effort to make lasting changes. Trust me, your spouse will be watching and listening to see if you are being honest in what you say and do!
Over the years, I have asked couples who have been successful in saving their marriage, what worked for them and what advice they would share with those wanting to repair their broken marriage. Here is what they said:
• Don’t talk about your marriage problems with your co-workers, friends or family.
• Identify and then fix the mistakes you have made. Be open with your spouse as you talk about the issues you both identify in your marriage.
• Do not give your spouse a divorce; don’t make it easy. You should seek a lawyer if you need help with the finances and child support.
• Avoid getting friends and family to take sides. They will take sides if you gossip and talk bad about your spouse. That’s a fact!
• Don’t turn your friends, family, and especially your children against your spouse.
• Don’t try to fix your spouse. Work on the changes you need to make.
• Take one day at a time. Avoid looking at the weeks and months ahead.
• Be very careful what you tell people about your spouse. If it gets back to your spouse, you can be sure that it will be blown out of proportion. Gossip has a way of distorting the truth, along with your creditability.
• Commit 100% to saving your marriage. There is no point in working on it if you are not fully committed.
• Respect your spouse. Carefully choose your words. Hurtful words destroy and leave lasting feelings of bitterness.
Use these bullet points as starters when trying to decide on how to approach and plan to save your marriage. Take notes and listen carefully to what your spouse has been saying over the past several months, or even years. This is the starting point in which you can save your marriage.
You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: http://www.applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Don’t Give Up!