When Is The Last Time You Actually Listened To Me?

“When is the last time you actually listened to me? For years you have pretended to listen to me but you make no effort to do the things I am asking that would improve our marriage.” His wife was making a valid point and he didn’t disagree. He just nodded his head in agreement.

“What are you going to do about it?” she asked.  He thought about his answer as he stared up at the ceiling. Then he turned to his wife and said, “Oh, I have been listening to you and have even made a few changes but you have never acknowledged any of them.”  He went on to say, “You always complain about the things I don’t do; just like last weekend when I painted the living room and the two bedrooms you wanted painted, you never bothered to thank me. Don’t you think I would like to hear a ‘thank you’ once in a while?”  She responded, “I appreciate all that you do and you know that I love you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me!”

This couple had come to an understanding about listening to each other. He needed to acknowledge her when she spoke, and she needed to let him know that she appreciated all the things he did around the house. Can you imagine how many fights and disagreements could be avoided if people would show their gratitude or just listen!   It is amazing how simple some of the fixes are and how so many divorces and separations could be avoided.

Why not take an inventory of where your marriage is today and make the needed changes to have a better marriage? If you fight a lot, then sit down and talk about the differences that you have. List them and go over each item then find areas of compromise and begin fixing your marriage. I know and understand that there are some instances where a marriage cannot be saved and couples must go their separate ways.  One of the biggest problems in marriage is couples do not take the time to talk to each other. It’s clearly one of the biggest mistakes that cause divorce today. Here are my 5 tips to have a better marriage through communication:

1. Learn how to express your needs that you have in your marriage without brow beating.
2. Be a good listener when your partner speaks. Listen and don’t have a rebuttal forming in your mind as they share concerns.
3. Don’t jump to conclusions without the facts. There are plenty of explanations of why things happen.
4. If your talk starts to get heated, call a time out and talk at a later time. Don’t continue as the outcome will not be good for either of you.
5. When you talk together, complement your partner for the good things they do for you and the marriage. Creating a positive climate for your talk is key to a better understanding.

In closing, if you’re having a difficult time in communicating, call me. It’s better to fix it now than have your marriage end up in divorce.