Playing the victim Card (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks
It’s not only your kids that play the victim card, but bad marriages are ripe for one of the spouses playing the victim card as well. I have heard just about every kind excuse for a bad marriage possible. Most excuses are weak, and surely the victim card is used to get out of a bad marriage. Marriage can be hard when starting out and there is no marriage manual to follow when you get married. Most of us watched our parents and how they react to certain situations with each other. With the divorce rate at nearly 50%, you have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced these days. I think that those couples who can sit down with each other and talk things out have the best chance of making it. Yes, it can be hard work, but the payoff is incredible. Those who continue to play the victim card in their marriages most likely will not make it.
When you feel that your spouse is using the victim card on you call for a time out and have a serious talk immediately, don’t delay.
The approach I would take with someone using the victim card against you as a reason to divorce is present them with facts and figures. Don’t engage in petty arguments, give them honest facts and figures of how to restore your marriage. Don’t embellish your point, be reasonable and present in a clear, concise manner the point you’re trying to get across. The individual using the victim card against you in a bad marriage can be deadly and cause deep pain for the one on the receiving end the victim card. Here are some victim card excuses used to leave the marriage. The person using the victim card will blame it on family members, friends, and acquaintances and rarely take any responsibility for themselves.
- You never listen to me
- You don’t take me out anymore
- We have a roommate marriage
- Your parents don’t like me
- You don’t make enough money
- Our friends said neither one of us is happy
I think you get my point. When you start hearing someone use the victim card on you deal with it right away and don’t sit on it. The longer you allow your spouse to use the victim card there will be less chance of working things out. It’s never too late to repair your marriage, but it will take a lot more work to manage your marriage issue if you don’t confront the problem as soon as you can.