If You’re Considering Divorce (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I am amazed by the people wanting out of their marriages and the reasons why. I don’t question the intent of the person seeking a divorce as there are some good reasons to leave a marriage. But some of the reasons I hear seem to be knee jerk reactions out of anger or revenge. More often than not, once the person wanting the divorce cools off, cooler heads prevail. Then civil communication usually begins, and the couple tries to talk things over. That’s how it’s supposed to happen, so they say!There are many reasons why people divorce, some good and some bad. The ones that are the most common and that I hear: are falling out of love, physical and emotional adultery, drugs, and alcohol, spousal abuse, and abandonment. Most people who deal with these reasons for divorcing have some idea somethings not right in their marriage and want to move on with their lives. There is the small percentage of folks caught off guard that are so trusting that their partner would never cheat on them, then they find out their spouse cheated and are devastated and crushed. The drinking and drugs usually have warning signs that most people can see. There is so much damage that happens in a marriage when alcoholism is involved. One person is trying to survive why the other lives in denial. It’s a tough situation to be in.

Make sure that before you divorce that you check out all your options. Such as couples and individual counseling, or talking to someone you trust to give you good advice. Don’t rush  into get a divorce.

Divorce has stabilized the last ten years; there are many reasons for that. The availability of helpful resources from within the community, or churches. The economy is improving. This younger generation seems to communicate better with each other, and a host of other reasons.

I’ve spent years counseling couples and exposing the myths of divorce and how to overcome these myths with truth and facts. I have to be honest with my feelings. I have seen couples that didn’t have any reason for a divorce per say, but still went ahead and got divorced. It was hard for me to understand all the reasons these people divorce, but that’s their decision, not mine.

So here is the main reason for this article today on why people are considering divorce. In the many years that I have counseled and coached couples deciding if they wanted a divorce, here are few of the reasons for couples splitting up today.

• Emotional affairs: There is no physical intimacy in the beginning, but this can change over a period of time. The emotional affair usually starts through texting, phone contact or even Skype.
• Physical affairs: These usually happen when an individual is looking to have their needs met, physically, or emotionally. This starts out as friends and advances into something more. One or both of the people involved in a physical affair are both surprised by this.
• Alcohol and drug abuse: I have had some clients that had no clue that the person they married had any kind problems in this area. I have seen some individuals so traumatized by a spouse who lied about their drinking or drug habits.
• Physical abuse: Many divorces are a result of physical abuse. They are either hit, slapped, beaten, kicked, punched, pushed, shoved and fear for their lives. Both men and women can do this to their spouse. The damage this can cause the entire immediate family is heartbreaking.
• Emotional abuse: This is starting to become a bigger problem within marriages. The internet has advanced this problem by some of the music video’s showing mostly women being abused by men verbally. It’s a common sign that a marriage is headed for trouble once this begins.
• Lack of love, falling out of love, common interests, no passion, and unrealistic expectations. These are considered major distractions in marriage and are the most repairable yet can be annoying to the one who wants the marriage to work.

The issues that are affecting couples today can be several but integrated into one problem. For example, the emotional and physical affairs usually tend to be combined. I had one client several years ago ask his wife if she was having an emotional affair after he saw her texts on her phone, it escalated to “are you also having an intimate relationship as well.” It didn’t end well; the affair cost them their marriage.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!