The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (1)
Well Dr. Mike I’m about ready to go file for a divorce said the caller on the other end of the line. I can’t take it anymore, I’m finished, I’m done, it’s over! She is absolutely crazy, I can’t deal with her crazy mood swings any longer. She’s constantly wanting to fight with me and our children. She keeps telling our family and friends how wonderful she is and how everyone adores her. She’s constantly in front of the mirror admiring herself and her looks. When I confront her she tells I’m the problem and not her. She will tell me I should go work on myself and that I’m bipolar. You simply can’t reason with her. My kids want nothing to do with her. “What should I do” he asked?
Don’t blame the devil for your mistakes, own them yourself!
Sadly this problem is more common than most people realize. It’s a dilemma that many couples face around the globe. It’s also one issue that causes many divorces in the United States. For many the spouse in question will get a diagnosis from well meaning friends who also had partner who showed signs of narcissism or they knew somebody who supposedly was a narcissist. A narcissistic personality is pretty easy to spot if you live with them. They leave you wondering if you’re losing your mind or that you’re the one with the problem.
So the big question is, what should you do if you think you are married to a narcissist? What are your options when married to one or dating one. I get asked that question from time to time. Not everyone you have issues with or problems in your relationship is a narcissist. Let’s be totally clear on that. Some folks just don’t get along and that’s the way it is. Relationships can be difficult to maintain if there is dishonesty, trust issues, adultery, poor communication skills, etc.
With that said let’s look at the definition of narcissist 1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself. 2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
I had a client of mine who told me that a friend of his was so into himself. I really mean, he was always telling me how good looking he was. How women thought he was the best looking man they met. I would listen to him tell these stories whenever his ego needed a self boosting treatment. His self-inflated ego was just getting to be too much for me. My client dreaded seeing him drive up his driveway. He found projects that needed his immediate attention that sat around for years just to avoid spending time with him. When he would show up unannounced it created a new bad habit for my client and that was clock watching. He would watch the second hand on the clock just to kill time as he spoke.
His friend could be very cold hearted towards someone who wouldn’t agree with him on any level. He would just write them off. He has done that to so many of his lifelong friends. Many of his friends would avoid his phone calls or any invitation to have lunch or dinner with him. Yet he never saw this as his problem but theirs.
Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555