“Dr. Mike, you have no idea what I am going through. There is so much pain. Nobody can help me! I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. I can’t focus on my job. I am consumed by the possibility that my marriage may be ending and I don’t want it to end. I want to save it. How can I do that?” I listened on the phone to my client who was having a really bad day. She was in meltdown out of fear of losing her husband. I get the same kind calls from men who want to save their marriage.
Unwittingly, there are several things we may do as spouses that can drive our partner away. When men and women are hurting, they say and do things that can drive a wedge between each other.
Groveling, pleading, clinging and begging are big ones. Non-stop talking is another. Bartering is also damaging to relationships. And, not allowing time and space for healing is another. If you are having difficulty figuring these things out, call me and make an appointment. I can help you stop doing the damage that is preventing you from saving your marriage. Those of you who are experiencing the possibility of losing your marriage take heed in what I am telling you. If you continue to try to fix your marriage by yourself without help you can severely damage any chances of reconciliation. Don’t delay getting help. The sooner you start working on saving your marriage, the better.
Here are my quick tips to start the healing process. These are just a few but they work.
- Don’t argue in front of your children
- Avoid questioning and accusing your spouse
- Don’t use assumptions when talking with your spouse
- Don’t interrupt while they are speaking, learn to listen
- Learn forgiveness for yourself and your partner
- Know when to walk away from a heated discussion
- Keep your children out of your disagreements (find a place to talk)
- Work on better communication
- If you’re wrong, admit it (put the pride away)
It’s really easy to forget what the issues are when in a heated argument. Stick to the talking points. Don’t poison your talk with hurtful words, accusations, historical events that took place over a year ago. If you have a bad habit of doing any of these things, STOP! You both need to be healthy for each other and you need to learn how to be healthy.
I can teach you how to be healthy so your spouse can see that you are making changes for yourself and willing to work on the marriage. A little change can go a long way. If you continue on improving the way you communicate, act towards him/her, on being a marriage partner instead of a roommate, a loving and caring spouse, then there is hope for your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, it has to start with you. Are you ready and willing to take the next steps? Are you willing to invest in your marriage, yourself and your spouse? Take the next step and contact Dr. Mike for a free 20 minute complementarity phone call to see if he can help you.