For those of you married to someone who takes “the easy way out” there are things you can do to help ease your pain. First of all, I know many of you would like to know how to confront those who take the easy path from any form of confrontation. I think if you have a workable thought-out plan that would help you in deciding how you should react and talk to the “the easy way out” person. At least you would have some control in your relationship, right? Here are a few of my tips that might help you:
• When dealing with “the easy way out” person, make sure your plan is detailed and you know it well.
• When talking with them, don’t have a hidden agenda. Be open and honest with them. Most likely if you just drop something on them they will bail on your conversation.
• Stick to facts and figures. Be tactful on how you present your position. Don’t talk down to them or badger them into answering your questions.
• Ask if they understand your questions. You can’t force someone to be a part of your discussion if they aren’t willing to talk, end it on the spot, if you don’t you will only get aggravated and angry.
• Clarify and listen to responses carefully. Miscommunication is the number one problem in understanding each other.
• If the person you’re speaking with decides that the talk is over and they get up and leave, don’t grovel, beg and plead for them to continue a conversation they have no interest in.
I believe most people want to be able to clarify their position and resolve personal conflict between each other. How it’s done by you is key. If you know the person that you will be talking to hates any form of confrontation, let them know that confrontation is not that bad. Where it becomes a problem is when people start making faces, raise their voice, have poor body language and presentation, etc. In actuality 10%, of how people will respond to you is based on what you say. The other 90% is entirely nonverbal and where people get upset. Pointing fingers, making facial expressions while someone is talking to you is not going to help your cause. Best to be sincere and non-combative when confronting someone.
From the clients that I’ve worked with and observed, when couples confront each other, it’s best to let the (spouse you are confronting) know that you have their best interests at heart as well as yours. That avoiding a talk that has confrontation in it will never resolve anything. Get it done and out of the way. Be careful in what you say and how you say it. That’s very important for having good communication. In closing, make sure that you don’t avoid talking with your spouse, confront in love, respect answers that your spouse shares with you. Be patient with the one who is not a very good communicator. Good communication takes time and practice. You can do it!!!
Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these question, give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services