Divorce Counseling

Facing Your Giants (4)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue facing your giants; look at what causes some of the giants you face. So my question for you today: what are the Giants you’re facing and want help and confront today? You may have one or several Giants that control you.

The giant of self-doubting is huge for many of us; how many of you have had this problem? I sure have, and on many levels. Many doubt that they are good enough for their spouses, their jobs, and their families. I often felt self-doubt in my sports career, I competed with many great athletes and was very hard on myself when playing against these guys. I had great expectations for myself in the weight room but often questioned my abilities on the field. I had one coach who believed in my on-the-field athletic abilities and would often recognize and compliment me in front of the team after we went into the locker room after a game. It was then that I realized the pressure that I was putting on myself was not necessary. The same went for other areas in my life relating to self-doubt. It’s hard to believe that a football coach helped me see through my self-doubt and trust in my athletic abilities and how that would translate in real life.

Often self-doubt is a feeling of uncertainty or distrust. Example: I had self-doubts about my athletic ability or doubting people’s words (many have said things that they do and never followed up with making things happen). It could be a point in which one is uncertain or skeptical about trusting people as well. This is a big giant for many people.

Loneliness is often described as sadness because one has no friends or company to be with. I often wonder how many people are lonely because it’s self-inflicted. They make no point in making friends and are perfectly ok with no friends whatsoever. How sad that must be; you don’t share holidays, birthdays, or special occasions. Some people avoid being around others; honestly, I don’t fault these people. It’s the way they want to live their lives. I had a client years ago who wanted to divorce her spouse. She didn’t want to be married any longer and decided to end the marriage of 25 years. She filed for divorce against the wishes of her husband. She packed up her belongings and moved out of state. This shocked the entire family; she wanted nothing to do with them. To this day, her kids have honored her wishes and know nothing about their mother. She refuses to contact any of her children.

I look at someone like this and their actions that have caused a great deal of heartache. So the question I often get is, how do you deal with loneliness if it is hard to make friends? This is where I suggest you learn how to reach out to others and get involved with their lives. Yes, it may be uncomfortable, but it is necessary to end the loneliness that you’re experiencing. Make a point to join social clubs, a gym, a book club, find a group at church, or join a professional association from work. There are ways to get involved. To end loneliness, you need to take the first step in making things happen. I know that this is a giant for many of you. If you’re lonely and need help in overcoming this, I can help you with that. Call me. Next week we will continue the article facing your giants and see if any of the giants you face are ones others face as well.

Do you need help in overcoming the giants of your past? Do you struggle with memories of broken relationships, illness, self-worth, and confidence? What are the giants that you currently face and need help in defeating them? Giants can be debilitating and keep you from enjoying life and successful life. Call Dr. Mike, and he can help you through the process of facing your giants head-on and help you to move forward with your life. Why live in a defeated and hurtful past when you can enjoy a stress-free present and future?

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom (if you want to Zoom with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878! You’ll be glad you did!

Facing Your Giants (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue my article on Facing Your Giants. First, let’s look at what causes some of the giants we face. So my question for you today is: what are the Giants you’re facing and need help confronting today? You may have one or several Giants that control you; over the next several weeks, we’ll address several of them you may be facing. First, I will share with you one of my biggest Giants: Abandonment. I was raised in a military family, and we moved worldwide. We never stayed in one place very long, and it was rare that you would make any real friends because you’d soon move to another base. My parents were always at officers’ parties in the evening, and my sister and I were dropped off at the babysitters on the base. As soon as my sister and I found out that another night was going to be spent at the babysitter’s, I would beg not to go. I was only six years old and remembered feeling abandoned by my mom and dad. That was a painful childhood memory and stayed with me until I finally dealt with the problem. So, I’ll sit back and reminisce and ask myself, what are the Giants I have stored in the back of my mind and want to get rid of? I knew I needed help and wanted to have a clear conscience. So what are your giants, and what are your next steps to deal with them?

I will cover the ones I know personally and have helped my clients deal with in a one-on-one counseling/coaching session. Let’s talk if you relate to any of these and want to come to some resolution in eliminating them. I have some great idea’s on how to resolve them. Don’t let your Giants hold you back from becoming all you can be or do. Let’s look at these Giants and how to deal with them.

Fear, what are you fearful of? Fear can hold you back in many ways. It can prevent you from moving forward in your family, life, and work. Here is a definition of fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Fear has many names and strikes many of us at all levels. The fear of death is very real for most people, especially people over the age of 60 years old. When I talk to people about death, I ask them what is their biggest fear, believe it or not, dying alone! I am a pretty positive person, and I ask them about family and friends and do they have close people in their lives. Then I ask them about their health, are they exercising and eating right? I give them a talk about how they can improve their health by living a healthy lifestyle. Fear of death can be looked at in a logical way, and solutions can be found if only you focus on finding answers. . Next week we will continue the article facing your giants and see if any of the giants you face are ones others face as well.

Do you need help in overcoming the giants of your past? Do you struggle with memories of broken relationships, illness, self-worth, and confidence? What are the giants that you currently face and need help defeating them? Giants can be debilitating and keep you from enjoying life and successful life. Call Dr. Mike, and he can help you through the process of taking your giants head-on and help you to move forward with your life. Why live in a defeated and hurtful past when you can enjoy a stress-free present and future?

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom (if you want to Zoom with Dr. Mike, send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878! You’ll be glad you did!

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was shopping at a Home Depot store and watched a disabled man trying to walk through the paint department isles along with his wife. He was struggling to walk through obstacles that were placed in the aisle. He was frail and in pain as he walked. I was close enough to hear their discussion about the color of paint for a room they wanted to be painted. He was trying to get a color of paint that would brighten the room he liked to sit in.

She laid into him and said loud enough for everyone to hear, “if we get that color of paint, you can paint the room yourself” I could see the hurt on his face and the embarrassment of her tongue lashing he received in public. I thought to myself, how would I deal with this behavior from my wife? I’m not sure what I would do. I feel that there is life and death in the tongue by the way we speak to each other. I’m not judging her whatsoever; who knows what was going on before I heard their discussion. Maybe he was hard on her by some of the things he said prior to going to home depot.

Our words are always being measured by the things we say and how we say them. I’m sure you have heard the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words,” or “Taste your words before you say them.” Growing up in a military family, I watched my dad and how he treated my mom. He was always saying encouraging words to her. I never saw my parents argue or have heated debates. They were respectful in what they said to each other.

I have seen couples in my office that lost control of the words they spoke to each other. I could see the facial expression of the one spouse who was on the receiving end of verbal abuse. The damaging effects it has can be a lifetime of painful memories. I’m sure all of us have been in some form of disagreement with our spouses. We may be justified in how we feel, but how we share that frustration is vital to having a healthy marriage. I believe that most failed marriages are a result of extremely poor communication. How we relate to each other without demanding our own way in a heated argument is pretty important.

Sometimes we just have to step back and evaluate what the costs are of winning an argument. Is it worth it if it means saying harsh and cruel words toward your spouse? Do you need to be sarcastic to prove a point? Are your war of words necessary to crush the spirit of your spouse for a short gain win? If you know that you’re about to get into a disagreement, then both of you should know the rules of a verbal disagreement. Next week we will continue with our series, The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help using uplifting words to those you know, and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words about you? Are you hurting over a past relationship where someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life, but you’re still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call, and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone; you can call him at 303.880.9878 or via Zoom. If you’re interested in a Zoom call with Dr. Mike, send him an e-mail and let him know. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

It was a perfect day for a wedding in the park. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the smell of spring was in the air.  As the guests were being escorted to their seats, quiet laughing, whispers, and giggling could be heard. These were beautiful sounds of joy where people gathered together to celebrate the union of two hearts. Some of the guests hadn’t seen each other in years and were reconnecting with hugs and smiles.

This went on for several minutes while chamber music played in the background. I watched as the groomsmen took their places in front of the wedding guests. The pastor followed shortly thereafter.  Finally, the wedding march played and everyone stood in honor of the bride as she walked down the aisle with her father. You could hear the cameras clicking and sounds of delight as the beautiful bride joined the wedding party at the front.  I wasn’t too far from the front when I noticed the mother-of-the-bride was seated next to the groom’s mother. Her father was on the other side of the aisle. It didn’t take long to figure out what was going on:  the family of divorce. Her parents couldn’t put their differences aside for just a few hours, even at their daughter’s wedding.  Unfortunately, this is way too common these days.

There are many complications to divorce, and going to special occasions and family events can bring great stress to one or both parties. Weddings seem to cause the greatest stress more often than not. Many times, certain family members will side with the one who was on the receiving end of the divorce. Tension in the air is a natural byproduct of divorce. It was sad to watch this scenario play out from a distance. It was immediately apparent that the bride’s parents were uncomfortable with each other. Weddings can be the most difficult for children of divorce. Graduation parties are next in line.

Most people going through a divorce don’t have the ability to look down the road and see family events as a problem until it’s too late. If it was a friendly divorce, which they rarely are, then family gatherings may be easy to participate in. If it was a bitter divorce, family gatherings might be very difficult to face. A friend of mine, whose divorce was a bitter fight, was told that he and his new wife were the only ones allowed to attend his daughter’s wedding.  To add insult to injury, he was not allowed to make the toast to his daughter and her new husband. Clearly, this was a very awkward wedding ceremony and wedding dinner. The bride’s mother and her new husband were taking on her ex-husband while using the daughter’s wedding as a power trip. This is just one aspect of the ugliness of divorce that few consider when contemplating divorce.

So how do you deal with the fear of weddings and social occasions with your ex-spouse? There are many ways to deal with these family events, especially if it was a bitter divorce. One way it to write a letter to let your ex know that you want to put your differences aside and make sure that your child has the best wedding ever. Agree to have family members keep their opinions to themselves on that special day. There is no reason for conflict at a wedding. If you (or a family member) cannot control your emotions then don’t go! Why stir up a hornet’s nest with wedding guests and ruin the day for the bride and groom?  This day belongs to them. Remember that! This is a day when you want to create wonderful memories for your children, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends. You certainly don’t want to be the talk of the town for all the wrong reasons!

Do you worry there may be some friction between you or your ex at your next family event? Do you think there will be problems with some of the wedding guests? Is your son or daughter concerned about some of the people invited to their wedding? If you answered yes to any of these questions and need someone to talk to that can help you address these and other concerns then call me! If you have a son or daughter getting married in the near future and need help in knowing how to deal with your ex-spouse or other wedding guests, give me a call!  I can help you!

Divorce counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.880-9878 or via Zoom. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Counseling for those who live out of the Denver metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

Tis the Season of Stress By Dr. Michael Brooks

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year, Christmas is fast approaching, and with it, the rise in arguments, separations and divorces. There is a reason for the rise in separation, divorces, and arguments during the winter holidays. Can you guess what those are?

One primary reason is that couples will fight over money on what to spend and where the family will spend the holidays. In-laws come in all shapes and sizes when it has to do with their attitudes and opinions toward your spouse. Some in-laws will embrace your spouse and think they are the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law since sliced bread. Then some in-laws, on the other hand, will think that your spouse is a direct descendant of the devil himself. Your spouse can’t do anything right no matter how hard they try. Many in-laws will try to talk their son or daughter into divorcing the son or daughter-in-law just because they don’t like them. Believe me; this happens more often than you can imagine. Money seems to be a problem around the holidays, especially Christmas. When one parent starts to buy outside the budget and does not inform the other parent, problems will start to happen. Arguments will happen, and the well-meaning mom or dad will wish they had consulted with the other parent before their spending spree.

I’m sure we all want to make our kid’s Christmas fun and create some memories that will last a lifetime. I had a client whose wife would buy her husband and two kids presents. The day after Christmas, she would take most of the presents back to the store where she bought them and get her money back. She couldn’t afford the gifts, yet the emotional damage she caused her husband and kids was a lasting pain they will never forget.

To prevent any arguments, I suggest that you have a budget meeting with your spouse on what you plan to spend and do this together. If you live within your means, there will be less arguing between you and your spouse. Here’s a question that you both need to go over, are the gifts necessary, like clothes, shoes, and school items? What do you want to spend on fun things, toys, games, bikes, etc.? Stay within your budget.

I know that teenagers can be challenging to buy for during Christmas, but you still have to plan for it. Maybe you want to get gift cards for clothes, Amazon, or electronics. Having some simple idea’s on your spending options will prevent problems down the road. If you’re on a tight budget, then I suggest that spending quality time with your kids can be lots of fun. Have a game night, make popcorn and play the games your kids like and enjoy. Go to the movies together, and spend time talking about their favorite parts and why. The more time you spend being with the kids, the less time they will dwell on what they didn’t get from you. Most kids understand the lack of funds and why no gifts are under the tree. Have activities that are geared towards the kids, like making Christmas cookies together, bless others with the cookies that you make, and have the kids be a part of delivering them. The joy they will bring to others is amazing.

Next week I will be writing about the way you communicate with your spouse and family members. An important topic during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because your spouse and the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse and children need improvement? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you can contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow the loneliness of the holidays to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Zoom with Dr. Mike, send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

In the course of our lives, I’m sure we have come across people that were not good or healthy for us. Some of these people would ultimately get us into trouble and cause pain for those around us. Possibly some people may have changed the course of our lives, and we still to this day, regret getting involved with them. Are there people who you avoid today? Remember that the wrong people will tend to drag us down with them. I have seen over the years many people follow the wrong crowd and have paid dearly with their marriages, their health, their integrity, and their families. For what reason but their pleasures? The pain of divorce continues until you get help! The pain from an unhealthy relationship isn’t worth the headaches it will cause you!

I had a friend of mine back in the fourth grade named Pete. This kid was a troublemaker, and I knew it. I was a shy kid who didn’t have many friends; we had just moved to the states from Germany. Pete was a bully, and kids were afraid of him. I saw Pete as someone who didn’t have a lot of friends as well. He often picked fights to show our classmates he ruled our fourth-grade class. One day he walked up to a physically challenged boy in our class and hit him for no reason at all, and started making fun of his disability. I knew right then, and there I wanted to have nothing to do with Pete. I avoided him whenever I could. One day Pete decided to start hitting me because I avoided him. Being a shy kid, he eventually stopped hitting me because I wouldn’t fight back. Even at that early age, I knew Pete was someone I should never hang around with; he was the wrong kind of person. Funny how I knew that as a kid.

Are there specific people you need to break off friendships with or avoid certain situations that could cause you to compromise your morals, ethics, or integrity? If you have a gut feeling about someone who isn’t good to have a friendship with, don’t! If you are listening to someone who wants you to compromise your integrity and wants you to be a part of it, run from that person as fast as you can!

I had a client many years ago who felt he needed to spice up his marital relations with his wife. So he, without asking her, subscribed to an adult channel so they both could watch it and get some ideas for their bedroom. She was appalled and forbid him to watch pornography in her presence. He thought his actions were innocent and let her know that she was a prude. His supposedly watching porn to help them in the bedroom became an addiction. He is now addicted to pornography, and both are divorced. She couldn’t deal with his addiction and felt emotionally cheated on. He kept telling her it was harmless and that she needed counseling. Pornography is one of the leading causes of divorce. Next week we will be covering dealing with gossip in your life.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in the wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs and alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Zoom. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Cell: 303.880.9878