Can I Save My Marriage Alone? (Part 9)

Fight for your marriage while you can!

The Loveless marriage, I had a couple who asked me can you help us save our marriage, even though we don’t act as a married couple, but roommates? This problem is more common then realized. Many couples live in the same house but live as common roommates. While one heart breaks in this type of marriage, the other continues to live in a different world. A world of no accountability, no hope or dreams. If this is a marriage that you are involved in there is hope for you.

Those in a roommate marriage are most likely to stay status quo until someone either has had enough and wants to move on or they find someone who convinces them they are in a bad spot and should leave the marriage. If you realize that you are in a loveless marriage and want to do something about it now is the time. I suggest that you sit down with your partner and discuss ways to start repairing your relationship. Make a list that looks at areas you need to communicate and come to some agreement on how to do the next steps. For example, one of you has fallen out of love, how do you revive the love and fall in love again? You may want to have a date night and talk about why and how you fell in love. Look at the good times that you had when courting each other. You may want to try some of the things that worked back then. Go on evening walks, hold hands share some of the good memories you shared. Break the down the monotony you are experiencing. Change gears, do things you have talked about but were afraid to try them. Try sky diving, or take a drive to a new part of the state. You may want to start going to some different restaurants instead of the old standby. My point is getting you to try different things to spice up a loveless marriage.

You may be the partner who wants to try to improve your relationship. If that’s the case then you will be the one who has to do all the planning in the beginning. You may have your partner wondering what’s going on and you can explain that after you start your planned event. Being spontaneous is key to making things happen. I like the spur of the moment events. They work well if planned right. This is something to think about and consider in a loveless marriage.

Breaking down the walls of adultery, can it be done? I was sitting in the back of church while the pastor was preaching about the history of the Red Barron a German WWI flying ace. The Red Barron was the most recognized pilot during world war one. The Barron shot down many American, English and French pilots. In fact he wrote the book on Tactical dogfights. Everybody who flew knew how dangerous the Barron was. This pastor caught my attention as he preached about the Barron and my love for military history. The sermon was really good, it was about following your own desires and how they can cause you to crash and burn. The Red Barron, didn’t follow his own advice from the book he wrote about tactical air battles, when he went after a plane low to the ground, and was killed by a British sniper on the ground. He got so focused on the plane he was attacking, he never knew how close he was to the enemy lines, and died because of his mistake.

My client heard that message in church and applied it to the several affairs he had had over the years. In fact, after hearing the message, he was clearly upset in hearing the example on how the Red Barron died, the Barron died by not following a rule of air combat that he wrote about, don’t stray too close to the ground and enemy lines. In this man’s case don’t stray from the marriage.

My client, drove by my house the following morning to talk me at 3:30 AM, he saw no lights, then tried calling, he was so distraught and needed to talk about his pain of having an affair. The wife contacted me and asked if I would talk to her husband, she suspected that he was having an affair. I told her, yes, I will be more than happy to sit down with her husband and talk with him. Then she told me that she was going to divorce him after we talked. She found several e-mails where he was writing other women and meeting them at bars and dance clubs. I asked her to hold off on filing for divorce until I could sit down and talk with him. She agreed. I met with her husband, and we had a long serious talk about his affairs, he denied them at first, but over the course of 3 hours, he slowly admitted that he had them.

Exposing affairs are very painful and can lead to years of pain if not dealt with properly and quickly. There is no guarantee that telling your spouse about your affair will save the marriage. It would be better hearing it from you then having someone call them and asking “Did you know your spouse was seen with another woman/man” That’s when most likely there is no chance in saving your marriage. If telling your spouse about your affair helps you get rid of the guilt and you want to rebuild your marriage this is the route to go. Next week’s article will continue “can I save my marriage alone.”

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4 Responses to Can I Save My Marriage Alone? (Part 9)

  1. Audrey Hona says:

    The road to a happy marriage is far from easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrate all too well, many couples opt not to complete the journey.

  2. Barb says:

    Experts say it can take up to 8 years to fully recover emotionaly, spiritually and financially from a divorce. Clearly you aren’t ready to trust at the level of marriage. There is nothing wrong with a long engagement. Just explain yourself to her, your past hurts, express you know you want to spend the rest of your life with her, but prefer to take it a bit slow. If she loves you….she’ll understand. If she doesn’t, save yourself both time and effort. However, after 3 years, you should really know if you’re ready to commit to marriage.

  3. robert xavier says:

    hello :
    Every marriage has its ups and downs, but when you hit a really rough spot, where do you turn? Sure, there’s couples counseling, but not every couple (and definitely, let’s face it, not every guy) takes to it. In fact, just as every relationship is different, so is the recipe for fixing it

    I will pass this article on to you about saving the marriage.
    You can save the marriage..

    This article and rich source explains how to save the marriage

    Hope it helps


  4. Sayali says:

    It is not easy to getting dirvoce. It will take many hard steps and feeling guilty to shame and angry. dating is hope to find someone which you did not find in your marriage who can understands you make you smile, happy, enjoy each others company and possibly complete other half which you lost for years ago.Dating and meeting men are so difficult and hard to find true gentleman these days. it does not mean that you will not have hard bumps on the road. I would take my time to observe and listen and watch the manners of the person for a long time to introduce to my children. I would be careful to compare former husband to new comers in front of my family and children. I would never complaint the my past experiences to new person. I would be financially safe and secure. I would not accept immediate dinner dates but rather have a lunch dates for a while and lunch dates will be perfect to find out many things about men. I would not have long distance trips with person which it may backfire at you in the future unless you trust and comfortable, confidence in your heart that he is the person you can have a great chemistry and loving friendship and relationship and love and laughter and smile on your face and heart. I wish that new year bring you and family and children much happiness.. sincerely

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