My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 69. He was a smoker and had been for years and for some unexpected reason he just up and quit. We still don’t know the reason why he did. I wonder if it was a Doc who told him to, or did it just do it on his own?
Anyway, he talked with the cancer Docs and they suggested a few options of dealing with his cancer. One was getting part of the lung removed with chemo, the other was chemo alone, and his other option was radiation therapy. When dad and I talked he said he wanted the surgery and the Doc’s told our family as we gathered together that this was the best option and would give my dad years to live. I remember hearing one Doc say you will have your dad around for many, many years! I was ecstatic and so were my brothers, sister and mother. Dad had his surgery and started his PT at the hospital. Everything was going great until 5 days later, he was having difficulty breathing. Then I received the phone call that evening he passed away.
I thought to myself, the Docs said that he would have a long life, that he would be home soon and enjoy life! My brothers and I wanted to sue the Doc’s and the hospital for causing his death. We called some lawyers and they were interested in this wrongful death lawsuit. My life was upside down and I realized it consuming me, was my anger and bitterness out of control? My heart told me to forgive yet my attitude told me to continue the fight. I remember how I was like my friend, would tell anyone I met about my dad’s death and how it was the fault of the doctors.
I’m sure when they saw me coming they avoided me and didn’t want to hear my story again! I shared with my friend how this impacted me with my friends, family members, and acquaintances. I asked him if he thought his sister’s death was an accident, and he said yes. There was no drunk driver involved, no drugs, it was an accident, yes it was painful and hard on the entire family. It was time to let go of the un-forgiveness and move on with the good memories of his sister. He did that and is feeling the pressure slowly going away. He told me he was letting it go one day at a time. When you forgive someone it is a process done in stages, it’s not an overnight happening. Next week I will share my thoughts on how un-forgiveness hurts us in all our relationships inside and outside our homes and sphere of influences.
Here are my thoughts and musings on un-forgiveness:
• Look back at the times you have wronged someone and how they forgave you.
• Ask yourself the question what is the point of holding on to un-forgiveness where does it get me?
• Sometimes people do and say stupid things without knowing it we all do.
• Look at how your un-forgiveness has affected your family, friends and even coworkers.
• Do you feel depression coming on when you think about the person who has wronged you?
• Do you lose sleep thinking about that person who hurt you?
• Are you obsessed and wanting to seek revenge? Where will that get you possible jail time or banned being with friends and family.
• If your struggling with un-forgiveness then talk with a counselor/coach who can guide you through the process of letting go.
“Forgiveness is the one gift you don’t give to others. Rather, it is the gift you give yourself so you can finally be free.”
? Shannon L. Alder
“Learn to forgive others so that you can release yourself from being held captive by the very negative thoughts around you.”
? Stephen Richards
Are you harboring un-forgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Are you wanting to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions give me a call at 303.456.0555.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
People tend to do things that may cause us to hate us and sometimes forgiveness is just the hardest thing to give. But we simply can’t live that way, at some point we need to let go and forgive others for the wrong doings they did on us. It’s not an easy process but as they say, time heal all wounds and we will learn to forgive them as well.