“State Of The Union” (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks
In continuing from last week’s article we are wrapping up with this short series article titled “The State Of The Union.” How to have a better marriage while learning to communicate well with each other. This week I have listed several questions that you can sit down with your partner and go over the questions with them. Marriages can always get better no matter how well you think they are. How does a good marriage happen, by checking in from time to time with your partner. Don’t wait till your relationship is in trouble to begin your talks.
I get lots of questions from the articles I write and believe me several article idea’s have come from you my readers. I thought the question I received below is a great question and worth sharing my thoughts on. Just a side note feel free to email me with your questions or give me a call anytime. So here is the question I received last week.
“Dr. Mike, I would just love to sit down with my husband and talk about where our marriage is going. He’s a good man, I know he loves me but I want to know what he thinks about our marriage. I want to ask him how I can be a better wife to him and share how he can be a better husband to me. Am I wrong in my thinking?” Lori in Golden, CO
Not at all Lori, by the way this is a great question. I listed below some helpful hints for having a state of the union meeting. One that will help you communicate effectively.
• How do you see our future together? Do you know what that looks like from your perspective and your partners perspective? Do you have plans for the next 5, 10 and 15 years. What are your goals for yourself and your relationship? Have you planned out your vacations, bucket lists, retirement?
• Do you honestly trust me? Trust is huge in a marriage and without it you will have a difficult time moving forward and growing your marriage. This question can be a difficult one to ask. Yet, if you feel like it’s not there then it needs to be addressed and not put off for another day. Trust is earned and not demanded.
• How do you truly feel about our relationship? If you feel it’s on the downward slope and want to salvage it then it’s imperative to seek help immediately, don’t delay and think it will get better on its own. Most likely it will not and you will need the tools to help you gain control and heal your relationship.
• Are we both willing to make the necessary changes needed to have a better marriage? If you’re both willing and see the importance of agreeing to making changes then you’re headed in the right direction. If you feel that making changes is against your best interests then you will need help in finding a compromise that will work for you. Both must be willing to come to the table and talk things out. Some people are not interested in doing anything to help improve or repair a relationship.
• Are we going through a bad time? Most relationships have the good and bad times. We may be angry at our spouse for doing or saying something stupid, that doesn’t mean we’re madly in love with them when do dumb things. Ask the question are we going through a bad time or is this a serious issue that we may need help on.
• Do you feel accepted by your spouse? If you are struggling with feeling loved and appreciated and accepted by your spouse. It’s very important to feel support from the one you love and if you don’t feel that you need to speak up and let them know. If your spouse has been saying they don’t feel loved and appreciated by you, then you need to show them or find ways of appreciation. Doing things for them that they need and like are key ways to show them they are accepted by you.
• Do you want out of the marriage? If you feel that your marriage is at a breaking point or hopeless then you need to ask this question. You need to know if they are willing to get some help to try to salvage your relationship and get counseling. If not then you need to prepare for next steps and move forward. Remember divorce is not cheap and once you start the process it’s going to be hard on both of you.
These are a few state of the union questions I would ask your spouse when you’re ready. Use questions that are helpful and not judging them. The role of a judger question is not helpful when you’re simply trying to promote good conversation to build a better marriage. The state of the union should be done without any interruptions. Turn off your cell phones, TV and focus on each other. That’s key!
Do you need a state of the union meeting with your partner and are concerned on how it will be rejected? Do you want a meeting with your spouse and need guidelines to help you? Is your marriage on the brink of divorce and you want to try to save it before going to divorce court? Dr. Mike I’m not sure how this state of the union works and need some more information on it can I call you?
If you answered yes to any of these questions feel free to give Dr. Mike a call he can help you with your next steps.
In addition, online/phone Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.