NEW – Conversations about divorce with Dr. Mike Brooks and Teddi Ann Barry – 2-10-2018
There will be a series of Pod-Casts with my co-host Teddi Ann. Teddi Ann Barry is one of the premier family law attorneys in the state of Colorado. We will discuss the pro’s and con’s of divorce in a matter of fact way.
When should you seek a lawyer about divorce or talk to a counselor/coach about saving your relationship. There will be some great tips for those considering staying or leaving a relationship.
The purpose of this radio show is to provide you with some insights from our radio show hosts and our staff of experts that can walk you through the process of finding answers that are applicable to your relationship needs. We’ll occasionally have various guests that work with couples considering divorce, separation, or haven’t gotten over their divorce.
Men and Women interactions, do we really understand each other?
Do men and women really say what they mean? Do they express their needs in an articulate way? I think watching the video will certainly open your eyes to the way we speak to each other. I always say to people in Counseling or Coaching sessions “say what you mean” get it out there. Don’t beat around the bush.
A woman ponders the stack of dirty dishes and remarks, “boy, there are a lot of dishes.” Her husband continues watching television. An hour later, she explodes. “I can’t believe you,” she scowls. “What’s the matter?” he asks. “I asked you to help with the dishes and you’re just sitting there.” “You did? No you didn’t.”
Here are the two halves of the communication equation that causes so many problems between men and women:
- A woman expects a man to notice, to be aware. If there were a connection between them, he’d know what she wants.
- A man expects direct communication, an explicit request. If somebody wants something done, she should ask for it.
It’s Not About The Nail!
The short video “It’s Not About the Nail” by Jason Headly, pokes fun at a dilemma that many couples can relate to – one person is upset about something and is looking for emotional support from the partner, while the other partner only wants to try to solve and fix the problem.
We all know how frustrating it can be to see a clear and obvious solution to a problem, to want to help someone fix it, and to have them not take our advice. We also all know how upsetting it can be to have someone not listen to our feelings, not validate our suffering, not just stop for a minute and take our perspective and let us know they understand.
Just because someone has a nail sticking out of their head doesn’t mean they don’t deserve the chance to express their feelings and have them validated. Perhaps they don’t yet understand that the nail is the problem. Perhaps they do, and they just need some emotional support before they will be able to do anything about it.
And just because someone is trying to problem solve with you, doesn’t mean they’re not listening and they don’t care about your feelings. In fact, it likely means they care deeply about your well-being and want you to be okay. They’re desperately trying to ease your pain.
Once you develop and use insight into yourself, your partner, and the dilemma, then you need to commit to finding a solution that takes both people’s needs into account. You need to join together in an “us against the problem” stance rather than a “me against you” stance.