What Are Your Auto Responders (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same.

Don't Give Up!

Don’t Give Up!

We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right?

I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away.

Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto Responders? (2)

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same.

There is always hope if you're willing to fight for your marriage

Don’t let your knee jerk reactions hinder your auto responders

We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right?

I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away.

Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto Responders (1)

What are your Auto-responders? (1) by Dr. Michael Brooks

How many times have you been caught off guard by what someone said about you? I sure have! So, let me ask you, how should we respond to an verbal insult or someone that questions our motives in private or out in public? Maybe we didn’t like what something was said about us and it wasn’t true. Or, we simply didn’t like what we were hearing and we got angry. I think it’s pretty easy to cut to the bone with our comeback remarks. When we knowingly hurt the person who said something to us that we didn’t like to hear, then it’s time to question our motives. I hear and see this behavior all the time in my office or on the phone calls I take. Most people will respond out of hurt or embarrassment to a snarky remark directed at them. We’ve all done it and yes even to some of the people we love and respect.

I want To Save My Marriage, But How?

I want To Save My Marriage, But How?

I think Abraham Lincoln was the king of come backs of auto-responders in the political world. During his debates with Douglas he would use his humorous auto responders to engage with Douglas. Not to belittle Douglas but to drive a point home on his personal values and principles to the American people. Douglas would personally attack Lincoln on his appearance and size. And Lincoln kept his cool under pressure and said nothing that made him look foolish but engaged the people with his wit and humor. He was wise in using his auto responders and it kept him out of trouble.

How effective are auto responders and when can I use them you may ask? They can be used anytime at home, in any and all relationships, even at work. Auto responders are used to disarm people who are verbally putting you down. Thus giving you time to excuse yourself and leave. It’s that simple.

In many marriage conflicts there are many unhealthy exchanges between spouses that become battle grounds inside the home. Fights can last for days and weeks if allowed. These kind of knee jerk verbal exchanges can inflict a great deal of pain and cause marriage separation and divorce. Many of you know how I feel about saying things that hurt others and my saying is this “taste it before you say it.” If your words are going to hurt someone by what you say, then don’t say it! What is the purpose of your snarky comeback, is it to hurt someone for saying something you didn’t like to hear? Is it meant to demean someone and put them in their place? Keep in mind with your choice of your words don’t put someone down when they’re discouraged and hurting, it may cause bitterness between you that could last a lifetime.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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No One Is Going To Respect You Until You respect Yourself (4)

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (4)

Here are some tips on how to show respect towards others and gain the confidence of a spouse, family member or friend while doing it. Remember this is an area we all need to work on.

Finding your purpose in life is only a step away.

Finding your purpose in life is only a step away.

· Show gratitude to others. Thank them for helping or assisting you on a regular basis. People like to know they are appreciated. You can thank them by a phone call, e-mail, texts. That is showing respect towards others by thanking them.

· Try to look at other peoples perspectives. We all have opinions and different idea’s listen to what is being said, that shows respect.

· Don’t judge people before you really know them. Don’t jump to conclusions or attack them personally. We all have to respect each other.

· If you can’t say anything nice about someone, then don’t say anything. Be respectful towards everyone you meet or come into contact with.

· Don’t gossip, be respectful and keep quiet about people you may not agree with or not like.

· Respect yourself, hang around people that are better then you are. If you have people in your life that tear you down, then get better people in your life. Avoid self-destructive behaviors. If you drink too much then get help. If self-discipline is an area you need help then get help.

· Show respect for your personal time and the time of others. If you say you’re going to do something do it! Respect the times of your family, friends business acquaintances. If you have an appointment with someone be on time, that shows respect for the people you’re meeting with.

These are just a few tips that can help you learn how to respect yourself and others. Your words reflect on who you are and how you treat others. So make an effort on being sensitive to others emotions and what you say and do. We all want to be treated with respect. Remember someone is always watching you from afar.

Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call today he can help you!

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No One’s Going To Respect You Till You Respect Yourself (3)

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (3)

This week we will continue with how to get help for disrespecting those you love, and care about. You may have a poor working relationship with co-workers and want to start working on those relationships. Disrespect is a large scale problem in the US today. Let’s continue with our story.

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I asked him this question, if she were to sit down with you and ask you “how do I know you’ve changed and will never do this again to me?” He looked blankly at me and said “I don’t know!” I said “then you’re not ready to be in a relationship with her.” He looked at me then his feet and said “your right. I have no respect for myself and have lots of work to do, don’t I?” If we can see that we treat others with no respect how can we move forward with relationships that are important to us?

Self-respect is something we all have to work on. Do we really value ourselves enough to be kind to others? Do we wake up in the morning and plan to hurt others by disrespecting them in front of others or one on one. For most of us, no we don’t plan our days around hurting others. A lot of the hurts we cause others are out of knee jerk reactions. We say and do things that are not who we are. We say something foolishly because we don’t take the time to respond in an appropriate way. But we still have to be in control of those emotions and responses as well.

I make it a point when someone is disrespecting me that I don’t take it personally and let them know I understand that they are hurting. I don’t argue with them and I don’t get angry. I just try to look at them and have compassion. After they have cooled down I make a point to meet with them. You can’t do this with everyone, I understand that.

The ones who will listen to me and can carry on a heart to heart talk I will sit down and hear what they have to say. We all must be in control of our responses to others even when they are being disrespectful to us. We need to respect everyone no matter what the circumstances are or what they say to us. You must be in control at all times.

Next week I will be giving you tips on how to respect yourself and others in your life. These are practical tips that will help you from getting offended from those who are disrespectful to you.

Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878
Fax: 303.697.9409

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No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (2)

I asked my client at one of our meetings..”Do you respect yourself?” He responded by saying ya, I do. I am a fun loving guy who is good looking and has a nice job. I have a lot to offer any woman I date. She’s getting a great deal when she dates me. “So, yes I respect myself.”

Don't let your past hold you down!

Don’t let your past hold you down!

It was several weeks before I heard from him, then out of the blue I got a call and he was crying over the phone and really upset. He stopped by and shared that he was in love with a wonderful woman and she broke up with him! He said that she was everything he wanted in a potential marriage partner. She was caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, kind and fun to be with. They did all kinds of things together, concerts, hiking, dances, eating out. They had great talks and were madly in love. So I asked him what happened?

Well, he said. When I first met her she had a great figure. As we dated I noticed that she was putting some weight on and I mentioned to her that she should start exercising to lose weight. I like my women just the right size he told her. She stood up looked at him and said “really” and walked right out of his life right then and there. He was shocked and thought that they had a great relationship and why would she want to end it. He cried as he shared this story. He wanted her back and didn’t know what to do.

Then a light bulb went on after we met several times. He now realized how he mistreated all the women he dated. He said to me “how can I show respect to anyone when I have no respect for myself?”

He hit rock bottom really fast. As he talked he opened up about the deep hurts he had in his life. He was a macho man on the outside but deeply wounded on the inside. He wanted people to think he was in full control when he actually wasn’t. People thought he had it together when they were around him but internally he was mush.

He wanted so bad to get back together with this woman, he wept as he sat in my office during each visit. He was crushed and started to see how much of his behavior had caused this break-up. I asked him what did he do when she broke off their relationship? I reacted in a harsh way! I sent her texts and e-mails scolding her and chastising her. I attacked her, her family and her work. I was awful in my treatment of her. Then I would text her and tell her how much I loved her and wanted her back. She must have thought I was a nut case.

When your true actions reveal the real intent of who you are you’re headed in for some real hard times. If your knowingly doing things out of disrespect, then stop now and get help before you do too much damage. Next week we will continue this story and what my client needed to do to get help for his disrespecting others.

Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

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No One’s Going To Respect You Till You Respect Yourself (1)

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What does respect mean in your everyday relationships? What do you think it means with your spouse and children? According to Urban Dictionary Respect: means valuing each other’s points of views. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you’re having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they’re different to you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.

What's going on with with me?

Respect for yourself requires that you love and forgive others

In my opinion we are lacking respect for each other in today’s world. I see it every day as you do. We see it in each other, in our youth of today, at work, at the mall, at the grocery store and even when you’re driving. It’s all over the place. We are a society out of control.

I had a client a few years back who punished the women he dated. He could be wonderful and caring to the women he dated but cruel and hurtful if they didn’t show him attention or focus entirely on him. He went from girlfriend to girlfriend not having a clue as to why they ended their short dating relationship with him. The longest time he has dated someone was 3 months.

He stopped by the office one day and wanted to talk. He didn’t understand why he went from woman to woman and was not in a healthy lasting relationship. I asked him “Are you healthy for these women?” He looked at me like I was crazy! I asked him again, “Are you healthy to be in a relationship with these women?” He responded, “Well of course I am, why do you ask?” I looked at him and thought to myself, this man had no clue on how disrespectful he was to the women he dated.

He would let them know how they needed to treat him. He put everything into the relationship and if it wasn’t going the way he thought it should he would say and do things to get a reaction from them. More often than not it would backfire on him and the woman would end the relationship right on the spot. My client would never admit he was wrong by his behavior to these women. A few of these ladies he dated would get a lecture from him about how they should lose some weight if they wanted to remain dating him. How do you think that went over? Like a lead balloon.

I think it’s extremely important on how we treat people with our words and actions. So be careful with what you say and how you say it. Respect starts with you. Next week we will be looking at some of the things you say may be hurtful to others without you ever knowing it.

Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call today he can help you!

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The Consequences of Delay (2)

 

The Consequences of Delay (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I was talking with one of my clients on the phone a while back we spoke about how waiting could cost her the marriage she desperately wanted to save. Our conversation went like this “I’m waiting for the right time to tell my husband we need counseling for our marriage.” She never wanted to disrupt his routine or cause him problems in their marriage.

Victorien Sardou: A divorce cure from the Fren...

Victorien Sardou: A divorce cure from the French of Sardou by Harry Saint Maur (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He was demanding, disrespectful to her and their children…yet she felt that there would be a perfect time to suggest that they get marriage counseling. Well, I’m here to tell you she never found that perfect time to tell him that they needed marriage counseling. The wait for the perfect time never panned out for her and today they are divorced. If she would have acted immediately when she felt the need for counseling/coaching possibly her marriage could been saved. Who knows, but I can say that she would have felt better at least knowing she tried when she felt the urge to get help.

The consequences of delay can harm you in many ways. Confront it now and don’t wait for the perfect time, don’t think that the problem will resolve itself and go away. It’s better to be in control when confronting a problem before it gets out of control. Here are my tips for dealing with the consequences of delay.

  • When you notice that you’re starting to put off a task that needs to be done today..stop thinking that way..get it done today. Don’t put it off.
  • If you have relationship issues, get help immediately..at least call for yourself. There is no perfect time, get help now!
  • If you feel that your health is a concern, go to the doctor now! The delay can cost you your life.
  • If you feel the need to make things right with someone, go to that person and talk with them with a humble heart.
  • If you feel someone needs a helping hand, physically or financially go help them. You may be their only hope.

For many people time is of the essence, your delay can cost others some great pain that they might not unnecessarily need to go through. If you know of a family struggling with needing food, go help. If you know of someone who is alone and needs your company and encouragement go talk with them. Be giving of your time.

You can help intercede for some folks who can’t help themselves with the consequences of delay. If you see a need that you can provide for someone then feel free to help them. Many in our lives may need our help in solving their problems. Can you be that person who can help them avoid the consequences of delay? If you can reach out and help them.

In closing I just want to say that you’re pretty much in control of what happens to you during your lifetime. You pick and chose the path you walk and will suffer the consequences with the choices you make. Many seek help from our creator during our lifetime for conflicts, heartaches, or just a friend to talk to. Use common sense in your delays if you don’t you could be headed in for some trouble.

Do you need help in finding out what causes you to delay issues in your life? Are you afraid of the consequences of delay? Do you need help in how to stop delaying problems that you face? If you answered yes to any of these questions Dr. Mike can help you solve these problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means for counseling and coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Consequences of Delay (1)

What would it mean if you delayed doing something that could cost you your marriage or life? Let’s say it might cost you a wonderful friendship, maybe your business, or a relationship that you took for granted? Many of us have a bad habit of putting off things that can get done today yet put it off for another day. The consequences of delay can be very costly to us in many ways. In this article I’m going to help you understand the consequences of delay and how they can be avoided.

Keep Busy To Beat Being Lonely

Don’t delay when wondering about your failing relationship

Think about it, consequences of delay can cost us our lives, relationships of all kinds, it can cost us business, even our sanity. I’m sure we all have delayed doing something just because it was inconvenient or embarrassing thing to do. I honestly can say that I am in this group and know of several others that are knowingly and unknowingly a member as well.

My mother lost her life because of the consequences of delay. We were attending my dad’s funeral in Minnesota and while we gathered in the hotel lobby waiting for the limo from the funeral home to pick up our family..she began to cough. It was deep coughing and as she pulled the Kleenex away from her mouth there was spots of blood on it. I asked her how long was this going on? The limo pulled up to the lobby of the hotel where she quickly changed the subject and out the door we went to the cemetery. At the dinner for family and friends she continued to cough.

That evening when we were alone I asked my mom how long has coughing up blood been going on? She told me while my dad was ill she didn’t want to tell anyone. Then she said that it had been going on for months. I asked her to promise me that she would go to the doctor when she got back to Chicago. She said she would. Two weeks later she called me and said that she had lung cancer. She lasted 2 years with her lung cancer. Could her cancer have been cured and she live years longer? Who knows, but I can say that the consequences of delay cost her life.

If you have any health problems that you may think will resolve themselves, stop kidding yourself. Go get the physical problem looked at. If you catch it now the chances of getting it fixed are in your favor. Some people are embarrassed to tell their doctors that their private parts need to be checked out. Listen my friends most of us have to get over that fear before it’s too late. I know a lot of men who dread getting their prostate gland checked out at their yearly physical. Just go and get yourself checked out. Your family and friends need you!! Don’t delay, PLEASE.

Do you need help in finding out what causes you to delay issues in your life? Are you afraid of the consequences of delay? Do you need help in how to stop delaying problems that you face? If you answered yes to any of these questions Dr. Mike can help you solve some of these problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means for counseling and coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Why give your marriage a second chance?

How many of you want to save your marriage? You’ve struggled with your pride, you hate to admit defeat and yet you have no clue on how to be humble and start working on repairing your marriage. You may say “it’s too late I’ve done a lot of damage to my spouse and our marriage.” “There is no way I can save this marriage! I’ve cheated, I’ve lied, said and done things I regret. How can my spouse ever forgive me?”

Usually the person wanting to save their marriage will not allow their hurting spouse the time they need to heal. This is a critical time period of stepping back and working on yourself.  Many wanting to save their marriage don’t understand this process. During this time period you need to work on improving your communication skills and setting boundaries that will prevent further damage to your relationship. Dr. Mike says there is always hope in saving any relationship.

Are you willing to take the baby steps to repair the damage done to your marriage? Are you willing to do the hard work to save your marriage or relationship? Are you willing to be brutally honest with yourself and make necessary changes that will win your spouse back? Are you afraid to talk to your spouse about trying to save your marriage and need help in planning that talk with your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions then call Dr. Mike or Dawne at 303.456.0555 to set up an appointment.

Part of repairing your marriage is admitting you need help and then following through with getting it. In this wings clip video you can see humility when the husband asks for a second chance and asks for forgiveness. If you need help in saving your marriage and want to talk to a ACS counselor call today!  We’re offering a free 30 minute consultation so schedule an appointment today.

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