Is Separating A Good Thing? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Is Separating a Good Thing? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This is a tough question, and for many married couples who are struggling in a bad marriage, it’s one they ask themselves over and over again, “should we separate?” For some men and women, separation needs to happen for their sanity and for safety reasons to protect themselves and their children. For others, it’s just an excuse to end a relationship on their terms.

Is divorce or separation in your future?

I can remember a man I knew who was wondering if a separation was something he needed to get his wife’s attention. I asked him what the purpose of it was? He said calmly, she’s checked out and I don’t see any movement on her part to be a part of this relationship. So, I am asking her to leave and think about what it is that she wants for her and our marriage. I am the one who pays all the bills, and she takes care of our kids. I honestly believe that she is seeing someone while I’m at work. Do you have proof I asked? No, I don’t, but she is not able to connect with me at all and trying to have a conversation with her is near impossible.

I asked him what is the purpose of planning a separation from your wife, what do you expect from her and how will she respond? I haven’t a clue he said, all I want is my wife to start being a wife and not a roommate. I provide for this family; I work hard for what we have. I get no thank you from her, and what makes matters worse, she doesn’t have to work whatsoever, she’s a very lucky woman. Do you acknowledge her as your wife and a mother to your children? Well, I sometimes do. I think recognizing her for all that she does around your home would go a long way in rebuilding your relationship with her. Some people need words of affirmation and to be noticed for what they do. We all need that for a healthy relationship. Can you do that I asked him? I suppose I can, do you think it’s worth it. Yes, I said.

Are you willing to hold off on your separation to see if you can at least jump start your marriage? He said he was and then put his trial separation on hold. I feel that his wife needed some form of recognition for all the work she had done to take care of the kids and be there for everyone. He started doing that, and amazing things began to happen. She started to open up, and he listened to her share the things that were in her heart. This my friends is just what she needed. Someone to appreciate who she was a mother and a wife.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

When To Walk Away (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had a client several years ago whose husband had an affair on her, so she went to her friends for their thoughts before she met with me, she had so many different opinions that she was totally confused, she wasn’t sure what her next steps should be. She had a few of her friends whose husbands cheated on them and was told by these friends to divorce her lying, cheating husband. She had some friends of her’s that their husbands cheated on them and they wanted to find out the reasons why their husbands cheated on them, and went to counseling with their husband and restored their relationship through months of hard work and counseling. Some of her friends who received counseling encouraged her to get counseling as well.

Make every attempt to save your relationship, if you try and get no results, the next steps will be needed.

Before you walk away, make every attempt to save your relationship so that you can walk away with clean hands, so you will not have any regrets. You can say that you gave it your all. You can stand before family and friends and announce, I’ve made every attempt to make this relationship work. You’ll never have to look back and wonder “what if.”

There are many reasons why people walk away, most of the reasons we know, and some we do not. Those who get no explanation at all are left wondering why, what did I do wrong, what did I do to cause this to happen to me? I want to reach out to you; I can help you sort through some of the reasons, and I can help you move on with your life. In the coming months, I will have some articles that will help you process of moving on and not looking back. Give me a call if you want to talk.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Divorce Coach, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When To Walk Away (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another reason people walk away from relationships, there is no commitment from the spouse in getting help for their bad marriage. They either refuse to get help or think you’re the problem. Many partners will say you’re the problem in the marriage; I’ll go with you for counseling, but the counselor will have to fix your issues, I don’t have any! Seriously, this is a common issue in marriage counseling. I have seen it numerous times over the years.

When do most people walk away from their marriages? There are several reasons, but the common ones I hear in my office are:

  • Adultery
  • Pornography
  • Drugs and alcohol abuse
  • Physical abuse of you the spouse or partner
  • Child abuse
  • In-laws
  • Criminal behavior
  • Roommate relationships

These are pretty common reasons for ending a marriage or relationship. It takes a big person to forgive and be willing to work things out. Remember trust is a huge factor in keeping your relationship alive. Can trust be earned back? Perhaps over a period of time, years, months seem to be the norm. Healing is slow if there has been an affair. Don’t expect the offended partner to be waiting for you with open arms when they discover that you’ve cheated on them. On the contrary, it will get ugly before it gets better. This is where you need counseling/coaching to walk you through the process. Trying to figure out your next steps is like walking through a minefield, if not done the right way, chances are, that you’ll lose the window of opportunity in saving your relationship. Act now while you can, don’t hesitate, don’t be running to friends to help you through saving your relationship, they’re probably not trained, and most likely you will lose valuable time in putting a plan into place to get your spouse to the table to talk with you.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Divorce Coach, Life in general, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When To Walk Away (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If you can’t get your partner to sit down with you, then you can write out what you want to express, and see if that works by letter. It may open some doors for communication. It’s worth a shot. In your letter, don’t be condescending, argumentative, or opinionated. State how you feel and why. Remember you want some feedback and not to force an argument via your letter. When writing, state facts and not your opinions. There really is no reason to be mean or vindictive in your letter. Most likely if you’re hurting and taking it out on someone in your letter, this will not get any lasting results you want or need.

  • Write your letter when you’re not angry
  • State clearly what you want to say
  • Avoid confrontation in your letter
  • Have solutions and a plan when writing your letter
  • Set up a time to talk in your letter if at all possible
  • Don’t use your letter to guilt someone into what you want
  • Don’t overuse the word “I” use the words: we, and us, find a compromise

I know these ideas are simplistic, but if they are used in your letter, they may open the doors of communication for you. At least this a starting point for you, take your time when writing your letter, it may open the doors of face to face dialog for you. Always keep the other person’s position in the back of your mind when writing your letter to them. Put yourself in their shoes and why they are avoiding talking with you.

Learn to listen to each other

If they continue to avoid talking with you, then some tough, hard-line choices have to be made. Is staying in your relationship worth the hassle that you’re going through? You have to consider several reasons why you should walk away from your relationship. Here are possible reasons.

  • Emotional issues, depression, no sleep, can’t focus at home or work, anger, crying, weepy, lack of or no motivation.
  • Physical issues, constantly ill, upset stomach, calling in sick or missing work, headaches, diarrhea, vomiting, not eating.

I’m sure several of you could add to these two lists, but they are enough to make you wonder if staying in a relationship is worth the hassle. That decision is ultimately up to you.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Divorce Coach, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

When To Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Part of last week’s article was to give you insights on what your next steps are: Try to find a way to  a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

So Dr. Mike, what do you suggest? I need some idea’s on my next steps. What are your tips for this problem?

This is a great question and one that needs to be looked into. First of all, I would ask you, how long has your ability to communicate been a problem? Has it been a few days, a few weeks, months? Is your lack of communication from an incident that happened between the two of you? Is the reason you don’t talk to each other because of a misunderstanding, and one or both of you refuse to admit you were wrong? There are many reasons some people shut down and don’t want to talk.

I had a friend of mine who always had to be right; it drove his wife insane. They would be having a conversation, and he would say something and if she doubted him, out came the cell phone, and she would be Googling or fact-checking him. He got fed up with it and just stopped talking to her, and she didn’t understand why he refused to talk with her. He told me that the peace he was getting from not talking with her was just what he needed. They tolerated each other, and she was livid for his silent treatment. He got the peace he needed, and she got nothing because she was fact-checking him all the time. I don’t recommend avoiding your spouse because they use the cell phone against you. I suggest that you sit down if at all possible and figure things out. Is this a reason to walk away, no it isn’t, but it does happen.

If your spouse is always on their cell phone, what can you do, how do you deal with it?

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in angry spouses, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When To Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I watched my client wipe her tears away with her tissue, she continued to talk about the relationship she was ending. “I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried counseling, I’ve begged, pleaded, I’ve groveled, I even tried bargaining with God as she looked up at the ceiling in my office with a laugh. I don’t know what else to do; I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired; I can’t sleep, I can’t focus at work, heck my kids don’t even know who I am anymore.”

I can’t live like this anymore, it’s time to walk!

“This must end, she said, but I’m not sure how to end a relationship of 10 years. He constantly sits on the couch and watches TV or is on his cell phone texting or playing games. He just sits there. As I leaned against the wall in the kitchen watching him the other day; I stared at the back of his head as he sat on the couch wondering what has happened to us. We used to have so much fun together and with the kids. I caught myself thinking and wishing, even praying I want to old days back. We used to talk about anything and everything. Life was good; then he seemed to drift away, emotionally, physically, I don’t know what happened to him!”

This is not an uncommon problem; it’s a problem that is happening in many relationships today. Communication is key to resolving most issues in any relationship. When the person that you’re trying to connect refuses to talk, then problems will never be resolved. If you try to set up talks and they refuse to sit down or even show interest, then you need to decide what your next steps are. They can be radical; they can be intuitive, or even simple-minded next steps. Try to find a way to set up a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Divorce Coach, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week, we talked about a husband that felt he took advantage of his wife during the years they were married. At her funeral he shared with me that he had regrets for the way he treated her. If you feel that you’re complacent in your relationship with your spouse then you need to change course and make some changes. Today we will continue with this week’s article “Never take your spouse for granted.”

Pay close attention to your spouses needs, it will help the relationship grow.

I suggest helping your spouse out at home, running errands, making meals or planning a surprise date night really is special and greatly appreciated. These simple things are meaningful and shows that your spouse is a priority in your relationship.

I watched my brother do many things for his wife my last trip to Florida. He’d run errands for her, always asked if she needed anything, he is an amazing example of a great husband. Our dad was the same way. He was a retired army officer of 37 years and always put my mother first. He cooked, cleaned, helped raise our family. He loved my mom and we kids all saw that. When mom got cancer, after her surgery he was by her bedside at the hospital almost 24/7, and when she returned home, he was taking great care of her. I loved that about my dad, he served my mom and the rest of us kids. Keep in mind that he was in WWII, Korea, and Viet Nam. He saw lots of combat and was still that gentle and caring husband and loving father.

My question to you is this, what can you do this week for your partner that would be meaningful and help them out? Is there a project that they would like you to do? Painting a room, cleaning out a closet, taking them somewhere they’ve always wanted to go. I remember a few years back when I was on the west side of my house and seeing how bad it needed painting in some spots. I had a gallon of locust green paint we didn’t use and started painting the one area that needed it the most. Well, you can imagine that the one spot looked great when I was done, but the rest of the west side needed a complete paint job. It didn’t stop there, the entire front of the house needed it and the east wall, and the back of the house got painted. I was doing this because my wife wanted it done and I was happy to paint.

So, if you feel like your taking your spouse for granted, then do something about it. My friend who shared his feelings about taking his wife for granted at her funeral resonated with me. I never want to do that, nor do you. I know many of you would benefit by asking your spouse if they feel taken advantage of. For some of you, you already know the answer. It’s a simple fix and one that needs to happen. Your spouse is your partner, not a servant. Make them feel appreciated and loved.

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, Life in general, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never take your spouse for granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I watched a friend of mine as he stood in front of his wife’s casket prior to her funeral service. He just stared at her with his head slightly cocked to the side; he didn’t move; he stood motionless for what seemed minutes. I looked around the room and could smell the perfumes mixed in with the aroma of the flowers behind her casket. Several small groups of people talked softly in different parts of the chapel. I’m sure they were relatives, friends, and church members. My friend still stood motionless. As I looked at him, I thought to myself, I have no words to say, nothing to add nor to comfort him, but me being there is what I felt he needed.

After a while, he turned and walked towards me. He was all cried out, probably exhausted from the lack of sleep and dealing with funeral arrangements and his family. He looked at me and smiled, thanking me for being there for him and then sat down next to me. I listened to him as he shared about his many years he had with his wife. He said, “you know Mike, I could have been a better husband to Susan, I wasn’t there for her very much. In fact, I put others ahead of her, geez he said…I can’t believe I did that.”

I listened as he continued to talk, he mentioned that he took Susan for granted, for the many years that they were married. He put his needs ahead of hers; he expected her to be at his beckon call. He said that when he got home after work he expected dinner on the table, the house to be clean, and she was supposed to be looking good for him. They were married for over 50 years, and he was proud of that!

The one thing that sticks in my mind is, when he said, “I took Susan for granted.” that was a powerful statement and one that we need to talk about today. If you look at your relationship with your spouse and are honest about it, are you taking your spouse for granted? A simple question but one that runs deep to the core of all relationships. Not just marriages, but all relationships.

If you feel that you keep taking your spouse for granted in your marriage, and not giving your spouse anything in return, you may want to make some changes that will help your relationship become stronger. Sit down with your partner and discuss the things that they would like from you in your relationship. I have heard all kinds of great idea’s. One of the big ones that comes to mind, ask your spouse what you can do for them before you start your day. Most likely you’ll hear “I’m good for now.” Then go start your day. But keeping your spouse first is key to a happy marriage. The more you communicate in your relationship the less confrontation you will have.

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

OMG, I butt dialed God?? by Candaise Sheets

OMG, I butt dialed God??

by Candaise Sheets
AA, BFA, Light University PLC, Light University BC Life Coach

Yep, you read the title correctly, I accidentally butt dialed God, and he answered!

It all started on a cold Colorado Monday morning, just after I dropped off the twins at school, around seven fifteen in the morning.

Do you sometimes find yourself alone in your car and you start talking to yourself? Or do you find it a perfect time to pray? I spend a lot of time in the car alone, and find that these moments are a great time to talk to myself, or to pray out loud.

OMG, I butt dialed God???

This particular morning, I was so emotional because I found myself in the midst of a scary divorce, my ex had recently told me he was no longer paying any bills. Subsequently, the checking account was over drawn by thousands of dollars, the mortgage needed payment, the medical bills are huge, I didn’t get the job I interviewed for, and don’t even get me started on the credit card debt.

So I was feeling very alone, and extremely scared that gray morning. As I was driving I began to cry and started to tell God that I was so scared and didn’t know what to do. This crying rant didn’t last too long because, suddenly realized I forgot to drop off the kid’s art supplies off at the school, so I had to turn around, and go back to the school. I parked in front of the school and started unloading the supplies from the back of my car when my oldest son called me. My oldest son is a night owl and is never up at seven thirty in the morning. When I looked down at my phone and saw his number I was afraid something bad had happened as he has had health issues.

I was standing in the freezing cold wind, I immediately answered the phone, and before I could ask if he was okay, he asked me if I was okay. This took me completely by surprise, and before I knew it I was telling him I was fine through my tears. I told him I was okay and was just going through a tough time. He kept asking me if I was okay which seemed a little odd to me. Then he told me that his wife received a call from me, and she could hear me crying, and saying that “I was scared, and that I have never been this scared in my life”.

I said out loud and dumbfounded, “Ahhh, what?” That’s when it dawned on me, what happened! “Oh, my phone must have dialed you while inside my purse, I am so sorry”. I explained.

I was so embarrassed and sorry that I had scared them, and quickly assured him that I was okay. He then told me that they called the police. I was again surprised, and said I was fine, and there was nothing to worry about.

So, with shaking hands, I hung up and I went into the school office carrying an arm load of art supplies. As I was talking to the office lady at the main desk my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, so I apologized to her and shut the ringing off. A few seconds later same number called again, and again I turned it off. We shrugged, and I continued our conversation. A few seconds later same number was urgently calling me. The office lady looked at me with concerned eyes, and she said that I should probably answer it. It was the Sheriff.  He was calling to make sure I was okay, and that I didn’t need help. I spent the next ten minutes embarrassingly explaining that I was fine, and that I was praying in my car, and didn’t know my phone had dialed out. I told him a bit about the divorce, and that I was just struggling, and he was so sweet on the phone I started crying all over again.

After I hung up I went back to the office lady, and told her I just did the most embarrassing butt dial ever. I told her the story about me crying and praying in the car, and how my phone called my son. I was so mortified; tears were running down my face.

Just then the Principle of the school walked up with a great morning smile, and asked me how I was doing. I have to let you know that I simply adore the Principle, he is an amazing, wonderful man who makes you want to be a better person. So, embarrassed at my tears, and yet very grateful that I still had my sunglasses on, I smiled brightly and said,” I was fine.” The office lady standing at the desk gave me such a wounded puppy look of sympathy because, she knew I was really struggling not to break down in front of him.

I rushed out of the office just feeling like the stupidest person, berating myself for wasting the poor sheriffs time, and frightening my son.

On the drive back home, I called my friend, and told him what had happened, and how mortified I was.

He said in a very excited voice “That wasn’t just a butt call, that was a God Call!”. “God reached out to you when you were in pain and feeling alone. He is showing you that you are not alone, and that there are people who love and care about you, even people you don’t know.”

“Ooooooooh”. I said as my eyes grew the size of large saucers as the significance of what he was saying sank into my brain.

I butt dialed God?? I said in a hushed voice.

After I hung up, and continued to drive home, a surprising thought suddenly came to me. What if God has been sending me messages like this my hole life, and I never understood they were from Him? I quickly apologized to God for all the years I didn’t take notice of his messages, and promised to start paying more attention. At that moment I imagined God taking his large hand and slapping his forehead and saying, “DOH”. Just like Homer Simpson.

It took a dear, wise, friend to show me that accidents are not necessarily just accidents. Sometimes God is reaching out, trying to send a message to you in ways that are surprising, and unexpected.

My reason for sharing this story is to reach out, and tell anyone who will listen that just maybe those weird coincidences that happen in our life might just actually be God reaching out to us. Who knew?!

Are you going through a rough divorce or separation? Are you feeling broken and alone in your struggles? Do you know someone who is going through a divorce and needs help? If you answered any of these questions with a yes, there is help for you. Contact Candaise at Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services at 303.456.0555.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike or Candaise over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike or Candaise send an email to Dr. Mike at mbrooks3353@gmail.com,  or Candaise at candaisesheets@gmail.com)  303.349.6549 to set up an appointment. You an also call 303-456-0555 any time. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike or Candaise a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in angry spouses, Divorce Coach, Life in general, relationships, Women in abusive relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships (4)

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (4)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have to say that I’ve heard about some pretty responsible kids and how they are respectful of the use of their cell phones. They will tell their parents where they are headed, who they are with and what they are doing. This seems to me, children who respect their parents enough to let them know what’s going at school, after school and the company they keep.

The best advice I can give you, is to refocus the value of cell phones and electronics in the family

Not all cell phone use is bad; there are some advantages to kids having them. They will let you know where your child is at; they can be a good tracking device. In case of an emergency, you can call your family member, or they can call you. There are many educational uses for electronics. So, there are some good things that come from electronics these days!

I think putting time limits on your kid’s usage on their electronics (cell phone, I-pad, TV, etc.) is pretty important. Kids are spending way to much time on electronics instead of face to face conversation. The kids these days are spending an average of 6 hours a day on their electronics. Most parents don’t have a clue as to how many hours their children are in front of their cell phone screen. I think it’s time that they do, and start monitoring how many hours they will allow their children to be playing games, texting, Snap chat, twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. I think you should be getting their passwords and logins. Remember that trust is earned, over a period of time and certainly, by explaining this to your child, this will prevent problems, so get their login and passwords. Get this information before they get any electronics that should be a part of the deal.

I had one client who trusted her daughter and didn’t ask for this information. She noticed her behavior was not what it used to be. She was staying up late and texting on her cell phone. She confronted her 14-year-old daughter and wanted to see who she was talking to. Her daughter no way. It’s her business, and she was not going to show her mother her phone. The mother took away the phone and was shocked that her daughter was sending provocative pictures of herself to several boys at her school. She took her phone away for a month. They talked, and the mother explained to her daughter that she could get into serious trouble with the school and the law. Kids don’t see the problems with cell phone abuse; they are caught up in the moment and don’t think about the consequences of bad behavior on their phones.

In closing, I want you to know that kids who have cell phones, need to respect their parents enough not to abuse the privilege of having one. Parents pay the cell phone bill, and want their kids to have them. But not to be lied to about who their children are talking to, meeting up with, and texting to.

Set boundaries for the use of their cell phone, sit down with your child and go over these boundaries. Do this before you give them a phone, get passwords and log in before their phone is set up. Trust me on this; this will prevent a lot of headaches if your child is abusing the cell phone you got them. Make sure when your together eating meals, or having talks that the phone is turned off.

Do you feel frustrated about your families use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Life in general, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment