When Women Say They Want A Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

These are a few of the reasons why women file for divorce and I’m sure the list could be a 100 reasons if we wanted to list them all.

Let’s look at infidelity on the woman’s part. First let me say right off the bat there is no reason infidelity should happen in your marriage. End your marriage if you must and move on. The women I have spoken to say that their husbands lack interest in physical intimacy drove them into the arms of another man. So what happens is the wife looks for men that will provide what her physical needs are. While having these affairs many of these women filed for divorce. Why? Because they thought they found that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence only to find they were being used for sex.

frustrated couple

Many of the women felt betrayed by their lovers thinking they had found the right man to replace the husband. Only to discover that once the men had their way with them were dumped and cast aside. I say, try everything you can to avoid having an affair. Get counseling or coaching do everything to avoid losing your self respect, your family, and your spouse. I can’t tell you how many women have sat across the table sharing what a stupid mistake they made by cheating on their husbands. Most wished it never happened. The reputation they made for themselves and their immediate family and circle of friends was an albatross around their neck for years.

Incompatible relationships. If a husband gets involved with his wife and kid’s lives this shows a serious commitment to the relationship and this would greatly help most of the incompatible issues in the marriage. Yes, I know that all marriages are not going to work out I get that. Build on the things that brought you together as a couple in the beginning. Husbands this is your assignment. Sit down and have an honest discussion with your wife and ask her what you need to do to be a better husband. Listen to what she has to say.

Don’t interrupt or correct her when she is speaking to you. If she is talking divorce before this talk I’m asking you to do, you better listen carefully and take note when you sit down and talk. If you have been given verbal notice (or warning) you better act on it. The next notice will be from a process server giving you divorce papers.

Drinking/drug use. So many marriages have ended because of alcohol or drug abuse. If your wife is telling you she’s done with your relationship because of your drinking or drug use…you need to get help immediately. If you don’t the marriage is most likely is over. Many women will stay in a marriage where alcohol abuse is involved and most likely for the kids sake.

Grew apart, this is a problem for many men. Many men had their own interests prior before getting married and once they say “I Do” will put those interests on the back burner. Only to have them resurface and exclude their wife from sharing the things they enjoy. Men you need to be involved with your wife on all levels. Do things together, enjoy the fun things which brought you two together. When a wife says that your growing apart and she thinks she wants to move on, you’re the only one who can repair this problem. If you do nothing and continue to do your own thing you may be getting served papers.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

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When Women Say They Want A divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will be going over the reasons why women file for divorce. Some of the answers may surprise you. In fact you may have even thought about divorce and never followed through with it and wonder why. These next several weeks will hopefully be an eye opener for men who don’t get it.

Did you know that women file two-thirds of all divorce cases in the US. A more astounding statistic is when the couple are college-educated, divorces initiated by the wife is a whopping 90-percent! When women decide to file for a divorce it has been well thought out and considered for some time. For many women it’s been in the back of their minds for several years. I think most women would say they didn’t want to file for divorce but for the sake of keeping their sanity needed to pursue a divorce. If men will not change their bad behaviors something has to give and usually it’s their marriage.

It's OK to ask for help, that's what I'm here for!

It’s OK to ask for help, that’s what we’re here for!

Look at the roles of today’s women. They are the care takers of the children, they take care of the household. Nurturing their children while being housekeeper and running errands and taking the kids to school and social events all the while working a job. Sometimes I think men just don’t get it and the importance of the wives contributions to the family.
Many women struggle today with the roles they have to deal with-in their family.

First of all they are a wife, mother, and work. Yet many if not most women place impossible demands on themselves as a wife and mother. Why? Probably because of overload and lack of help from the husband. There are many reasons why women file for divorce and most can be prevented if the husband became more involved on several levels in the marriage relationship. So let’s look at some of the reasons why women file for divorce.
According to a study done at Pennsylvania State University the following is the top 10 reasons why women divorce:

1. Infidelity
2. Incompatible
3. Drinking/Drug Use
4. Grew Apart
5. Personality problems
6. Lack of communication
7. Physical or mental abuse
8. Loss of love
9. Not meeting family obligations
10. Employment problems

Next week we will be going over some of the reasons why women file for divorce. You may have some of your own reasons why you filed or are thinking on filing. Regardless of the reasons, I hope the wives of the men they are thinking about filing papers share the articles with their husbands. If we can save one marriage from the divorce court then I’ve done my job!

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. Dr. Mike and Dawne’s services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike 303.456.0555 or Dawne 406.580.0857 over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike or Dawne a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks and Dawne Baird
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Mike’s Cell: 303.880.9878 or Dawne’s Cell 406.580.0857

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When Women Say They Want A Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Janice sat across from me in my office in tears. I want a divorce she said, I can’t stand my husband. He doesn’t do anything to make me feel loved or appreciated. We have a roommate marriage and that’s all. And you know what else Dr. Mike he doesn’t buy me gifts, doesn’t hold my hand. He will not even look at me! I don’t know what else to do, this has been going on for two years! I’m done, I’m just done and want my marriage over with.

Knowing how to deal with emotional lows is key to surving

Knowing how to deal with emotional lows is key to surviving

Another client shared that she was heartbroken about her marriage. Her husband spent hours away on his personal trips. He would leave her alone for days at a time. Claiming he needed alone time while baking in the sun and enjoying the hot springs in Colorado. She walked on egg shells while he was at home. She was the bread winner while he spent money frivolously. She admitted that there was no communication whatsoever. She tried to be a part of his life and he felt no need to include her. “What else can I do. I have given it my all,” she said! “I am filing for a divorce.”

Chris said she asked to have a sit down talk with her husband and talk about ways to improve their marriage which was in crisis. Chris said her husband looked at her and said that he was going to watch his football game and after that was going to play pool with some of his friends. Her husband asked if they could they talk tomorrow? She responded by saying “no, they needed to talk NOW!” Sorry honey but I made these plans last week with my friends. He gave her a peck on the cheek and headed out the door. She went to her night stand and got the paper work to file for divorce and laid on her bed as she wept while filling it out.

I hear these kind of stories from a great deal of women I counsel and coach with. Men you better pay attention when your wife says she is thinking about or wants a divorce. I’m telling you she has thought about divorcing you for some time. Most women just don’t wake up one morning and decide “hey, I am going to get a divorce.” There are many reasons that will drive women to start contemplating and filing for a divorce. And most likely it’s about men in their lives.

Over the next several weeks we will be going over the reasons why women file for divorce and how men can help prevent a divorce if they are willing to fight hard to save their marriages. So it’s up to guys to start doing the right things.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more chance? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

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What Are Your Auto-responders? (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What are your Auto-responders? (7)

I worked for a big name package delivery company. I unloaded semi’s early in the morning. There was a part time manager who was disliked by all. He would walk along the loading dock and verbally attack all the dock workers just to get a rise out of them. He seemed to enjoy that and laughed when others responded back in kind. I was a college student at the time and wanted nothing to do with him. I learned at an early age on how to use auto responders. I simply avoided conflict.

Keeping good communication with your spouse will keep your relationship strong!

Keeping good communication with your spouse will keep your relationship strong!

One day he picked on the wrong person who didn’t seem to think he was very funny. They went nose to nose neither backing down while the entire loading dock crew watched the exchange. Then fists started to fly and a fight broke out. The part time manager got his clock cleaned and the part time loader got fired.

How should have the part time loader handled this situation with his manager? What auto responder could he have used? Remember that auto responders are supposed to keep you out of trouble. They will if you use them. So the big question is this, what should the part time loader have done to prevent an altercation with his boss?

First step would have been not to respond to any criticism. Knowing that this part time manager harassed all the dock workers should have been a red flag. The dock worker should have just minded his own business, done his job and ignored this part time manager. That should have been his auto responder. Instead he did verbal battle with the part time manager which turned into a fight and he lost his job over his behavior. If you keep your nose clean most likely you can avoid conflicts in the workplace. Trouble makers don’t get very far in the business world and most companies don’t keep them.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto-responders? (6)

If you’re trying to save your marriage then knowing how to use the auto responder is key. This can be a challenge because out of our pain and the feeling of hopelessness we can say and do things we will regret. I want to caution you and I am speaking to the person who is trying to save their marriage alone. You may be tempted to get even with hurtful words but I am telling you don’t speak negatively or in a condescending way towards your partner.

Saving your marriage takes lots of energy!

Saving your marriage takes lots of energy!

That behavior needs to stop immediately. Your auto responder should be to avoid snarky comments and learn to talk things out in an adult way. That will start to promote healing between you both.  Again,  I want to applaud you for wanting to work on and save your marriage. Secondly, if your marriage has been based on you putting your spouse down they will need to see that you no longer use this to hurt them and will need time and space to heal during your time of separation. They need to see that you no longer use snarky comebacks.

Here are my tips for those of you who want to save their marriage and need to have auto responders.

·         If you have been the one who finds fault with your spouse then you need to stop and ask for forgiveness for your behavior and listen to what they have to say. Auto responders don’t always have to say something in return. In some cases your auto responder might be “saying nothing at all” this can be very healing to the other person.

·         Auto responders listen to what is being said. Sometimes this opens the doors to real communication. Again, you don’t always need to respond to what is being said. Listening is important in repairing relationships.

·         If your spouse is angry at you and for something you did, your auto response should be “accepting full responsibility for your actions.” Auto responses should always be done with respect and truth. I can appreciate it when someone confesses and admits they have messed up and makes no excuses for their actions. They own up to it.

·         If you both need to get help, don’t wait…get it immediately. You can learn how to communicate with counseling/coaching. Learn to put your auto responders into place so you will  prevent further problems down the road.

If you need a counselor/Coach Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you. We offer a great service Via Phone or Skype.

The next stop for auto responders is in the workplace. This is a place where auto responders can save your job and keep you out of trouble. Let me give you a good example of how auto responders work in the workplace.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto Responders? (5)

If you don’t have auto responders in your marriage you can get yourself into a boat load of trouble. You really don’t want fights over things you have said to each other do you?. Seems like some couples never learn when to simply quit arguing. They have to get the last word in or make a dig that is intended to continue the couples fighting. I tell my clients to stop with their attitude of “I will win the fights we have.” That kind of thinking will kill many salvageable marriages.

Stay the course when fighting for your marriage

Stay the course when fighting for your marriage

Who wants to live with someone who always has to be right and will keep a running score. Using the auto responder can save marriages if you’re willing to learn how to implement it in your relationship with your spouse.

Even if you’re separated you can use the auto responder to stop the fighting between you and your partner. During separations and divorce proceedings many times you will be tempted to fire some verbal volley’s at your soon to be ex. People get wounded, hurt and they say things out of their personal pain while going through a divorce.

If you want your divorce to be somewhat amenable then don’t respond and be nasty when you’re being attacked verbally. Your auto responder should be limited communication but carefully chosen responses. You only hurt yourself and children if you battle with your words. It only makes matters worse for all of you. Take the high road and leave it at that.

Here are my tips for auto responders for couples that are separated or going through a divorce.

· When the kids are being used in your verbal war of words “STOP” they should never be used in personal attacks against each other.

· Weigh what you say, because if you don’t, some of the very words you speak can and will be used against you during your divorce.

· If you feel yourself getting frustrated while talking with your soon to be ex just say “this is probably not a good time to talk and let’s continue this tomorrow.”

· Remember there are no winners or losers in your warring communication. Walk away and take the high ground.

· Let your lawyers fight it out for you. The auto responder that stops most separated or divorcing individuals in their tracks is “talk to my attorney.”

· When in doubt and you see that your conversation is going absolutely nowhere, end the conversation on the spot. If you don’t you may be setting yourself up for some big problems. Don’t wait around to see what happens.

I have one client who says she loves her husband yet is separated and continues to fight with him. They argue over everything. She pokes him in the eye with painful attacks and he responds in kind. I told her stop attacking and use the auto responders we worked on. It can be very difficult to use your auto responders when you’re used to snarky comebacks to hurt the other person.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What are your Auto-responders? (4) by Dr. Michael Brooks

What are your Auto-responders? (4) by Dr. Michael Brooks

In the heat of our anger is where we have to be careful in what we say. People love goading others into saying stupid things with their mouths. It seems some are naturals at it and enjoy seeing your reactions and do it for sport. Our professional sports hero’s do it all the time. They’re trying to get into someone’s head by harassing them before or after each play. Watch any NFL game and you will see it after a catch is made or a great tackle. The players get into each others faces and shove each other until a ref comes and breaks it up.

Don't expect your friends or family to give good advice when you have marriage problems

Don’t expect your friends or family to give good advice when your angry, walk away from saying something foolish

Kids do it on the playground. How many times have you heard “I know you are, but what am I.” “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” But in truth kids get hurt very easily by the things said about them from their classmates. Heck, I think most all of us of us hate to be teased in front of a group of people. We tell our kids to ignore insults hurled at them. Yet, we adults don’t listen to our own advice some times. Auto responders are there to protect us from ourselves and each other. If you have a bad habit of using snarky comebacks use the auto responder to your advantage and be civil towards those you may not like. With certain people you may have to keep your auto responder ready at all times. I have people that I know that are critical and cutting towards just about everyone they come into contact with. I avoid these people whenever possible.

What are the consequences of not using the auto responder? Well, that’s pretty easy to figure out. More often than not you’ll set yourself up for all kinds of ongoing verbal battles. People will see that you’re an easy mark and possibly you’ll get picked on by friends and family trying to engage you in verbal altercations for your reactions.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto-responders? (3) Dr. Michael Brooks

What are your Auto-responders? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up my sister and I would exchange testy comebacks. We both were very good at cutting each other down. She would go after my physical characteristics. I was a goofy kid…I had pimples, my voice was changing, and she would say things to goad me into arguing with her in front of my friends. I being a kid would respond in kind with hurtful comebacks of my own. Looking back it wasn’t all that fun and caused hard feelings between us for several years.

Refuse to be a victim and watch out for yourself

Refuse to be a victim and watch out for yourself when speaking to others

Here are some tips to keep you from getting yourself into embarrassing arguments while effectively use your auto responders.

· If you hear something that seems like a personal attack or is a personal attack “say nothing.”

· Take a few seconds to think and select which auto responder you want to use. Remember auto responders are not hurtful comebacks. They’re to be used to defuse any situation.

· Again, know which auto responder you should use..there are several that will work in any situation.

· Look them in the eye and with a soft voice repeat your auto responder (whatever that may be) and then excuse yourself.

· Don’t argue, don’t defend yourself, just walk away.

· Even if you’re getting verbally attacked after you said your auto responder keep walking away. This can be hard because were so programmed to retaliate with a comeback. Remember you have to be in control at all times.

· Tell yourself it’s a mute point to continue to argue. If you think about it your auto responder this will keep you out of trouble every time. As long as you don’t fuel the fire by arguing you should be OK!

· When you’re able to sit down and reflect on how you used your auto responder, what could you have done differently? How could you have made your auto responder more effective? Your goal is to fine tune your auto responder after each time you use it.

Can you think of a time where you could have used an auto responder and wish you had one? I think we all could say “yes” to that question. I listened to the radio this morning and heard the morning talk show host talk about local politicians who got caught responding to their opponents with certain hand gestures (sorry folks this is a family paper) use your imagination. This was shown on the television, talked about on the radio and it’s all over the internet. You wonder what was this person thinking. His political opponent took a picture of this gesture on his cell phone and sent it to everyone in the news media. It was headline news, and very embarrassing for one particular person. All this politician had to do is simply ignore the other person. End of story.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with hurtful or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto Responders (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same.

Don't Give Up!

Don’t Give Up!

We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right?

I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away.

Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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What Are Your Auto Responders? (2)

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same.

There is always hope if you're willing to fight for your marriage

Don’t let your knee jerk reactions hinder your auto responders

We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right?

I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away.

Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

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