No One’s Going To Respect You Till You Respect Yourself (1)

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What does respect mean in your everyday relationships? What do you think it means with your spouse and children? According to Urban Dictionary Respect: means valuing each other’s points of views. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you’re having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they’re different to you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.

What's going on with with me?

Respect for yourself requires that you love and forgive others

In my opinion we are lacking respect for each other in today’s world. I see it every day as you do. We see it in each other, in our youth of today, at work, at the mall, at the grocery store and even when you’re driving. It’s all over the place. We are a society out of control.

I had a client a few years back who punished the women he dated. He could be wonderful and caring to the women he dated but cruel and hurtful if they didn’t show him attention or focus entirely on him. He went from girlfriend to girlfriend not having a clue as to why they ended their short dating relationship with him. The longest time he has dated someone was 3 months.

He stopped by the office one day and wanted to talk. He didn’t understand why he went from woman to woman and was not in a healthy lasting relationship. I asked him “Are you healthy for these women?” He looked at me like I was crazy! I asked him again, “Are you healthy to be in a relationship with these women?” He responded, “Well of course I am, why do you ask?” I looked at him and thought to myself, this man had no clue on how disrespectful he was to the women he dated.

He would let them know how they needed to treat him. He put everything into the relationship and if it wasn’t going the way he thought it should he would say and do things to get a reaction from them. More often than not it would backfire on him and the woman would end the relationship right on the spot. My client would never admit he was wrong by his behavior to these women. A few of these ladies he dated would get a lecture from him about how they should lose some weight if they wanted to remain dating him. How do you think that went over? Like a lead balloon.

I think it’s extremely important on how we treat people with our words and actions. So be careful with what you say and how you say it. Respect starts with you. Next week we will be looking at some of the things you say may be hurtful to others without you ever knowing it.

Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call today he can help you!

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The Consequences of Delay (2)

 

The Consequences of Delay (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I was talking with one of my clients on the phone a while back we spoke about how waiting could cost her the marriage she desperately wanted to save. Our conversation went like this “I’m waiting for the right time to tell my husband we need counseling for our marriage.” She never wanted to disrupt his routine or cause him problems in their marriage.

Victorien Sardou: A divorce cure from the Fren...

Victorien Sardou: A divorce cure from the French of Sardou by Harry Saint Maur (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He was demanding, disrespectful to her and their children…yet she felt that there would be a perfect time to suggest that they get marriage counseling. Well, I’m here to tell you she never found that perfect time to tell him that they needed marriage counseling. The wait for the perfect time never panned out for her and today they are divorced. If she would have acted immediately when she felt the need for counseling/coaching possibly her marriage could been saved. Who knows, but I can say that she would have felt better at least knowing she tried when she felt the urge to get help.

The consequences of delay can harm you in many ways. Confront it now and don’t wait for the perfect time, don’t think that the problem will resolve itself and go away. It’s better to be in control when confronting a problem before it gets out of control. Here are my tips for dealing with the consequences of delay.

  • When you notice that you’re starting to put off a task that needs to be done today..stop thinking that way..get it done today. Don’t put it off.
  • If you have relationship issues, get help immediately..at least call for yourself. There is no perfect time, get help now!
  • If you feel that your health is a concern, go to the doctor now! The delay can cost you your life.
  • If you feel the need to make things right with someone, go to that person and talk with them with a humble heart.
  • If you feel someone needs a helping hand, physically or financially go help them. You may be their only hope.

For many people time is of the essence, your delay can cost others some great pain that they might not unnecessarily need to go through. If you know of a family struggling with needing food, go help. If you know of someone who is alone and needs your company and encouragement go talk with them. Be giving of your time.

You can help intercede for some folks who can’t help themselves with the consequences of delay. If you see a need that you can provide for someone then feel free to help them. Many in our lives may need our help in solving their problems. Can you be that person who can help them avoid the consequences of delay? If you can reach out and help them.

In closing I just want to say that you’re pretty much in control of what happens to you during your lifetime. You pick and chose the path you walk and will suffer the consequences with the choices you make. Many seek help from our creator during our lifetime for conflicts, heartaches, or just a friend to talk to. Use common sense in your delays if you don’t you could be headed in for some trouble.

Do you need help in finding out what causes you to delay issues in your life? Are you afraid of the consequences of delay? Do you need help in how to stop delaying problems that you face? If you answered yes to any of these questions Dr. Mike can help you solve these problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means for counseling and coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Consequences of Delay (1)

What would it mean if you delayed doing something that could cost you your marriage or life? Let’s say it might cost you a wonderful friendship, maybe your business, or a relationship that you took for granted? Many of us have a bad habit of putting off things that can get done today yet put it off for another day. The consequences of delay can be very costly to us in many ways. In this article I’m going to help you understand the consequences of delay and how they can be avoided.

Keep Busy To Beat Being Lonely

Don’t delay when wondering about your failing relationship

Think about it, consequences of delay can cost us our lives, relationships of all kinds, it can cost us business, even our sanity. I’m sure we all have delayed doing something just because it was inconvenient or embarrassing thing to do. I honestly can say that I am in this group and know of several others that are knowingly and unknowingly a member as well.

My mother lost her life because of the consequences of delay. We were attending my dad’s funeral in Minnesota and while we gathered in the hotel lobby waiting for the limo from the funeral home to pick up our family..she began to cough. It was deep coughing and as she pulled the Kleenex away from her mouth there was spots of blood on it. I asked her how long was this going on? The limo pulled up to the lobby of the hotel where she quickly changed the subject and out the door we went to the cemetery. At the dinner for family and friends she continued to cough.

That evening when we were alone I asked my mom how long has coughing up blood been going on? She told me while my dad was ill she didn’t want to tell anyone. Then she said that it had been going on for months. I asked her to promise me that she would go to the doctor when she got back to Chicago. She said she would. Two weeks later she called me and said that she had lung cancer. She lasted 2 years with her lung cancer. Could her cancer have been cured and she live years longer? Who knows, but I can say that the consequences of delay cost her life.

If you have any health problems that you may think will resolve themselves, stop kidding yourself. Go get the physical problem looked at. If you catch it now the chances of getting it fixed are in your favor. Some people are embarrassed to tell their doctors that their private parts need to be checked out. Listen my friends most of us have to get over that fear before it’s too late. I know a lot of men who dread getting their prostate gland checked out at their yearly physical. Just go and get yourself checked out. Your family and friends need you!! Don’t delay, PLEASE.

Do you need help in finding out what causes you to delay issues in your life? Are you afraid of the consequences of delay? Do you need help in how to stop delaying problems that you face? If you answered yes to any of these questions Dr. Mike can help you solve some of these problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means for counseling and coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Why give your marriage a second chance?

How many of you want to save your marriage? You’ve struggled with your pride, you hate to admit defeat and yet you have no clue on how to be humble and start working on repairing your marriage. You may say “it’s too late I’ve done a lot of damage to my spouse and our marriage.” “There is no way I can save this marriage! I’ve cheated, I’ve lied, said and done things I regret. How can my spouse ever forgive me?”

Usually the person wanting to save their marriage will not allow their hurting spouse the time they need to heal. This is a critical time period of stepping back and working on yourself.  Many wanting to save their marriage don’t understand this process. During this time period you need to work on improving your communication skills and setting boundaries that will prevent further damage to your relationship. Dr. Mike says there is always hope in saving any relationship.

Are you willing to take the baby steps to repair the damage done to your marriage? Are you willing to do the hard work to save your marriage or relationship? Are you willing to be brutally honest with yourself and make necessary changes that will win your spouse back? Are you afraid to talk to your spouse about trying to save your marriage and need help in planning that talk with your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions then call Dr. Mike or Dawne at 303.456.0555 to set up an appointment.

Part of repairing your marriage is admitting you need help and then following through with getting it. In this wings clip video you can see humility when the husband asks for a second chance and asks for forgiveness. If you need help in saving your marriage and want to talk to a ACS counselor call today!  We’re offering a free 30 minute consultation so schedule an appointment today.

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The Severed Conscious (3)

Find someone who can help you move on with your life!

Find someone who can help you move on with your life!

When someone knows that they are intentionally hurting someone and yet continue to do so I call that a form of a severed conscious. You may ask what can I do about someone who continues to hurt me and not show any remorse for their actions. If you can’t reason with them and they don’t care then it’s time to move on. You know my feelings about high maintenance people if they can’t be reasoned with then cut them out of your life. I say the same thing about the person who has a severed conscious. Bid them adieu. Say goodbye and move on. Maybe down the road they will realize how they treated you and wake up and want to make amends with you.

You can’t waste your time and energy on these people. If they are willing to seek counseling then by all means work with them and see what happens. This is where you must have your boundaries to protect yourself and family from getting hurt from someone who has a severed conscious.

The wounded these folks leave behind can be found everywhere. If you know of anyone who has been wounded and abandoned by one of these individuals, then encourage them to look for the good in the people they are close to. Don’t let them focus on the bad people do to them but on the good in people in their lives.

Life can be difficult and certainly can be even harder if we allow these people in our lives. I can think of several movies that have someone with a severed conscious as a main character. Any come to mind. Scrooge comes to mind and the movie tells the story of a hardened rich person and his lack of compassion and understanding. Next week we will read about an young athlete who had it all and lost it when he became self absorbed in himself and his lifestyle.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Severed Conscious (2)

The dark face of evil

The dark face of evil

Have we become so hardened towards each other that we just don’t care anymore? I see acts of random kindness all over the place but yet I see hardened people walking about as well. You wonder have they been wounded as children? Have there been broken promises from someone they trusted and loved only to be disappointed repeatedly and this is the reason for their behavior?

I had a couple in my office years ago who were talking about getting a divorce. The husband wanted the marriage to work while the wife was indifferent to repairing it. We sat down and talked. The husband was articulate and able to express himself very well.

The wife just sat there and said nothing.She listened then finally said what was on her mind. She preferred to be in her own world. She lived in the spare bedroom, had her TV and all her books. She was cold and harsh when sharing her wants and desires. In the biblical sense there was no reason for a divorce. There was no adultery, no physical or emotional abuse. No drugs or alcohol issues. She left the marriage and her family behind. This couple had been married 54 years. She had no explanation for leaving the marriage just excuses. When they got divorced she moved out and had no communication with any of the family. The entire family is left with the question “what did we do?”

How do you explain the above story? I call it severing of the conscious. I see this in my office weekly. The only problem is that the people I see are often left with no explanation as to why they have been abandoned emotionally or physically.

It’s practically impossible to get answers from those who have that severed conscious and don’t care and why waste your time? Next week we will go over thoughts on how to deal with these people.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Severed Conscious (1)

Why is it when men or women or anyone for that matter continue to hurt others for no apparent reason and don’t care? Let’s face it, I have seen some pretty ruthless people hurt others over my lifetime. They attack, accuse, and blame people in their own family and circle of friends. Most of these people are hard, cold and very calculating.

The dark face of evil

The dark face of evil

This form of bad behavior is everywhere. I have seen it in my office, while shopping for grocery’s, even at the movie theaters. Other people notice it as well and rarely will say anything.

I was pushing my grocery cart at King Soopers when a lady in her 40′s saw me coming in the produce section cut in front of me and just stopped. She looked at me and didn’t move her cart. She opened her purse pulled out her shopping list and started to look it over. When I started to go around her she cut me off again. I wasn’t the only one she did this to. I saw her do this to a few other shoppers. You wonder why?

This woman was a minor player when it comes to people with a severed conscious. There are some pretty mean people out there and I’m sure you know some as well. What do you do when you have someone in your sphere of influence who walks away from their family? Or someone who has a family member who is ill and offers no help?

Here is one woman who was nicked named “The Queen Of Mean” Leona Helmsley. She was a ruthless and calculating woman, she became impossibly cruel to employees and family. Leona Helmsley died of heart failure at her summer home in Greenwich, Connecticut on August 20, 2007 at the age of 87.

In her will, she left $12 million to her dog, a Maltese named Trouble, while denying two of her grandchildren “for reasons that are known to them.” In 2008, a judge awarded the disowned grandchildren $6 million, and cut Trouble’s share to $2 million. In private, as it turned out, the grinning monarch wasn’t just demanding but despotic. Throughout her life, Leona left a trail of ruin—embittered relatives, fired employees and fatefully, unpaid taxes.

Throughout her life, Leona Helmsley demonstrated not just a lack of affection for her fellow-humans but an absence of understanding as well. She was hated by many and showed very little lack of compassion for the hurting people she knew.

In next weeks article we will look at the hardened people we live and work with and how to deal with them.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Forgiveness (2)

Forgiveness (2)

Letting go can open all kinds of doors for you

Letting go can open all kinds of doors for you

In part (1) we covered the basics of forgiveness, this week we will go over a plan on how implement forgiveness techniques. Take a look and see if these tips can help you over come some of your unforgiveness. If you need to go to someone and make things right make that happen today, don’t delay! Today’s tips are 1 through 5.

1. Nobody’s Perfect we all screw up
You’re not perfect and neither am I, no matter how hard we try to be. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I remember reading a book about a woman who had a near death experience, and one of the things she wrote about was how she realized how often she had offended people on earth and had absolutely no idea that she had done it. At some point you will need to ask someone for forgiveness, so humble yourselves and learn to forgive others when they need it… whether they ask for it or not.

2. You’ve Been Forgiven and so have I
This goes back to my first point in that at some point in your life you will need forgiveness. I’m sure you can think of at least one occasion in your life, let’s think back to high school if your memory is a bit foggy. I do believe to a degree that what goes around comes around, so if you can get in the flow of forgiving others you will find that (hopefully) you will be forgiven when needed as well.

3. Don’t Take It Personally
This can be so hard to do, but it’s necessary and so helpful to get through this thing called life. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought that someone was mad at me or ignoring me, when really they were just incredibly busy or dealing with their own drama or pain to even remember me. We all do it at some point. I have learned (and am still learning) to not take things so personally, because often another person’s behavior has nothing to do with you. I guess I should say that my default is no longer to take things personally. There will still be times where we are the source of another person’s negative reactions or words, but it shouldn’t be our default assumption.

4. Their Shoes
We’ve all heard this a thousand times: to try to put ourselves in other’s shoes. There’s no way to truly do that. But I do find that if I try to be as thoughtful as possible and don’t take things personally, it’s easier to consider the position another person is coming from and why they may behave the way that they do. I read the other day that “hurt people hurt people.” It’s so true. If you have a thorny person in your life they are probably dealing with a lot of pain that needs to be healed. It’s not up to you to heal them obviously, but you can at least consider that when dealing with them.

5. Life Is Short
This quote from Mother Teresa sums this up better than I can.

“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, they may accuse you of having selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You … see, in the end, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.”

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Forgiveness (1)

Why do some people like to hold on to bitterness and use it as a weapon on those they know and love? Their pretty easy to spot once you have interaction with them. They don’t usually hide it and it appears that they are very comfortable with letting others know they harbor bitterness. In fact some people who are bitter feel that they owe the world a poke in the eye when they are bitter and hurting.

Saving your marriage takes lots of energy!

Go to the person who has hurt you

I was at a breakfast a while back where there were several of us sitting around a table waiting for our orders. I knew just sitting across from this lady there were gonna be fireworks from her to someone at our table. I didn’t have to wait long. Our breakfast orders were brought out to us. The woman and I had ordered the same omelette. I got mine first and it looked great. She got her’s and it looked good. She stared at her omelette and said it was burned. I looked and it looked fine..she pointed at the edge and said “look, right there!” I couldn’t see it but offered her my omelette in exchange for hers. She looked at me and the others sitting around the table and in a loud voice said, “I want to be mad about my breakfast.”

The table became very quiet and she blasted the poor waiter and let him know in no uncertain terms she was angry and demanded a new meal. It was embarrassing for the entire group. This woman has no friends and her children want nothing to do with her. When around her there is no joy whatsoever only bad vibes. I know she has hurt many people in the past and has done nothing to ask forgiveness and repair broken relationships. Why is that?

I suppose some folks just don’t want to forgive and see that making amends can be to hard for them. They are missing out on the joy they could have back in their lives just by saying “I forgive you.”. I have seen amazing accounts of forgiveness given to people who never deserved it in the worlds eyes. I remember on one such occasion that the world watched an Amish community respond to the murders of several schoolgirls in 2006. A gunman entered the one-room Amish school in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. The twenty-five children were terrified as Charles Roberts ordered the boys and the teacher to leave the school and kept the ten remaining girls and tied them up by their legs. He then planned to shoot them execution style. The oldest girl a thirteen year old pleaded with the gunman to kill her and let the others go. He refused and shot and killed 5 girls and critically wounded the 5 others. He shot himself after the police stormed the school-house. His reason for killing and wounding the Amish girls? ” I’m angry at God for taking my little girl.” He told the children before his shooting rampage.

This story was in the news both TV and print media. The world watched to see how the Amish would respond. There were over 50 television crews waiting in this small Amish community to see what the leaders would do and how they would respond to the murders of their children. The world waited and was shocked to hear that the Amish community extended forgiveness to the family of the one who murdered their children.

The world expected the Amish to be bitter and angry over the murders of their children. How could forgiveness be offered so quickly the news media asked? What’s interesting is that the story soon turned from the murders to the act of forgiveness. The world was now learning from the Amish how forgiveness works and the healing aspect of it. If only we could be so forgiving of those who have offended us. If we could let go of the pain that others have caused us.

After all the funerals of the little girls and while still grieving many of these family members attended the funeral of the murderer. Roberts widow was moved by the Amish compassion and forgiveness. Many talked with her after the funeral of her husband. The amazing fact from all this is how the Amish set up a fund to support the family of the killer. That my friends is forgiveness.

One of the hardest things for us to do when wronged is to respond with kindness. It flies in the face of evil. Many of us love to read stories about how people responded with kindness when something evil happened to them. But when it strikes us personally then that’s a whole different story. We seem to get indignant, angry, hateful, bitter and that’s ok. My point is this, “let it go.” Move on, get past the bitterness and enjoy your life. Keep this in mind. The hate you may feel toward your adversary does not harm him or her in the way that you want. “resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy.”

Do you want help in learning how to forgive? Or is it you just don’t want to let go because it gives you something to live for day to day? Here are some tips for those of you who want to let go and move on. I got some of these from Leslie Mitchell who understands the meaning of forgiveness. next week we will go over some her suggestions for forgiveness. I see a lot of people in my office who struggle with forgiving those who have offended them. These tips are a good starting point to work with.

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I’m Not Responsible. It’s Your Fault! (2)

There is always hope if you're willing to fight for your marriage

There is always hope if you’re willing to fight for your marriage


Another excuse for not taking responsibility for their actions. “The reason I am so over weight is McDonalds should know better in using the wrong kind of fat when they make their french fries. It’s their fault I am gaining weight. I am talking to a lawyer to see if I have a case for my obesity.” Remember when the woman spilled her hot coffee in her lap at the drivethru and blaming McDonalds for making the coffee to hot. Whose fault was that? She sued and won millions in her case. What message did she send to her family and the millions of people who saw this on the news? It’s not my fault I spilled the coffee.
One of my favorites is “I didn’t do my homework because I couldn’t find my history book.” Kids today have so many electronics at their disposal. There can be a problem with that. It takes kids away from doing their homework, introduces some kids into porn. Many kids get hooked on the games they play for hours. Parents need to be checking into their kids electronics on a regular basis. Who is responsible for the kids at home and at school? The kids learn from watching their parents blame each other for their personal failures. I have heard some parents blame each other for their kids grades. It’s time to stop blaming each other and take 100% responsibility for our actions. Our kids need to see that.
I think it’s time that we as friends, parents, married couples, children all of us start looking at ourselves and make a commitment to be 100% responsible for all our actions. We need to stop blaming others, we need to stop making excuses and be 100% honest with ourselves and each other. This is one thing in your life that you can control. The question is do you want to make that commitment?
I am looking for those of you who would like to be a part of the 100% responsibility club. In order to be in this club you need to be willing to be wrong and have to be willing to do what it takes to make the wrong right! It’s called being accountable to each other. Many of you have had years of making excuses, blaming others, or using justification to get you off the hook. If you join this club, starting today you will be done with a lifetime of making excuses and accepting full responsibility for your actions. It’s called being real and transparent. If you are interested in joining this 100% Responsibility Club send me an e-mail.
Do you need help in being a 100% responsible for your actions? Do you need to be 100% honest in your relationships and want help in making that happen? Are you needing help in rebuilding trust in a relationship that you were responsible for the problems? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call to get some help.
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