When To Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Part of last week’s article was to give you insights on what your next steps are: Try to find a way to  a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

So Dr. Mike, what do you suggest? I need some idea’s on my next steps. What are your tips for this problem?

This is a great question and one that needs to be looked into. First of all, I would ask you, how long has your ability to communicate been a problem? Has it been a few days, a few weeks, months? Is your lack of communication from an incident that happened between the two of you? Is the reason you don’t talk to each other because of a misunderstanding, and one or both of you refuse to admit you were wrong? There are many reasons some people shut down and don’t want to talk.

I had a friend of mine who always had to be right; it drove his wife insane. They would be having a conversation, and he would say something and if she doubted him, out came the cell phone, and she would be Googling or fact-checking him. He got fed up with it and just stopped talking to her, and she didn’t understand why he refused to talk with her. He told me that the peace he was getting from not talking with her was just what he needed. They tolerated each other, and she was livid for his silent treatment. He got the peace he needed, and she got nothing because she was fact-checking him all the time. I don’t recommend avoiding your spouse because they use the cell phone against you. I suggest that you sit down if at all possible and figure things out. Is this a reason to walk away, no it isn’t, but it does happen.

If your spouse is always on their cell phone, what can you do, how do you deal with it?

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in angry spouses, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When To Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I watched my client wipe her tears away with her tissue, she continued to talk about the relationship she was ending. “I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried counseling, I’ve begged, pleaded, I’ve groveled, I even tried bargaining with God as she looked up at the ceiling in my office with a laugh. I don’t know what else to do; I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired; I can’t sleep, I can’t focus at work, heck my kids don’t even know who I am anymore.”

I can’t live like this anymore, it’s time to walk!

“This must end, she said, but I’m not sure how to end a relationship of 10 years. He constantly sits on the couch and watches TV or is on his cell phone texting or playing games. He just sits there. As I leaned against the wall in the kitchen watching him the other day; I stared at the back of his head as he sat on the couch wondering what has happened to us. We used to have so much fun together and with the kids. I caught myself thinking and wishing, even praying I want to old days back. We used to talk about anything and everything. Life was good; then he seemed to drift away, emotionally, physically, I don’t know what happened to him!”

This is not an uncommon problem; it’s a problem that is happening in many relationships today. Communication is key to resolving most issues in any relationship. When the person that you’re trying to connect refuses to talk, then problems will never be resolved. If you try to set up talks and they refuse to sit down or even show interest, then you need to decide what your next steps are. They can be radical; they can be intuitive, or even simple-minded next steps. Try to find a way to set up a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Divorce Coach, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week, we talked about a husband that felt he took advantage of his wife during the years they were married. At her funeral he shared with me that he had regrets for the way he treated her. If you feel that you’re complacent in your relationship with your spouse then you need to change course and make some changes. Today we will continue with this week’s article “Never take your spouse for granted.”

Pay close attention to your spouses needs, it will help the relationship grow.

I suggest helping your spouse out at home, running errands, making meals or planning a surprise date night really is special and greatly appreciated. These simple things are meaningful and shows that your spouse is a priority in your relationship.

I watched my brother do many things for his wife my last trip to Florida. He’d run errands for her, always asked if she needed anything, he is an amazing example of a great husband. Our dad was the same way. He was a retired army officer of 37 years and always put my mother first. He cooked, cleaned, helped raise our family. He loved my mom and we kids all saw that. When mom got cancer, after her surgery he was by her bedside at the hospital almost 24/7, and when she returned home, he was taking great care of her. I loved that about my dad, he served my mom and the rest of us kids. Keep in mind that he was in WWII, Korea, and Viet Nam. He saw lots of combat and was still that gentle and caring husband and loving father.

My question to you is this, what can you do this week for your partner that would be meaningful and help them out? Is there a project that they would like you to do? Painting a room, cleaning out a closet, taking them somewhere they’ve always wanted to go. I remember a few years back when I was on the west side of my house and seeing how bad it needed painting in some spots. I had a gallon of locust green paint we didn’t use and started painting the one area that needed it the most. Well, you can imagine that the one spot looked great when I was done, but the rest of the west side needed a complete paint job. It didn’t stop there, the entire front of the house needed it and the east wall, and the back of the house got painted. I was doing this because my wife wanted it done and I was happy to paint.

So, if you feel like your taking your spouse for granted, then do something about it. My friend who shared his feelings about taking his wife for granted at her funeral resonated with me. I never want to do that, nor do you. I know many of you would benefit by asking your spouse if they feel taken advantage of. For some of you, you already know the answer. It’s a simple fix and one that needs to happen. Your spouse is your partner, not a servant. Make them feel appreciated and loved.

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, Life in general, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never take your spouse for granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I watched a friend of mine as he stood in front of his wife’s casket prior to her funeral service. He just stared at her with his head slightly cocked to the side; he didn’t move; he stood motionless for what seemed minutes. I looked around the room and could smell the perfumes mixed in with the aroma of the flowers behind her casket. Several small groups of people talked softly in different parts of the chapel. I’m sure they were relatives, friends, and church members. My friend still stood motionless. As I looked at him, I thought to myself, I have no words to say, nothing to add nor to comfort him, but me being there is what I felt he needed.

After a while, he turned and walked towards me. He was all cried out, probably exhausted from the lack of sleep and dealing with funeral arrangements and his family. He looked at me and smiled, thanking me for being there for him and then sat down next to me. I listened to him as he shared about his many years he had with his wife. He said, “you know Mike, I could have been a better husband to Susan, I wasn’t there for her very much. In fact, I put others ahead of her, geez he said…I can’t believe I did that.”

I listened as he continued to talk, he mentioned that he took Susan for granted, for the many years that they were married. He put his needs ahead of hers; he expected her to be at his beckon call. He said that when he got home after work he expected dinner on the table, the house to be clean, and she was supposed to be looking good for him. They were married for over 50 years, and he was proud of that!

The one thing that sticks in my mind is, when he said, “I took Susan for granted.” that was a powerful statement and one that we need to talk about today. If you look at your relationship with your spouse and are honest about it, are you taking your spouse for granted? A simple question but one that runs deep to the core of all relationships. Not just marriages, but all relationships.

If you feel that you keep taking your spouse for granted in your marriage, and not giving your spouse anything in return, you may want to make some changes that will help your relationship become stronger. Sit down with your partner and discuss the things that they would like from you in your relationship. I have heard all kinds of great idea’s. One of the big ones that comes to mind, ask your spouse what you can do for them before you start your day. Most likely you’ll hear “I’m good for now.” Then go start your day. But keeping your spouse first is key to a happy marriage. The more you communicate in your relationship the less confrontation you will have.

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

OMG, I butt dialed God?? by Candaise Sheets

OMG, I butt dialed God??

by Candaise Sheets
AA, BFA, Light University PLC, Light University BC Life Coach

Yep, you read the title correctly, I accidentally butt dialed God, and he answered!

It all started on a cold Colorado Monday morning, just after I dropped off the twins at school, around seven fifteen in the morning.

Do you sometimes find yourself alone in your car and you start talking to yourself? Or do you find it a perfect time to pray? I spend a lot of time in the car alone, and find that these moments are a great time to talk to myself, or to pray out loud.

OMG, I butt dialed God???

This particular morning, I was so emotional because I found myself in the midst of a scary divorce, my ex had recently told me he was no longer paying any bills. Subsequently, the checking account was over drawn by thousands of dollars, the mortgage needed payment, the medical bills are huge, I didn’t get the job I interviewed for, and don’t even get me started on the credit card debt.

So I was feeling very alone, and extremely scared that gray morning. As I was driving I began to cry and started to tell God that I was so scared and didn’t know what to do. This crying rant didn’t last too long because, suddenly realized I forgot to drop off the kid’s art supplies off at the school, so I had to turn around, and go back to the school. I parked in front of the school and started unloading the supplies from the back of my car when my oldest son called me. My oldest son is a night owl and is never up at seven thirty in the morning. When I looked down at my phone and saw his number I was afraid something bad had happened as he has had health issues.

I was standing in the freezing cold wind, I immediately answered the phone, and before I could ask if he was okay, he asked me if I was okay. This took me completely by surprise, and before I knew it I was telling him I was fine through my tears. I told him I was okay and was just going through a tough time. He kept asking me if I was okay which seemed a little odd to me. Then he told me that his wife received a call from me, and she could hear me crying, and saying that “I was scared, and that I have never been this scared in my life”.

I said out loud and dumbfounded, “Ahhh, what?” That’s when it dawned on me, what happened! “Oh, my phone must have dialed you while inside my purse, I am so sorry”. I explained.

I was so embarrassed and sorry that I had scared them, and quickly assured him that I was okay. He then told me that they called the police. I was again surprised, and said I was fine, and there was nothing to worry about.

So, with shaking hands, I hung up and I went into the school office carrying an arm load of art supplies. As I was talking to the office lady at the main desk my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, so I apologized to her and shut the ringing off. A few seconds later same number called again, and again I turned it off. We shrugged, and I continued our conversation. A few seconds later same number was urgently calling me. The office lady looked at me with concerned eyes, and she said that I should probably answer it. It was the Sheriff.  He was calling to make sure I was okay, and that I didn’t need help. I spent the next ten minutes embarrassingly explaining that I was fine, and that I was praying in my car, and didn’t know my phone had dialed out. I told him a bit about the divorce, and that I was just struggling, and he was so sweet on the phone I started crying all over again.

After I hung up I went back to the office lady, and told her I just did the most embarrassing butt dial ever. I told her the story about me crying and praying in the car, and how my phone called my son. I was so mortified; tears were running down my face.

Just then the Principle of the school walked up with a great morning smile, and asked me how I was doing. I have to let you know that I simply adore the Principle, he is an amazing, wonderful man who makes you want to be a better person. So, embarrassed at my tears, and yet very grateful that I still had my sunglasses on, I smiled brightly and said,” I was fine.” The office lady standing at the desk gave me such a wounded puppy look of sympathy because, she knew I was really struggling not to break down in front of him.

I rushed out of the office just feeling like the stupidest person, berating myself for wasting the poor sheriffs time, and frightening my son.

On the drive back home, I called my friend, and told him what had happened, and how mortified I was.

He said in a very excited voice “That wasn’t just a butt call, that was a God Call!”. “God reached out to you when you were in pain and feeling alone. He is showing you that you are not alone, and that there are people who love and care about you, even people you don’t know.”

“Ooooooooh”. I said as my eyes grew the size of large saucers as the significance of what he was saying sank into my brain.

I butt dialed God?? I said in a hushed voice.

After I hung up, and continued to drive home, a surprising thought suddenly came to me. What if God has been sending me messages like this my hole life, and I never understood they were from Him? I quickly apologized to God for all the years I didn’t take notice of his messages, and promised to start paying more attention. At that moment I imagined God taking his large hand and slapping his forehead and saying, “DOH”. Just like Homer Simpson.

It took a dear, wise, friend to show me that accidents are not necessarily just accidents. Sometimes God is reaching out, trying to send a message to you in ways that are surprising, and unexpected.

My reason for sharing this story is to reach out, and tell anyone who will listen that just maybe those weird coincidences that happen in our life might just actually be God reaching out to us. Who knew?!

Are you going through a rough divorce or separation? Are you feeling broken and alone in your struggles? Do you know someone who is going through a divorce and needs help? If you answered any of these questions with a yes, there is help for you. Contact Candaise at Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services at 303.456.0555.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike or Candaise over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike or Candaise send an email to Dr. Mike at mbrooks3353@gmail.com,  or Candaise at candaisesheets@gmail.com)  303.349.6549 to set up an appointment. You an also call 303-456-0555 any time. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike or Candaise a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in angry spouses, Divorce Coach, Life in general, relationships, Women in abusive relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships (4)

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (4)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have to say that I’ve heard about some pretty responsible kids and how they are respectful of the use of their cell phones. They will tell their parents where they are headed, who they are with and what they are doing. This seems to me, children who respect their parents enough to let them know what’s going at school, after school and the company they keep.

The best advice I can give you, is to refocus the value of cell phones and electronics in the family

Not all cell phone use is bad; there are some advantages to kids having them. They will let you know where your child is at; they can be a good tracking device. In case of an emergency, you can call your family member, or they can call you. There are many educational uses for electronics. So, there are some good things that come from electronics these days!

I think putting time limits on your kid’s usage on their electronics (cell phone, I-pad, TV, etc.) is pretty important. Kids are spending way to much time on electronics instead of face to face conversation. The kids these days are spending an average of 6 hours a day on their electronics. Most parents don’t have a clue as to how many hours their children are in front of their cell phone screen. I think it’s time that they do, and start monitoring how many hours they will allow their children to be playing games, texting, Snap chat, twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. I think you should be getting their passwords and logins. Remember that trust is earned, over a period of time and certainly, by explaining this to your child, this will prevent problems, so get their login and passwords. Get this information before they get any electronics that should be a part of the deal.

I had one client who trusted her daughter and didn’t ask for this information. She noticed her behavior was not what it used to be. She was staying up late and texting on her cell phone. She confronted her 14-year-old daughter and wanted to see who she was talking to. Her daughter no way. It’s her business, and she was not going to show her mother her phone. The mother took away the phone and was shocked that her daughter was sending provocative pictures of herself to several boys at her school. She took her phone away for a month. They talked, and the mother explained to her daughter that she could get into serious trouble with the school and the law. Kids don’t see the problems with cell phone abuse; they are caught up in the moment and don’t think about the consequences of bad behavior on their phones.

In closing, I want you to know that kids who have cell phones, need to respect their parents enough not to abuse the privilege of having one. Parents pay the cell phone bill, and want their kids to have them. But not to be lied to about who their children are talking to, meeting up with, and texting to.

Set boundaries for the use of their cell phone, sit down with your child and go over these boundaries. Do this before you give them a phone, get passwords and log in before their phone is set up. Trust me on this; this will prevent a lot of headaches if your child is abusing the cell phone you got them. Make sure when your together eating meals, or having talks that the phone is turned off.

Do you feel frustrated about your families use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Life in general, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships(3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another way electronics are destroying our children is the pornography that’s available to them on their cell phones. How many parents check what their kids have downloaded on their cell phones or other means of electronics? You’d be surprised what our kids are looking at. The average age kids are exposed to porn is eleven years of age. So this begs the question, how safe is it for our kids to be spending time on their electronic devices, without parental supervision?

Parents and kids are disconnecting with each other because of the electronics allowed in today’s families, go to any restaurant and see for yourself.

Kids look at Pornography for a number of reasons; some kids look at it to impress their friends, to show off that they have forbidden pictures and or video to look at and share. For others, it makes them “cool” they try to make new friends with the porn they have on their cell phones. And sometimes it’s boys being boys; they’re just curious. Interest in sex at this age is pretty normal.

If you find out that your child is looking at sexual material on their cell phone, don’t overreact. How you deal with the situation can have more of an effect than finding out your child is looking at pictures of porn. If you find out that your child is looking at porn, this can be a teaching moment for you as the parent. You can turn this into a positive lesson for your child. Maybe it’s time that you have the sex talk with your child, and explain your feelings about it. That’d go a long way in opening communication between you and the child.

If you find your child looking at porn on their cell phone, you don’t need to send your child to a psychologist or psychiatrist when you find out that they have been looking at porn. You may want to seek counseling for yourself on how to deal with it.

OK, now that we know that some kids electronics are causing problems within the family, how can we bring the family back together and have a balance with everyone’s cell phones, and I-pad?

Here are some of my thoughts on how to deal with this problem. First of all, when sitting down with your children, explain your concerns and why. Don’t think for a minute your kids will be on board with silencing their cell phone at the dinner table. They will resist if you don’t give a good explanation of why you’re taking this action.

  • Keep your times together as a family very private. Eat your meals together, no electronics at the table. Turn them off so you can have quality time together. As a parent set an example and turn your’s off as well. I had a friend, whose wife would be on her cell phone checking Facebook, texting her friends, while they were sitting down to dinner. They had very little communication while they ate. This was troubling to him. Her excuse, “this is the only time I have to check my emails, they don’t allow me to do that at work.”
  • Plan activities so that kids will not have time to be on their Do outdoor activities, board games, have them play outside, go on hikes, bike rides, picknicks, keep them busy. The focus is to get your kids to play and have fun, not to entertain them.
  • Consider putting on some software that would block certain websites that are temptations for your kids or grandkids. My one concern is that many of their friends have access to porn sites at their homes and will get on porn sites and bad games without any adult supervision. I think sitting down with them and letting them know that you want to trust them, that they should tell you if some of there friends are involved with porn or adult x-rated games. I know kids think they are getting away with web searches, but you have to be on your toes checking up on them.

Next week, we will continue with some more tips that will help you put a plan together when dealing with cell phone abuse.

Do you feel frustrated about your families use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was at a Verizon store a few weeks back waiting for my turn to talk to a tech person. As I waited, I glanced over to see a woman with her son talking to a sales rep; the boy was about eight years old. She was talking loud enough that you could overhear her saying she was buying the phone for her son. He was not paying attention to what the sales guy was saying. He was watching people in the store. I’m wondering if she wanted him to have a cell phone because his friends had phones.

Social media is destroying marriages across the country!

Back in the day landlines were all we had. There was no call waiting, if the line were busy, you’d call back, it was that simple. Or if you had to talk to your friend, there were four options you had. You walked, rode a bike or drove in a car, or waited and called back. Now, you have Voice mail, call waiting, three-way calling, texting, messaging, emailing if you need to leave a message. I know that there are other means of communication.

I know grandparents are having a difficult time communicating with their grandchildren. Many seniors don’t text or like talking on a cell phone. They want to spend time with their grandkids face to face. I understand that there are reasons why this can’t happen, distance, health reason, etc. I would love to see grandkids reach out to their grandfather and grandmother and spend time with them. Not on their electronics but in a room with them.

I love to watch people at restaurants and how they interact with each other. I’ve noticed that interaction is now less and less. Go to any restaurant and watch how many in the family are on their electronics. They never speak to each other; they concentrate on their cell phone, I-pad, or watch the TV in the restaurant. I just don’t see the communication that families used to have many years ago.

I see many family relationships dying because of the electronics issue. Parents are taking away electronics is now a form of punishment and kids don’t like it. I’ve heard so many excuses as to why kids need to have their electronics, from the kids themselves. “My teacher sends my assignments on my e-mail, or they text it to me,” whatever!!!! Many parents are buying into this explanation, and will not talk with their kid’s teachers to find out if this is true.

Next week, I’ll give you some tips on how to deal with the abuse of electronics in your home. This is a major problem in the home today.

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I went to a fast food restaurant and was having lunch with a friend of mine this past September, when suddenly several junior high kids rushed in and sat at the vacant tables surrounding my friend and I. The kids took out their cell phones from their backpacks and began to text each other in the restaurant. They were showing each other some of the pictures they had on their cell phones. The older boys went off to the side looking at some questionable material on their phones. I could tell by the way some of the boys had their hands cupped over their mouths while looking at the one boy’s cell phone while others were laughing and saying play it over again. The girls were in their group looking and sharing what they had on their phones. They were giggling and laughing while looking at their friend’s phones. I began to think, so much for sit down lunches and making new friends.

Internet and social networks replace live communication with family and friends.

Can you believe that this seems to be a hot topic in today’s culture and around the world today? If you think about it, parents use electronics to babysit their kids; teens use them to connect with other teens, adults use them to kill time while waiting for work, waiting for the kids, or just to humor themselves.

Let’s look at the pre-era of cell phones, electronics, and family connections. I can remember when we sat around the dinner table and actually talked to each other. My parents would have classical music playing in the background (to give us culture, my mom would say) as we ate. I wasn’t crazy about that kind of music, but at least it was something to listen to. The four of us kids would share around the dinner table with our parents what our day was like at school, the kids we played with, things we wanted to do on the weekends. I have fond memories of many of those talks. My dad and mom would show interest in our daily lives. They’d help us with our homework; they’d sit and listen to us about the concerns we had. I know it was a different time, but I see the disconnect between parents and children, teachers, and students, even kids to kids in today’s family and society. I often wonder what’s going to happen to the families that allow electronics to control most of the communication within the family?

I have talked to Baby Boomers who feel that the 1950’s and 1960’s was the start of the decline of the family and the rise of the electronic revolution. For many of us, TV dinners were the rage. You watched TV together on TV trays; nobody talked to each other, all eyes were glued to the TV. It was a convenience for mom to put the frozen TV dinners into the oven for everyone and not prepare full-blown meals. We were captivated by Ed Sullivan, Mister Ed, I love Lucy, Howdy Doody. What used to be on early television in the 1940’s was news and other broadcasts. Then popular radio shows transitioned into television shows in the 1950’s. Then in the mid-1950’s is when some families started watching TV for the first time. In the 1960’s is when most American families had television sets in their homes. This is a short history lesson in the advancement of electronics and the decline of the family.

Today most people have a cell phone or I-pad that has replaced the TV, and it’s carried around in backpacks, on your person, in the classroom, at the dinner table, and the workplace.

Next week we will continue on with, how electronics are being abused in the family, at school, and with friends.

Do you feel frustrated about your families use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I listened to a caller on my cell phone describe the state of her marriage, I could hear the anguish in her voice. She was in deep distress in where her marriage was headed. She needed some tools on how to talk with her husband, how to communicate better and hear his needs and share hers and her concerns. This couple was not connecting whatsoever. This frustrated her to no end. She loved him and admitted her faults to him and wanted a fresh start in their relationship. He wasn’t so sure that’s what he wanted. There was a great deal of pain on his part from his past relationships, and now he was comparing her to old girlfriends. This is not a place where couples want to go. It’s easy to get caught up in this kind of thinking. But, it’s also poisonous thinking and a killer of borderline marriages in crisis.

When our marriages seem hopeless, we seem to struggle with finding ourselves and finding answers to our problems. It’s not easy being in a tight spot, and sometimes we say and do things that we don’t even understand. Hopelessness is a very strong word, and for many, it is a word that describes the situation their in. I often tell people if you’re in that spot, it’s best to step back and evaluate and take some time to let things set in and then make your next move. I believe in the realm of marriage relationships nothing is hopeless; some wise choices must be made. Whether moving on or sticking it out and working on your relationship, that is your choice.

I had a man come to my office and share his concerns about his marriage. He mentioned that he saw nothing but divorce in his future. His wife was always angry and they rarely communicated with each other. He hated going home, and I later found out she didn’t want him coming home. What a miserable existence they both lived in. We talked, and I gave him some idea’s on how to better communicate and how to become a better listener. Both felt that these were common problems in their marriage. I told him nothing is hopeless as long as you both can come to the table and talk. Learn about each other’s needs and wants. Learn to be able to share details and connect at a deeper level. Keep away from surface talks I told him, get to the point but be compassionate when you talk. Avoid blaming each other for past mistakes. Look to your future together and move in that direction. Avoid the pitfalls of bunny trailing in your conversations. Stay on topic. Unpleasant conversations can be hard but must be dealt with immediately if there is any chance of saving a relationship. What kinds of situations are called for immediate talks? Next week we will continue part two in this series.

Do you feel hopeless about your marriage? Have you given up and feel there is no way your marriage can be saved? Do you want to save your marriage but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication and need help in restoring it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment