Fighting Fair, can it be done?
I have to say that when I got married, I had no clue what to expect, there was no marriage work book, no DVD series on “How to be married.” Sure, I loved her and was excited to be married, but, wasn’t there is a specific time that you have the get to know your spouse stage? Your marriage is supposed to be for keeps, it’s supposed to be forever, remember you said a vow in front of a lot of people!
When you had a fight while you were dating, you went to your friends for comfort and then you hung out and then went home. In marriage when you have a fight, you either go to your bedroom, garage or bathroom to cool off, and wait till someone surrenders. Does that sound like a marriage you’re in?
Well, there are many simple rules that will help a marriage grow, learning how to fight, learn how to confront, and learn how to be quiet. We are all guilty of speaking out of turn, and not listening. Some of the reasons we stick our foot in our mouth is out of shear stupidity. We have to win at all costs. That may have been the rules when your parents and grandparents argued, but not any more.
Think about the most ridiculous fight you have ever had with your spouse. Look back and think, what caused it? Most of the fights couples have is because of misunderstandings. I suggest before you ring the bell for the first round, you better be careful what you say. Taste the words you are about to speak, because you may eat those words well after you speak them. “Weigh what you say”, is a saying I tell people that I counsel. If you are saying things just to be heard and make a point, then you better say nothing!
Have a game plan with your spouse before you have an argument, no name calling, no bringing up the past, stick with the facts that apply to your disagreement. Some folks in the heat of an argument, will bring up the past (one, five, and ten years ago) while the other person has no clue what you are talking about, and why is the past being brought in a current argument they will ask?
Have a cooling off period (a few hours if needed), write down your points of contention while you cool off, then when your ready, sit across from each other and talk. There’s no reason to raise your voice, shout, scream and belittle the other person, after all what does this accomplish, nothing at all.
Listen to the other person while they talk, and don’t interrupt them. Really listen to what they are saying, when they are done, then respond with respect. The secret of winning for both sides, is compromising. There does not have to be a loser, both can be winners. When you work on a marriage relationship, it takes time and effort to make it happen. If you have any thoughts or idea’s that you would like to share with this blog, they would be greatly appreciated.
Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.
It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.