I used to watch a lot of TV just to kill time. It worked for a while but eventually I would begin thinking about my wife and the loneliness would settle in. We enjoyed watching all kinds of sports, movies and comedy’s together but now it just wasn’t fun watching them alone. I’d get up to make popcorn, just like I used to, and then head back to the couch only now it was without her by my side. One day it dawned on me that I was doing these things out of habit. I also realized that I was a lonely man. Even though I had my accountability partners, friends from the gym and friends from church, I ached with loneliness. My longing for companionship was heightened when I would watch couples holding hands and kissing. It was especially agonizing when I would see couples connecting with each other while they laughed and giggled and whispered to each other, obviously in love.
When you first shared the news of your divorce with friends did you find that some of them stopped calling you, ignored you or never returned your calls? It was apparent that some of my friends became uncomfortable being around me. I couldn’t understand why people were avoiding me. I realize now they simply wanted to encourage me but they didn’t know what to say so they would avoid being around me. At times, this too added to my feelings of isolation.
Today, my clients ask me what they can expect if they don’t deal with their loneliness in productive ways. What I tell them is that anger can take hold which will inevitably lead to depression and anxiety. Some people will blame their former spouse for their loneliness and eventually find they are exhausted and vulnerable to unhealthy relationships. Many times, those who are most vulnerable fall prey to one night stands and fleeting romance. We all know that the ramifications of these kinds of relationships eventually lead to guilt and in some cases, sexually transmitted diseases. I have had many clients tell me that casual sex deepened their loneliness and their conscious got the better of them. The guilt they had to deal with “after the fact” was very harsh. This is where I counsel my clients to be very careful about rebound relationships. They’re very easy to get into and very difficult to get out of. Often we are looking for someone to fill a void in our lives but a new relationship can grow old quickly, especially if issues from the past have not been completely resolved. Many lessons can be learned from being single. Take time to regain your confidence, work on yourself, and become whole again. Grow during this time and work on the areas you are weak in. Learn to enjoy the time you have being single and use it wisely.
In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.
Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!
Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.
It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.