The Day you Decide to Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks
The day you decide to divorce there will be many things you have to consider. Who will your divorce effect? If you have children, they will be the most challenged in your immediate family circle. Your family, parents, brothers, and sisters, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, for the most part, will take this hard. I think it best that you have a game plan on how to share the news with your family and close friends. Consider those in the family that you trust to share with them your views and insights on your divorce. If you have a known gossip in the family and you know that they will add their personal insights to your private business and share it with others, do not share with them. They will be a problem for you in keeping sensitive information private.
Have a plan on how to talk with your spouse. You need to let them know why you have chosen to take this route and your next steps. Be forthcoming in your reasons and don’t sugar coat your reasons. Be upfront and truthful for obvious reasons. This will be difficult enough when you sit down and share the reasons why you want a divorce. Listen patiently and don’t get angry or upset when they challenge you. Not everyone will sit back and say something like “hey, that’s a great idea let’s get divorced and as soon as possible.” Most likely this will not happen.
Here are some things that your spouse may say that doesn’t want a divorce from you;
- How long have you been thinking of wanting to divorce and why?
- Let’s get counseling/coaching so that we can save our marriage
- What about our children they need both of us in the same house
- Oh you have said this in the past, I know you don’t really mean it
- Please give this one more try, I’ll do better in our marriage
- No, I will not sign any papers giving you a divorce
- We can’t financially do a divorce, forget it
- You’ll get over this, you always do
- I’ll kill myself you just wait and see
- I’ll do anything you want me to do, anything to not get divorced
There will be many reasons why someone who doesn’t want a divorce will fight it. Making promises to change behaviors that they can’t possibly keep. Hearing these pleadings can be heartbreaking. That’s why if you can save your marriage, and get help in deciding what is right for you then just do it.
Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878