When Your Anger Controls You! (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks
Here are a few of my helpful tips when dealing with your anger or with someone that you know. We all face being angry at times, and these tips will help guide you through the minefields of your personal anger or those you know who have anger issues.
Taste it before you say it; if you think your words are going to be insulting, mean, nasty, and you’ll be sorry for saying something you ought not, then don’t say it. Stop right there and say nothing, take some time to cool down. Walk away and give yourself some time to figure out what happened and why it did. Give others the benefit of the doubt, don’t assume someone has it out for you.
When your angry, go for a walk or a bike ride; when I feel like I’m getting angry, I go for a long walk. I use this time to think about the reasons why I am getting angry. I look for reasons as to why this person upset me and how I should have reacted to it. Could I have handled it in a better way or say something differently, probably?
Step back from the situation; After I realize that I may be getting upset, I will step back and evaluate my reasons for getting angry. Basically, it’s a self-time out for me. I will not say anything in response to a personal attack, although I will bite my lip and walk away, at least I will not get myself into trouble. So, if your feeling like you’re going to get out of control, just walk away from the person or situation.
After time passes by and you have calmed down; then address what is making you angry. Walkthroughoutbursts, the steps as to why and how you got upset and angry. Could you have walked away sooner? Were you reacting to someone’s tone of voice or facial expressions? Did you have a chip on your shoulder before you got angry? These are the kinds of questions you have to ask yourself and plan accordingly to prevent an angry outburst.
Give yourself a timeout; I suggest that if someone gets you really upset, then take a timeout and walk away for a certain period of time. I’ve known clients who have taken a permanent timeout from a toxic family member or a relationship. They ended all ties with this individual and moved on with their life. You can do this as well, believe me, its hard at first, but maybe this is what you need to give you some peace of mind.
I had a friend of twenty plus years who seemed to have a grudge against life itself. I noticed that this friend would get upset and angry at the slightest irritation. He threatened people with lawsuits, would get into people’s faces, treat others with disrespect, during the time I knew him he attacked me, and finally, I had enough of it. I called him out on one of his attacks on me, and my friend made it very clear he has the right to attack whomever he felt challenged him on his anger. I decided right then and there that I had to drop him as a friend. I have had no regrets and have a peace of mind since I did that!
Next week we will continue with this series “When Your Anger Controls You”
Do you get upset if someone cuts in front of you in heavy traffic? Do you get angry when someone interrupts you during a conversation? Do you feel the need to defend yourself if you don’t agree with someone’s opinion? Getting upset and angry is normal and can be a healthy emotion, but uncontrolled anger can destroy families and relationships. If you answered any of these questions with a yes, then maybe you should talk with Dr. Mike, he can help you deal with your anger or anger from another person.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
Dr. Mike will be having Zoom classes on; How to Set Boundaries for yourself, your kids, and marriage. There will be a class on the 5-Love Languages, how to have better relationships with your spouse, family and friends. Then lastly, Dr. Mike will be having a class on the Colorcode, why we do the things we do, how to deal with the negative people in your life. If you are interested in any of these classes or have questions, send an email to email@example.com or call 303.880.9878.