Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Posted on September 28, 2013 by drbrooks

I was listening to my radio in my truck when I heard this old classic tune play on the radio:

“I was looking for love in all the wrong places

You will not find love in questionable places

Looking for love in too many faces

Searching their eyes looking for traces of

What I’m dreaming of hoping to find a friend and a lover

I’ll bless the day I discover another heart, looking for love.”

I thought how it was a great tune back in the good old days and how even now, the lyrics apply to men and women looking for love still today.

Many people look for love for all the wrong reasons.  They might look for new relationships to replace someone they have divorced or separated from.  Unfortunately, many of those are doomed from the start. I see many folks who come into my office that have been hurt from rushing into a new relationship and now with they would have waited.

Some people look for love in sugar daddies, cars, houses, and even for looks. My friends, if you’re looking for love, you may be waiting a long time. You need to be healthy before you get into another long term relationship.

What is it that you want in your love relationships? Do you need honesty, integrity, values, someone who can make you laugh? I think the real secret is when you are ready to meet the love of your life you need to be open-minded and honest in what you must have to feel safe and enjoy healthy relationship. Some people settle for second best.  I advise against doing that. Second best will only cause you heartaches and despair.

Case in point, I was working with a woman with who longed to be married. She was what some call a “meat hunter” (looking for a man) and went to great lengths to find one. She signed up for Match.com and Christian Mingle and had her friends looking for her as well. She went on some less-than-desirable dates then tried the bar scene.  Ultimately, it all backfired on her. She finally met someone while shopping at her local grocery store and married him after dating for over a year. They are happily married to this day. She found the love of her life in the coffee isle!

When looking for love, look in the places that you know and trust. Social gatherings, your local church, social clubs and singles groups are a good place to start. I’m sure you have other places you can find good, healthy single people. If you need some ideas on how meet the right kind of people, contact Dr. Mike.  He can help you! Call him at 303.456.0555

 

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The Voice Of Hope “Lost In A Blizzard’ (4)

Posted on September 27, 2013 by drbrooks

The storms of life are beginning to take shape and I had no clue what was only hours away could be my final hours of living. We turned in about 9:00 in the evening, I was pumped for the hunt, and I fell asleep dreaming of big bulls and nice mule deer. I was sleeping nicely until I felt drops of water hitting my face, and wondered what the heck was going on. I felt my nose, and then reached up to feel the ceiling of the tent, which by the way were only inches from my face. I realized that the tent was caving in from 10 inches of snow that had fallen during the night. I woke Mark up and we both were shocked, we never checked what the weather would be, who would have thought of that! I got dressed in my wet jeans and checked outside the, tent poles we bent and some broken. When I got back into the tent, I then realized that all of our clothes and gear was soaked from the rain that changed to snow. I was not prepared for this. The snow continued to fall, normally I would have been thrilled, but not this time.

Hope keeps you going

We had dilemma on our hands, so Mark and I started a fire to get warm and dry some of our clothes. As dawn finally arrived we talked about what we needed to do. He wanted to go get some supplies and let everyone know we were OK on top of the mountain. I stayed behind to watch our gear and gather firewood and kept a fire going. I stayed by our tent and hunted. The snow came down heavy; I was watching a game trail that had been used during the night. I could hear some shots down below me, and wondered what was happening. That’s when I heard the hoofs hitting some rocks close by, the fog was so thick, and I had no clue where these animals were. I was at the ready, and waited for several minutes to see if anything would come by. I went back and added wood to the fire and waited for Mark. It was afternoon, when Mark showed up. He brought in some supplies, food and beverages.

The wind and snow picked up, with fog as well. I have hunted in some pretty nasty stuff, but this took the cake. It was getting dark and I was starting to get cold and the shakes. I added wood to the fire and earlier in the afternoon, I built a lean to for Mark and myself. I couldn’t find any small pieces of wood, I kicked around in the snow for logs in which I could drag over to the lean to. I had a good pile stacked up. My sleeping bag was soaked and never dried out. I lay on the packed down snow, with wet clothes as my base, and covered up with my wet sleeping bag.. I tried going to sleep, but couldn’t because of the shivering and shaking. I was exhausted from being cold. I got as close as I could to the fire and it didn’t warm me at all. I told Mark that I was going to head down to the base camp below us. I had no clue how far away that was, but I was going down. I probably was 100 yards from the lean to, when something told me not to go any further. I went back and got Mark, and insisted that we go down together. The trip down was awful, we got lost, and the snow was blowing and became a blizzard. There was white out conditions, we didn’t know where we were going. We kept going along the side of the mountain. The snow was waist deep in some areas.

It seemed like hours we wandered, It was now 2:30 AM and I suggested to Mark that we fire three shots for distress warning. I did and no one responded, we did this a total of three times, and continued on. We fell over down trees that had sleet turn to ice, and then covered with the snow on top of them made them slick as grease. We fell often and hard. We took breaks and told each other that there was hope and we would be found constantly reassuring each other. I think Mark was as worried as I was about not surviving this hunt. Next week we will continue “Lost In A blizzard.”

“You can’t eat hope,’ the woman said. You can’t eat it, but it sustains you,’ the colonel replied.” ? Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Do you have a situation in the home where you have lost your hope and need to learn how to find it again? Do you feel hopeless and are afraid of what tomorrow brings? Are you afraid to hope again after a personal loss? What scares you about hoping for things? If you answered yes to any of these question Dr. Mike can help you find answers to finding peace in your life. Call him at 303.456.0555

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Divorce By Social Media (Facebook, Classmates, etc)

Posted on September 12, 2013 by drbrooks

Social media is destroying marriages across the country!

A recent client of mine told me about how his wife had reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school through Facebook.They hadn’t seen each other in 38 years and considered each other their “first love.” As we all know, a “first love” is a tough bond to break especially when there was physical intimacy involved.

He told me that her old boyfriend found her on Facebook and sent her a contact note. She responded back by telling him she was married and had 4 children. He wanted to hear more about her life and what she had been doing all those 38 years. Unbeknownst to her, he had been divorced twice and was thinking about her. Eventually, her marriage seemed unfulfilling to her too and unfortunately, she shared that with her ex-boyfriend . He was an engineer and had been divorced for 3 years.He wanted to reconnect with her and she thought it would be nice to see him too. So she traveled to Ohio to meet him and never told her husband where she was going. She just packed her bags for a “weekend getaway”.

When she returned she told her husband of 30+ years that she was divorcing him. She wanted out and had talked to a lawyer about putting the divorce together. She told their grown children that she was divorcing their father and told all kinds of lies about him. She also told the children that he was unfaithful and abusive towards her. The lies got even worse the more time she spent with her old flame talking on the phone and chatting on Facebook. With her lies, she turned her children and family against him.

The lies were so destructive and painful he nearly had a nervous breakdown. He begged, pleaded, groveled, wept and cried to get her back. She destroyed this man’s life because of an affair she wanted and tried to justify it with her own lies. This woman was very deceitful and filled with hate.

When I met with this man at my office, he was beside himself. He had nowhere to turn and his children wanted nothing to do with him. His wife hated him and was bent on taking him down. He asked me, “Dr. Mike, where do I go from here? I have done nothing that she has accused me of. I have been faithful to her and loved her, but she always seemed unhappy.I’ve tried talking with her, planning vacations, etc., but it just never worked out. I even asked her to go to marriage counseling, which she refused. I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, but I tried everything possible to make her happy. “

He told me that he found out who the guy was, what kind of job he had and the type of people he was involved with.He also knew how many times he was divorced and even current relationships the man was involved in. He had all the emails they sent each other with the time and date stamps on them.He wanted to know why another man would take his wife away, knowing full-well she was still married. That was a fair question. Relationships can be so complex!They are hard to understand at times. “Who should get the blame,” he asked? I told him, “They both should. He shares in equal blame.The reason you feel it’s more your wife’s fault is because she is the focal point of your pain.”

If you suspect that your spouse/partner is reconnecting with a former girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, etc., you need to confront them immediately. The longer you delay the more damage there will be and the possibility of your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, you’re headed for trouble so plan on that! More and more relationships have ended from social websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Do you suspect that your spouse has been cheating on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship.

If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

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The Voice Of Hope “Lost In A Blizzard”

Posted on September 3, 2013 by drbrooks

There is always hope for the hopeless

As we continue with “Lost in a Blizzard” you will see how a kid from Wisconsin was headed for danger without knowing it. The area that we wanted to hunt was the White River National Forest, near Carbondale, Colorado. Our first stop was near Denver with my best friend, George, who invited us to stay over before we headed into the high country. George told us about the dangers of hunting in the mountains, the snow, cold temperatures, and high winds. It sounded to me like he was describing Wisconsin during deer season so I told myself I could handle that with no problem! George also shared that the area we had chosen was one of the best areas to hunt elk and deer.  I knew that outdoor writer in the hunting magazine was right about his review of this area. George was had planned to hunt with us but he had to work, so he saw us off and we were on our way.

I had heard stories about the mountains and how beautiful they are. I found out for myself that morning as we drove through the canyons and over the passes.  I had never seen such breathtaking beauty as Colorado mountains.

When we arrived to the area of our hunt, I was astounded at the rock outcroppings and jagged, snowcapped peaks in the distance.  This was what the mountain men dealt with many years ago as they trapped and hunted. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It was all new to me.

As Mark and I loaded up our packs and gear, I looked off into the distance. It was very tranquil and peaceful. The sun was still up so there was plenty of daylight left. We said our goodbyes to John as left for camped with some other guys from Wisconsin that were in the area.  So off we went. The climb was pretty tough considering we were hauling about 60 pounds of gear. We had no clue where we were going.  We didn’t even have a topographic map or compass but we did have our youthfulness! As we kept getting higher the vehicle was getting smaller each time we took a break to catch our breath.  I was using saplings to pull myself up when they were available, to keep the pace up the steep slope. We crested several hills, and finally decided to camp on the flats near some scrub oak. The views were incredible.  I could see for miles in any direction. What sticks out in my mind about the day we climbed was the fact that the temperature was in the high 60s. I was sweating profusely by the time we reached our destination. I figured that we were at 10,000 feet in elevation. Mark and I started a campfire and spent the evening watching the embers glow as the sun began to set. I was tired but, but oh so restful. I imagined what the gold miners that traversed the mountains looking for gold thought of this land the first time they camped

After we pitched the small nylon pup tent we had our first meal by the campfire which was hot dogs and pork and beans.  That probably was the best meal that I ever had while hunting. Simple, but it fit the mood and excitement for the evening. Next week we will continue with “Lost in a Blizzard.”

“No. Don’t give up hope just yet. It’s the last thing to go. When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.”

? Pittacus Lore

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The Voice Of Hope “lost In A blizzard” (2)

Posted on August 27, 2013 by drbrooks

As a kid growing up, I used to dream about hunting out west. My Uncle Larry used to talk about hunting mule deer in Wyoming when we visited him in Minneapolis. He never went into great detail about his hunts, but I often wondered if he had fun. My dad was primarily a fisherman. I loved to hear stories about his ability to hunt ducks when he was a young man. I think the real hunter in our family was my Grandpa Brooks. He was an avid deer and duck hunter and did well, from what I have heard from my dad and Uncle Chet. I was excited when my Uncle Chet sent me copies of my great grandmother’s diary where he noted, “November 28, 1901 had roast deer for thanksgiving dinner”. I knew immediately it was my Grandpa Brooks who provided that. I have carried on that tradition of hunting. As a kid, I would read old Argosy magazines.  They had several stories on thrilling hunts!

The voice of hope can be heard if you listen for it!

I would read anything I could get my hands on about whitetail and elk hunting. If I was at the grocery store and saw a hunting magazine on the newsstand, I bought it. I couldn’t wait to get home to read other hunters exploits in the mountains of the west. I bought a few books on hunting and poured over them in my quest to learn everything I could about big game hunting.

My first big game hunt happened in central Wisconsin. I was hunting the elusive whitetail deer. I got permission to hunt on the Olson’s farm and stayed with this family. John, the master hunter of this clan, worked with me and gave me lots of tips and pointers on how to hunt deer. I read books, listened to other hunter’s tips, asked all kinds of questions, and got some great answers. I became a successful hunter because of John and others. I would usually score on bucks opening day. I wanted a different challenge in my hunting, so after reading articles on elk hunting out west, I decided to give this a try.

I called Mark, a good friend of mine and asked him if he was interested in hunting elk out in Colorado. He thought it was a good idea and so did dad, John. I did some more research and found a good area in the White River National Forest. I had heard some great stories about big elk and big mule Deer. I was ready to go, but had to wait two months before the season opened.  Did I have fun preparing for this hunt!  I would shoot my 7mm Mag every other Saturday and was doing extremely well at 100 yards. I had great groups and was consistently getting better each time I shot my rifle.

After each time at the range, I would sit in my gun-room and clean and oil my rifle. The smell of Hoppe’s in my room made me feel so at home. It’s a smell that most hunters over the age of 30 would remember. It’s a fresh smell of success. Don’t ask me why, it just is!

We loaded up the station wagon with our hunting gear.  I had waited for this kind of hunting trip all my life, even though I was only 32 years old at the time.  As we drove to Colorado, the hours will filled with talking hunting, guns, and the mountains. I had gotten some tips about gear and purchased all kinds of army surplus gear, web gear, Alice packs, butt packs and MRE’s so I was all set. I wanted to be ready for this hunt, and believe me sleeping in the car as we drove to Colorado was nearly impossible because I was so excited. Next week we will continue with “Lost in a Blizzard.”

“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope”

? Elizabeth Gilbert

Do you have a situation in the home where you have lost your hope and need to learn how to find it again? Do you feel hopeless and are afraid of what tomorrow brings? Are you afraid to hope again after a personal loss? What scares you about hoping for things? If you answered yes to any of these question Dr. Mike can help you find answers to finding peace in your life. Call him at 303.456.0555

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The Voice Of Hope 1

Posted on August 8, 2013 by drbrooks

The Voice of Hope 1

Hope is always there, just listen for it!

Many people today have given up on their hopes and dreams. They have stopped believing in themselves and have waited for years to have someone tell them that their situation is not hopeless. The good news is there is hope for them. When we’re down and discouraged just a friendly, encouraging word helps us get through our tough times. When someone gives us hope it can be just the right words we need to hear. We all want to hear encouraging words (verbal life preserver) in the midst of life’s storms. When we’re going through a divorce or separated from our spouse, the pain we go through is unbearable at times. We hope that the pain will go away. Fortunately, it does eventually. The sleepless nights, the weeping, the sad thoughts of failure ease over time. The one thing I have noticed in most people is the hope that people hang on to. Hope is something we anticipate or long for. As children we hoped for many things; in marriage we hope for a bright future with our loved one; in our careers, we hope for promotions and pay raises.

The brokenness I see in my office from clients waiting for just one word of hope or encouragement would amaze you. I can think of many who want to hear a doctor give them hope for a cure or a surgery that would resolve their health problem. The parent who hopes that they will hear from a wayward child or the spouse whose partner has left them hopes that they will soon return home. Those who are looking for work to support encouragement, themselves or their families hope to find a job. There are many who live on hope just to keep them going!

I remember meeting a woman with brain cancer who was told she had a few months to live. She was desperate to live and hoped they would find a cure for her cancer. She went from doctor to doctor just hoping someone would give her the right advice so she could be cured. She contacted several doctors and people who cured cancer with food and exercise.  She even went as far as Chinese medicine for help. Sad to say she passed away a few months later. So, the million dollar question is – what is hope? Where can I find hope? Is there hope for me? I hear a lot of people who want hope in their lives and are searching for it.

Hope is the state which promotes the belief in good outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Despair is often regarded as the opposite of hope.[1] Hope is the “feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best” or the act of “look[ing] forward to something with desire and reasonable confidence” or “feel[ing] that something desired may happen”.[2] Other definitions are “to cherish a desire with anticipation”; “to desire with expectation of obtainment”; or “to expect with confidence”.[3] In the English language the word can be used as either a noun or a verb, although hope as a concept has a similar meaning in either use.

Is there something you are hoping for today? You can’t take your mind off of it and you pray and wish for it. I think each one of us today honestly have something we are hoping for. Hoping to restore your marriage or relationship with a family member is on many hearts. Have you ever been in a survival situation and hoped to be rescued? Some of us can say yes, that has happened. Hope can produce in us how to be resilient, a survivalist, tenacious, and a fighter if we need to be. I want to share my story of hope in a life and death situation. I use this story to let people know there is hope even in life and death struggles.

I was scared, worried, frightened, fearful, and yet through it all I still had hope for surviving and learning that giving up would have been the end for me and others. In the following articles you will find out how hope played out in my near death experience. Many would have just given up and died never knowing how hope could have saved them. Next week I’ll share my story, “Lost In A Blizzard.”

“The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination.”

? Marion Zimmer Bradley

Do you have a situation in the home where you have lost your hope and need to learn how to find it again? Do you feel hopeless and are afraid of what tomorrow brings? Are you afraid to hope again after a personal loss? What scares you about hoping for things? If you answered yes to any of these question Dr. Mike can help you find answers to finding peace in your life. Call him at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

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The Art Of Forgiveness 4

Posted on July 26, 2013 by drbrooks

When you forgive you can move forward with your life

There is a lot of unforgiveness in divorces and I will get ex-spouses who are getting counseling/coaching asking I want to forgive them for the affair they had, but does that mean that I have to be friends with them or reconcile? Forgiveness doesn’t guarantee you reconciliation. Many times it’s not possible to fix a broken relationship for various reasons, might be the person who you want repair a relationship has passed away or is unable to communicate (dementia, in jail, etc.) Or they have no interest in doing so. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with them, it’s your call! Remember, forgiving someone is for you so you can let go and move on with your life. You may forgive someone and their behavior may not change or they don’t care. Remember your letting go of the unforgiveness so you can bring peace, joy, happiness and stability back into your life. You will no longer allow the other person to control certain parts of your emotions and hurt you any longer.

OK, so we pretty much covered what you need to do with your unforgiveness. Now let’s talk to those who need to go and ask for forgiveness. This is a hard place to be in. It can cut to the pride issue, either you really want to make amends and get things right or live with the guilt and not do a thing. I suggest that you go to the person you have wronged and let them know you have wronged them. When you do, be sincere and show humility and sorrow for your actions and how you have harmed them. If you know the wrongs you have done them, then address those and ask that person to forgive you, and make no excuses owe up to your wrongs. There may be times when someone will not forgive you. Give them time to think about it. I know it’s hard and embarrassing at times to say “I’m sorry”, but the peace and relief that it will bring will amaze you. This is an area in our lives that we need to take care of business and repair relationships. Life is too short to carry grudges and hate each other.

In closing, I see many relationships restored because one person is willing to let bygones be bygones. They have a heart for making things right. It can be a daunting task and one that requires a heart for people. Forgiveness is just not a one time effort, it’s a lifestyle. We all have been wronged and will be as long as we are in relationships with each other. Let’s face it this journey we are on will have bumps in the road. People will disappoint us and let us down. I face that fact all the time as you do. Do I focus on what people have done to me, no! Do I dwell on people who fail me, again No! If someone continues to hurt me then I have a decision to make, do I allow them to be users of my emotions? That my friends is the path we must decide when we are in relationships, whether it be family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers. The art of forgiveness is up to you…

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat……Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established………Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation………Forgiveness does not excuse anything………You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness……”
Wm. Paul Young,

“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
G.K. Chesterton

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes

Are you harboring unforgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Are you wanting to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions give me a call at 303.456.0555.

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The Art Of Forgiveness 3

Posted on July 16, 2013 by drbrooks

My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 69. He was a smoker and had been for years and for some unexpected reason he just up and quit. We still don’t know the reason why he did. I wonder if it was a Doc who told him to, or did it just do it on his own?

Letting go can open all kinds of doors of healing

Anyway, he talked with the cancer Docs and they suggested a few options of dealing with his cancer. One was getting part of the lung removed with chemo, the other was chemo alone, and his other option was radiation therapy. When dad and I talked he said he wanted the surgery and the Doc’s told our family as we gathered together that this was the best option and would give my dad years to live. I remember hearing one Doc say you will have your dad around for many, many years! I was ecstatic and so were my brothers, sister and mother. Dad had his surgery and started his PT at the hospital. Everything was going great until 5 days later, he was having difficulty breathing. Then I received the phone call that evening he passed away.

I thought to myself, the Docs said that he would have a long life, that he would be home soon and enjoy life! My brothers and I wanted to sue the Doc’s and the hospital for causing his death. We called some lawyers and they were interested in this wrongful death lawsuit. My life was upside down and I realized it consuming me, was my anger and bitterness out of control? My heart told me to forgive yet my attitude told me to continue the fight. I remember how I was like my friend, would tell anyone I met about my dad’s death and how it was the fault of the doctors.

I’m sure when they saw me coming they avoided me and didn’t want to hear my story again! I shared with my friend how this impacted me with my friends, family members, and acquaintances. I asked him if he thought his sister’s death was an accident, and he said yes. There was no drunk driver involved, no drugs, it was an accident, yes it was painful and hard on the entire family. It was time to let go of the un-forgiveness and move on with the good memories of his sister. He did that and is feeling the pressure slowly going away. He told me he was letting it go one day at a time. When you forgive someone it is a process done in stages, it’s not an overnight happening. Next week I will share my thoughts on how un-forgiveness hurts us in all our relationships inside and outside our homes and sphere of influences.

Here are my thoughts and musings on un-forgiveness:
•    Look back at the times you have wronged someone and how they forgave you.
•    Ask yourself the question what is the point of holding on to un-forgiveness where does it get me?
•    Sometimes people do and say stupid things without knowing it we all do.
•    Look at how your un-forgiveness has affected your family, friends and even coworkers.
•    Do you feel depression coming on when you think about the person who has wronged you?
•    Do you lose sleep thinking about that person who hurt you?
•    Are you obsessed and wanting to seek revenge? Where will that get you possible jail time or banned being with friends and family.
•    If your struggling with un-forgiveness then talk with a counselor/coach who can guide you through the process of letting go.

“Forgiveness is the one gift you don’t give to others. Rather, it is the gift you give yourself so you can finally be free.”
? Shannon L. Alder

“Learn to forgive others so that you can release yourself from being held captive by the very negative thoughts around you.”
? Stephen Richards

Are you harboring un-forgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Are you wanting to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions give me a call at 303.456.0555.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Art Of Forgiveness (Part 2)

Posted on July 1, 2013 by drbrooks

What does forgiving someone do for me? There are many benefits when we forgive someone that has hurt us. Once you let go of the anger and bitterness, healing starts to take place. You don’t dwell on the person or seek getting revenge. You free yourself of focusing on someone who has hurt you. Your emotional health will return and life will open up many missed opportunities of new friendships. There will be less stress and worries in your life. Once you let go and forgive the person who hurt you then, if you have been dealing with depression, you will start to see life differently and embrace new experiences. Remember, forgiveness is an act on your part. It’s making a change from being a victim to gaining your freedom and moving on. I know some people who are known for the way they handled their separation and divorce who let their actions define who they were within their circle of friends and co-workers. Is that what you want? People will avoid you at all costs.  Make a choice to forgive and move on.

Forgiveness helps heal old wounds. Just do it and move on!

So you know you should forgive the person who hurt you, but what if you can’t or don’t want to? That, my friend, is your decision. In that case, and it’s only my opinion, that person still controls you emotionally and holds the cards on how you feel about certain people. Is that what you want? I doubt it. So the benefit of letting go means you regain control of your life and move on.

I know that it’s hard to let go especially when justice has not been served. Case in point, I have a close friend whose sister and brother in-law were sitting at a stop light on their motorcycle waiting for the light to change. They were rear ended by a driver of a pickup truck who didn’t see them. His sister died on the operating table from massive trauma and his brother in-law was in ICU for weeks and is now learning how to walk again.  Needless to say my friend was demanding answers from the local officials and sheriff’s office. He wasn’t getting answers and was extremely bitter about the accident and her death.  For weeks, I listened to him share his anger each time we talked. I saw the un-forgiveness taking place in his heart. I decided it was about time I shared with him my experience of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness and how I dealt with it.

“Forgiveness is really just another word for freedom.”
Julie Lessman

“Sometimes a person needs to hear you forgive them so they can start to forgive themselves.”
Rachel Gibson

Are you harboring unforgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Do you want to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions give me a call at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Art Of Forgiveness Part 1

Posted on June 20, 2013 by drbrooks

When is the last time you heard someone say “I will never forgive my ex-wife.  She can rot in Hades for all I care.” Or, “If Joe wants me to forgive him he better crawl on his hands and knees begging for it.” How many of us have unforgiveness in our hearts? We just can’t let it go of the pain someone caused us years ago. It’s all too painful to dwell on the past so we try to forget and move on with our lives but we can’t.

The art of forgiveness takes on many forms

We avoid thinking about the incident and refuse to get help with counseling or coaching and live day to day with unforgiveness in our hearts. We’ve all had someone in our past hurt us in one way or another. Perhaps your parents were critical of you growing up or a teacher wasn’t fair about your grades in high school. These painful memories still can haunt you and leave you with anger, rage, or even bitterness. The purpose of forgiveness is to release the inner struggles that you are having with a specific person. You have to decide if you’re willing to let go of any and all resentment that is holding you back emotionally. Part of forgiving is not seeking revenge against the person who has wronged you. You have to let it go and move forward with your life. Can you do that?  Yes you can!

Definition of forgiveness: Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.[1][2] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’.

I have heard men and women who have gone through a hard break up or divorce who hate their ex’s. The offended person seems to hold on to a grudge and can’t let it go. Many of these break-ups have one of the parties wanting to get even and seek revenge. I think there are better ways to deal with anger than hold on to the past and look for ways to get even. When you forgive someone that doesn’t mean you forget what they have done to you or their responsibility for their actions. It simply means you are acknowledging the hurt but you are moving on with your life.

I know some people who thrive on being angry and bitter and they are difficult to be around and actually seem to love carrying a grudge.  What happens when you bring unforgiveness into a new relationship? Usually the new relationship is destined to fail. The right person may come along and you miss out on meeting that person or having a new and great relationship because you’re holding a grudge.

“But understand that the reason it is so difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have failed us is because we are unable to receive forgiveness for our own failures.”
? Emily P. Freeman

“Forgiveness is beautiful and it feels good when someone gives that gift to you. But it’s one thing for someone you wronged to forgive you. It was another to forgive yourself.”
? Kristen Ashley

Are you harboring unforgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Do you want to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions give me a call at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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