The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(4) By Dr. Michael Brooks
• Carefully choose the words you will say. If in the heat of battle and its seems like you’re going nowhere with your discussion. Don’t say settle down and relax.” When trying to clam a narcissist down and they are red eyed and veins popping out on their forehead and neck by you saying “relax and take it easy” have created world war III. I suggest that you instead of saying “settle down and relax” just say that you don’t want to argue with them, that maybe another time after both of you have cooled down that you could try it again. That you want to avoid the stress and then walk away and be done with arguing.
• Avoid using the word “You” it sounds like a personal attack and will only get the narcissist dander up. Use the word “I” it makes it more personal and some narcissists will be less defensive. Try using the word “I” and see what happens.
• Don’t make empty threats, they usually backfire and you can be called out on them. That will create another level of mistrust in a narcissists arsenal of weapons against you. If you saying you’re going to do something, do it. An example would be “ if you’re going to continue to attack me in public, then I will not be seen in public with you.” Follow through and don’t back down and get talked into being embarrassed in public again. Be consistent in what you say. This will help you establish your boundaries with a narcissist.
Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555
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