The Seven Sins of Marital Discourse (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
By most standards, a marriage that has poor communication will eventually die on the vine. I believe that communication is the number one marriage killer. Without it, your marriage will never grow.
Number two on my list of Seven Sins of Marital Discourse is lack of communication. The key to a successful marriage is the ability to communicate with each other. Yes, Sometimes it can be very difficult to talk to each other. I think the lack of communication can be very damaging in a marriage. I see it more often than not, yet it still is a big problem in today’s relationships. Instead of talking with each other, younger couples feel that texting is the new norm in communicating with each other. Learn the value of face to face communication. It’s wonderful and helps in seeing how your spouse reacts to what you say. In a text, you’re not sure what the text communicates, some people will take what you said the wrong way, and they get upset. I have had numerous couples share this in our counseling sessions. Keep texting with your spouse to a minimum, and focus on actually talking face to face. Communication comes in many forms, and if you know how to read people as you talk, you will be a much better communicator. For example, if your spouse is having a difficult time in expressing their feelings with you and you know how to read that they are frustrated in sharing, a good communicator will be able to read into what they are saying and ask questions to clear up any confusion. Remember that men and women communicate on different levels, women, for the most part, are very detailed and can express their needs, wants and desires very well. Whereas men, on the other hand, use fewer words and that their spouses (tongue in cheek) and figure that their spouse’s can read their minds and know what a man’s needs are. Again, ladies, this is the way some men think. I have had several of these kinds of guys in my office. They don’t communicate very well, and some even admit it without the prompting of their wives during a coaching or counseling session.
I’m sure you have seen in some TV shows, and the example I use is the “I Love Lucy” show. Lucy walks into the kitchen and Ricky is at the breakfast table reading the paper. Lucy asks Ricky a question and for each question he asks, he always responds without taking his eyes off the paper says “yes, dear.” It drove her nuts; she knew he wasn’t listening. In today’s modern world that very scenario can be played out when spouses are glued to their cell phones. You can see it in any restaurant; no one is talking to each other. Couples that are going out to dinner rarely talk with each another, there staring at their cell phones all the time. This is a big problem with younger couples, just observe people eating a restaurant, it will amaze you what you see.
Are you a good listener, do you pay attention to what your spouse is saying or what’s on their mind, well, next week I will share my thoughts on that and how to improve your communication skills.
Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!