Worst Christmas Ever (1) By Candaise Young

Posted on April 21, 2017 by drbrooks

Worst Christmas Ever (1)

By Candaise Young – Certified Life Coach

Our worst Christmas ever really started during Thanksgiving while my husband and I had been separated for several months. Let me start out by saying that Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite times of the year. My childhood memories are filled with wonderful Christmas past, the lights, the bright colors, the smell of cookies and Christmas trees. Also my large family being together our laughter the food and days of joy. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to bring excitement to everything I do preparing the best holiday experience for everyone.

Why It Started

Five days, or so, before Thanksgiving I caught the flu. This was the real deal, throwing up, fever and other kinds of fun times I don’t care to mention. I can’t remember the last time I was so sick. Talk about bad timing. I still had to buy all the groceries, cook our food and clean the house. The twins, who were nine years old at the time, worked hard helping me clean the entire house, while I ran back and forth to the bathroom. By the time Thanksgiving came around, we had a clean house, and everything pretty much cooked, except for our turkey, which I had to start Thanksgiving morning.

Make a point to keep the children’s holidays joyful and stress free from an angry spouse.

Early Thursday morning I forced my sick, feverish body out of bed to get the turkey dressed, and loaded into the oven. I was grateful when my husband showed up later that day because it meant I could take a few minutes to rest in bed. Yeah right! When I made my way back into the kitchen to finish the final touches and get dinner ready, I was confronted by my upset husband. He told me that he had re-cleaned the house while I was resting. Which, I guess is why he was so angry with me. I thanked him, even though the twins and I spent the entire week deep cleaning everything. Go figure!

The Moment It Turned Bad

The event that wrecked our Thanksgiving and potentially destroyed Christmas came after dinner. My husband was playing a game of “Risk” with my little nine-year son. I was sitting in our living room a few feet away, listening to my husband’s voice getting louder and angrier towards our nine-year-old boy. I knew better than to say anything, especially since for some inexplicable reason he was already angry with me. Then out of the blue, he screamed at the top of his lungs, slamming his hands down while yelling at my son. I jumped up, and carefully put my hands on my little guy’s shoulders and said calmly, “I think it is time for you two to separate.” I lead my now crying and shaking little boy out of the room. As I was walking away, I turned towards my husband and mouthed the words, “Wow.” I felt that his reaction towards our little nine-year-old son was completely uncalled for, and way over the top.

Why Words Hurt Children

That is when my husband exploded. He jumped up and started throwing, kicking furniture while cussing and screaming at me. He started coming at me, and I was filled with so much fear I could hardly breathe. I moved my body between him and the twins while in my head I kept thinking, “Call 911, Call 911.” I told the twins to run to their rooms. It took a few seconds, which felt like minutes, to find the courage to tell him to leave. My body was shaking all over; I was terrified he was going to hurt me. On his way out he screamed at me and called me the most horrible names imaginable.

The kids and I didn’t even have three minutes to gather our thoughts together before he busted into the house and yelled out to our twins, “ Your mom and I are getting divorced, and I am not going to have Christmas at this house ever again.” He destroyed our Thanksgiving and their upcoming Christmas while crushing the twin’s spirit with his angry words. I was left with two small children collapsed on the living room floor sobbing in my arms after hearing what their dad had said. To this day my son still thinks the reason for our divorce was all his fault.

This week we talked about the issues with a spouse that has anger issues and takes them out on the wife and children. Next week we will be covering the tools needed to take control of your life and children’s life.

Do you need help dealing with your angry spouse? Does your spouse explode for no reason at all, and you need help in figuring out your next steps? Do you need help in making the right decision for you and your children? Are you worried for yours and your children’s safety? Have you found yourself too frightened to ask for help? Do you spend your days worried that your spouse may explode at any moment? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call 303-880-9878 for more information.

Candaise Young is a certified Life Coach who can help you deal with any family issues with your children. She is a compassionate, good listener, who gets great results for you and your family. If you have any questions for Candaise, you can call Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services at 303-456-0555.

Posted in angry spouses, relationships | Tagged anger, applicable counseling and coaching services, candaise young life coach, children, christmas, hope, joy, spouse, thanksgiving | Leave a comment

Are You Allowing Your Past To Poison Your Future (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on April 17, 2017 by drbrooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We will continue our story this week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”!

I had a client of mine who was a miserable person to be around. He just wouldn’t let go of all the hurts people caused him throughout his life. It seemed like a game to him; he toyed with people emotionally. If they hurt him in the past, he would hold a grudge and bait people by acting nice to them. After they would feel a friendship was developing he would set them up with compliments, take them to lunch, etc. Then out of the blue, he would say very hurtful things and just dump the person, leaving that individual wondering “What just happened?” He was never really happy as he was stuck with the poison of his past and seemed to enjoy being mean spirited towards others. His past certainly poisoned his future with family and friends. Being bitter and angry never works for developing healthy or restoring relationships.

Make sure that you’re not poisoning your future by holding on to your past.

Say No to bad relationships, say No to unhealthy situations in your past, say No to those who have hurt you, say No to people that are holding you back! Say Yes to taking control of your future, say Yes to restoring relationships, say Yes to a happier life controlled by you! Oh, Dr. Mike, you make this sound so simple. You don’t know the struggles I have with my past. My friends, we all face struggles each and every one of us. I know we all have our own share of problems, but do our past issues consume us to the point we can’t move forward on with our lives? Do we hold on so tightly to our past failures that we don’t want the world to see that we have failed at something and the embarrassment will hurt our reputation? So if we allow the poison of our past to influence us for the rest of our lives, what will we accomplish by doing that? I think that’s a good question to ponder. Many people don’t know how to let go and move on. They drag a whole lot of troubles with them not knowing what to do to free themselves of their past.They will go to counselors and share their burdens they carry, and that’s as far as they get. They go home and beat themselves up. Why? They can’t let go of their past failures, they don’t listen to sound advice and dwell on what happened in the past.

If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship, you know what I am talking about. We all look-back and wonder what happened and why did we allow ourselves to be with such an unhealthy person? Do we stay there and beat ourselves up? For the most part of course not, we move forward and look for a better and healthy relationship to be in.

In closing always remember, don’t allow your past or the poison you live with cloud your future. It’s all up to you to be in control of your future and to make the best of things and enjoy life. You can do this, you really can. No excuses my friends.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did

Posted in relationships | Tagged applicable counseling and coaching services, bad relationships, dr mike relationship counselor and coach, hopeless, restoring relationships, unhealthy relationships | Leave a comment

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on April 10, 2017 by drbrooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We will continue our story this week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future.” Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future in today’s article.

Don’t allow your past to poison your future!

I think I can honestly say we all have had things in our past poison our future, not to this degree of course but in other small ways. I also believe that we have to let go of the things that hold us back from enjoying who we are and our future with others. I know this was an extreme example, but you can see how his actions impacted his entire family. He missed his daughter’s wedding, probably will never know his grandchildren or son-in-law. This is a pretty sad story.

If you have some major setbacks in your life, it’s best to deal with them now and not sit on them thinking they will go away. They will not and hoping they will and not dealing with them will only poison your future with the people you love and care about. Let me ask you a simple question. What is the point to hold on to your anger and bitterness? What and where will it get you? Proving your point only makes you lose out on so much of your life, family, and events. If you think coming out a winner by allowing the poison of your past to cloud your future is a good thing, I’ve got news for you. It isn’t; it’s just the simple truth, and this should convince you, it’s a lose, lose situation for you.

My suggestions for you to start the healing you need, so you will not allow your past to poison your future is simple, it really is;

Whatever you feel is a poison to you, sit down and write it on paper. Then look it over and decide if this person or event is worth missing out on family and life in general.
Come clean, if you have caused some problems for others, go to them and make things right. Apologize and seek to repair the broken relationship.
Do not allow the past to poison your future, tell yourself that it’s ok to move on and let go.
You control what you keep inside your brain, don’t allow the past to dictate your future.
Avoid negative thinking, keep busy with improving yourself, help others, read good books, do healthy things for yourself.
Avoid people, places and things that poisoned your past.
It’s ok to say NO to people who have influenced and introduced you to the poison of your past. Avoid, avoid, and avoid!

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future.

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged Divorce, dr mike relationship counselor and coach, hopeless, major setbacks | Leave a comment

7 Things I Found in Storage Unit 17 After My Divorce By Teddi Ann Barry Esq.

Posted on April 5, 2017 by drbrooks

7 Things I Found in Storage Unit 17 After My Divorce

By Teddi Ann Barry Esq.

Who knew in 2013, when my divorce was final – the week before I turned 40 – I would wait 3 plus years to deal with it all?

I left our home within 2 days of deciding to separate. I moved two kids under 3 to 3 different homes within 2 years, tried to reconcile 3 times and after a year of marriage counseling called it quits. We “finished” the divorce within the 92 days Colorado allows, but everything from the marriage, our home together, my children’s baby rooms, and my life as I knew it ended up in storage unit 17 of the closest public storage.

7 Things I found in storage unit 17 after my divorce

Going through storage unit 17 was like spring cleaning to a degree higher than I knew possible! As overwhelming as it was to go through 27 bins of my life collected over 20 years, there are at least 7 things I found that made it great.

1. I found perspective

The many things that I thought were so important 3 years ago are not. Those 10 pairs of baby shoes can make so many other little kids and moms happy. That beautiful baby bedroom set that I picked out as a soon to be mom – that’s SO cute – is so my yesterday – not today! Perspective changes as fast as life does. The time of separation – from him and your things- is really helpful.

2. I found love

You get married and truly believe he is the one – and he is supposed to be! If that doesn’t work out and you were mindful enough to keep the cards, letters, and pictures with all the great and learning relationships that lead to him, you will find love again. I am not saying “go chase the has-beens.” I am telling you that by looking at the photos, reading the cards and letters from high school, through college and law school, I found love from so many that I didn’t appreciate like I can today.

3. I found growth

From my 2003- 07 tax returns to my engagement cards, wedding planning folder, baby cards and a million pre-digital and pre-facebook pictures, I have grown. Financially, emotionally and socially – yes I’ve aged too! My non-existent babies then are now 6 and 7! My ideas of success then have changed drastically. On this side of the divorce, I have grown in confidence, grace, and gratitude in ways I could not imagine possible.

4. I found peace

I found all my pictures, letters and reasons why I fell in love with him. I found our wedding napkins, our marriage certificate, wedding video and our divorce decree. I found his boots, his blankets, and pictures upon pictures upon pictures of all of the amazing times we have together. First date, first trip a week later, post- Christmas trip to Australia to meet the parents, engagement in Paris, wedding in Beaver Creek, babies in Vail. It was all wonderful. Unloading, purging, and dealing made me realize the terrible end was not our beginning or our existence together. I can put to rest the anger and truly believe everything happens for a reason. I’m at peace.

5. I found strength

I won’t go into how much my legs, ass, and back hurt after lifting, moving, and going through 27 bins of life history, but it took a lot of physical strength. THEN I found all the cards my from grandma, who I lost 5 years ago– the engagement, the bridal shower and wedding cards, the sorry I missed the house warming, the happy baby cards – it was amazing. I saw papers from law school that was so challenging for me. I found pictures from the last 20 years of my life! I found pots and pans my mom bought for me. I realized through the love, the perspective, and growth that I’ve become so strong. Strong in ways that are needed in marriage with someone you can depend on to share life’s challenges. I am strong in ways that make going it alone ok.

6. I found that less is more

As I prepare to move into my new home and wanted to do so mindful of leaving the past behind and bringing the good that is into our new home, I found the power of giving and letting go. Whether it was documents for the shred it pile, stuff to put in the trash, or the great pile of wonderful things I can donate, I found the humility and grace of needing or wanting so much less than when I put it away 3 years ago – trying so hard to hold on to everything as I lost my marriage.

7. I found closure

This one makes me cry. Between getting rid of the baby stuff, to separating the last 2 bins of his stuff from mine, to reading the cards from my grandma who wished us well that will now be so different than expected, I can close these chapters of my life and move forward. Knowing from all of this, I am never alone and always treasure the many things stored in unit 17.

I told a friend just yesterday that it’s the year of the 7. I’ve always found 7 to be lucky, and wish mindful presence and peace in ’17. Please share what you’ve found with us.

Teddi Ann Barry Esq.

For over 15 years Teddi Ann Barry has been practicing family law in Colorado including mediation and collaborative law. She is experienced, professional, compassionate and always striving to exceed our client’s needs and expectations.

Contact info for Teddi Ann Barry 720.722.0776

165 Cook Street, Suite 203, Denver, Colorado, 80206

E-mail: teddian@divorceincolorado.com

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged teddi ann | Leave a comment

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on April 5, 2017 by drbrooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Quick question, how many of us are still stuck in the past with the wrongs people have done to us? Let’s face it; we all know people in our lives who just won’t let go of things done to them or problems they have brought on by themselves. I think it’s extremely important that we look at why focusing on past failures, mistakes, unmet expectations can cloud our future.

I knew a man who just wouldn’t let go of his anger about the way his three daughters turned out. He had their education planned out, where they would go to college, how high their GPA’s should be. He controlled every aspect of their lives. He was very controlling about the people they dated. His wife had no say in his planning for the kid’s futures. He expected them to work in his engineering firm when they graduated from college. As we know, kids do their things, choose their own friends and the people they date. They also have a good idea on what they want to do for work and what school they want to attend.

As his daughters went through high school the battles began, fights occurred over several issues about their education, who they dated and their lifestyles. The dad felt he was losing control over his kids. Let’s just say the kids won out. He was insisting that they pay for their own education and living expenses. He checked out of their lives and became a recluse in his own home. When the girls came home on weekends, he had nothing to do with them. He avoided seeing them or speaking with them. He was always busy when the kids wanted to talk with him, and his wife confronted him about his behavior. This lead to big arguments with his wife and eventually a divorce that he didn’t want. But his pride got in the way, and he still wouldn’t budge.

When his oldest daughter got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the isle, and he refused to attend her wedding. How bullheaded was this action towards his daughter? Most of us would agree that he took this to an extreme and lost out his daughter’s wedding. I look at it this way; he allowed his past to poison his future with his girls, wife, and God knows who else.

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future.

Posted in I want to save my marriage, Life in general, relationships | Tagged applicable counseling and coaching services, Divorce, Dr. Mike divorce coach and counselor, failures, God, lifestyles, mistakes, poison, problems, wife, wrongs | Leave a comment

I’m No Quitter, By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on March 20, 2017 by drbrooks

I’m no Quitter, By Dr. Michael Brooks

I’ve run into a lot of people who just don’t have the stomach to keep trying working on their relationship. It’s status quo, and that’s fine by them. They cause needless suffering because of the self-pity they put themselves through about their relationship. Several years ago, I worked with a couple who just didn’t get along. They constantly blamed each other for the problems they were experiencing. Neither one could admit to any problems they caused it was always the other person’s fault. He said, she said..oh, it was hard for this couple to understand that they had poor communication skills.

Unhappy about your relationship?

Then I asked a simple question, “which one of you wants to quit on your marriage?” The look on their faces was priceless. The husband said, “What are you talking about, we came here for you to help us, not ask us to quit on our marriage,” I responded by saying, I simply asked both of you a question that would help clarify where they were at in your marriage. The man started by saying, “I love my wife, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.” She looked at him shocked, to be hearing those words coming from her husband. She stood up and walked over to him and looked at him, then at me. I’ve been waiting to hear those very words for over 15 years, why now?

She started to cry, and he walked over to her and held her. “Dr. Mike, we want a healthy marriage, we fight all the time, but I know we both want this marriage to work and are willing to do whatever it takes. Please help us.” His wife looked up at me and nodded in agreement. So let me get this straight, you both are not quitters and want to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work? Both nodded yes.

My friends this is the first step in saving any marriage from the ravages of divorce. Admit that you have problems and are willing to take the steps needed necessary in saving your relationship. I see quitters all the time, and these people are the ones who will make excuses and refuse to change. Here are some of the excuses that I hear from those who I consider are quitters.

I can’t change, this is the way I’ve been all my life
She married me this way; she knew what he/she was getting
I have too much going on in my life; it’s not that easy
Why now, has she been watching Dr. Phil and saw it on TV
Leave well enough alone; we don’t need to do this
Listen, it’s been just fine, and I’m OK with the things the way they are
If you bring this up one more time, I’m done with the marriage; it’s over

If you really want to salvage your marriage or any relationship for that matter, identify the issues and sit down and talk about them. This isn’t rocket science; it’s a “Matter of the Heart.” Talk about the entire relationship, not just the bad things, but talk about the good things in your relationship. Mix it up, after a heavy dose of reality talk about the good things, the fun things you do for each other and enjoy each others company. Believe me that goes a long way in a hurting relationship. Encourage and lift each other up. That’s my tip for this week.

Do you feel like quitting on your marriage? Are you tired of being the only one trying to save your relationship and need to know what your next steps should be? Do you need help in working on your relationship, so you don’t quit? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged applicable counseling and coaching services, dr mike relationship counselor and coach, poor communication skills, quit on my marriage, quit on our marriage, we want a healthy marriage | Leave a comment

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on March 14, 2017 by drbrooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So, what is the cure for unmet expectations or wandering eyes? What should the husband do to keep his wife happy at home? Is there a common sense fix here to help restore a damaged relationship due to an affair. Absolutely.

If a woman is considering having an affair, she should evaluate the consequences of having an affair. What will it do to her children? What will it do to her family? What will it do to her husband? What will it do for her moral compass? One study had shared some interesting facts about affairs, did you know that 50 to 60 percent of women admit that they have had an affair. Men are at 70 percent about admitting to having an affair. About 17 percent of divorces are due to affairs; I think that’s rather low considering the pain inflicted due to an affair.

Women cheat because of unmet expectations in their relationship

Some additional numbers for you to mull over are; In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair.

There are all kinds of questions that she should be asking herself. I worked with a client who knew his wife was cheating on him. He had the evidence on email and texts. Initially, he was crushed and then decided to confront her. When he did confront her, she gave him an earful. She shared her reasons for cheating on him, and it matches with most of the FaceBook responses above. These were her reasons.

Not attentive to her needs.
Only paid attention to her when he wanted
Stayed at work too long, never called when he was going to be late in getting home.
Didn’t help with kids, school projects, getting ready for bed, spending time with kids.
Didn’t show appreciation for the things she did for him.
Didn’t make her a priority in the relationship.
Put his friends above her needs

She was pretty blunt in letting her feelings be known. She didn’t want to have the affair, what she wanted was her husband to take notice that she had needs as well. The affair was, as she stated, was to get her husband’s attention! It certainly did, and she moved on with her life. She said that he would never change. She was right; he accused her of cheating on him, but took no responsibility for his actions and his neglecting her needs.

I think we have seen a pattern in why women cheat, does it make it right, no not at all. I would suggest that women who feel that their spouses are not listening to them need to let them know in no uncertain terms that their needs are not being met in the emotional, and physical areas of the relationship. Be very detailed and have a plan as you share what your needs are. Sometimes, we men are not the greatest listeners and need to be reminded at times.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged affairs, applicable counseling and coaching services, Cheating, Divorce, dr mike relationship counselor and coach, facebook, honest communication, no appreciation, relationships, restore damaged relationships | Leave a comment

Why Do Woman Cheat on Men? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on March 6, 2017 by drbrooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Do you see the common link here with the Facebook responses from last week’s article? Neglect and unmet expectations were high on the list of reasons women cheated? Relationships live and die on the vine if there are misunderstandings and unmet expectations in the relationship. I didn’t share all the responses, but many were not out of the norm. Men, you better take note on why women cheat.

“I think that perhaps they are trying to fill a void that their husbands have neglected…. not just talking about sex, a much deeper emotional need…..people get complacent in relationships and don’t continue to nurture each other as they did before……”
“Being taken for granted. Lack of appreciation and significance. This is what I’ve heard most frequently.”

neglect, unmet expectations, misunderstandings, relationships, fill a void, wandering eyes, cheated on your spouse, infidelityYou don’t have to be married to have someone cheat on you. It can be your boyfriend, girlfriend as well. I know it causes broken hearts that may last a lifetime. It takes a toll on your emotional, and physical health and even spiritual health for some. Cheating isn’t a new concept or an idea over the past 500 years. This has been a problem since ancient of days.

There is always hope if you’re willing to fight for your marriage even with a spouse that cheated!

Looking back at the man who called me and after several minutes of speaking with this man, I think he said it best when he made a bold statement. “I am probably the reason she had wandering eyes. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.” I think he was spot on with this statement. We want to be a good provider for our spouse; (men and women) it’s in our DNA for the most part. Yes, we have some bad apples that make marriage hard and difficult at times.

Posted in Divorce Coach, I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged applicable counseling and coaching services, Cheating, dr mike relationship counselor and coach | Leave a comment

Why Do Women Cheat on Men (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on February 27, 2017 by drbrooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I posted this question on Facebook “why do women cheat on men?” The responses I received were amazing. Both men and women gave their opinions. It’s a universal problem we all deal with. We all know of someone who has cheated on their spouse for one reason or another.

So here is my post question on Facebook, asking the very question for the title for this story, “Why Do Women Cheat on Men?” The answers that I received from both men and women were pretty much in line with each other. Of course, these were just opinions, and some shared personal experiences while others just shared their thoughts as to why women cheat.

Cheating on your spouse is on the rise.

Here are a few of the responses to my question when I asked: “why do women cheat on men?” Read carefully what the responses were. Men again, listen up to what people are saying!

“Unmet needs. When needs are not being met people venture outside of the marital bond to address their needs. Most affairs are not intentional. They usually surprise the “offender” just as much as their spouse. Once it starts, it’s hard to let go of that pleasure which then gives rise to secrecy and lies (most marriages fail due to loss of trust not the affair itself).”
“Same reason men cheat on women. Lack of attention. The belief that they have the right. No self-respect. Failure to commit. They enjoy the adrenaline rush of knowing they are doing something wrong and trying not to get caught. I could go all day on this.”
“It’s really, in this time, both genders have equal responsibilities and are ..which means both need validation, excitement, variety, I could go on forever. The roles have changed from 5 or more decades ago. I’m a firm believer with future generations; marriage will be a thing of the past…they will, in turn, be more like agreements or contracts. Men and women both cheat. I know I will get in trouble for saying this, but I have never met a man who did not at some time in his life. Although women sometimes struggle with it, they do too.”
“Woman are emotional beings. They need to feel that the person they are with love them, support them, respect them as an equal partner. Many men get so involved In their careers, feeling that being the bread winner is what makes them a good partner and forget that the family needs them to be involved in the family life and work on being a father and husband. Many men also have been raised that if you show emotions and affection that it makes them look weak or less of a man. Woman need to know every day by just a small show of affection that they are appreciated and loved. This does not give them an excuse to cheat, but it does cause a deterioration of the relationship.”

So, you might ask yourself this question; what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged applicable counseling and coaching services, Cheating, communication, Divorce, dr mike relationship counselor and coach, forgiveness, Marriage, unmet needs, why do women cheat on men | Leave a comment

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on February 21, 2017 by drbrooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I received a call a while back from a man obviously in a great deal of emotional pain, between his crying and trying to talk; I barely heard his question asking me “why do women cheat on men?” He was crushed to find out that his wife cheated on him and decided to file for a divorce. I talked with him and listened as he shared his thoughts as to why his wife cheated on him. He had many ideas all which made sense as we spoke. When we hung up, I sat there staring at the wall clock pondering his question “Why Do Women Cheat on Men? I deal with both men and women who cheat on their partners all the time in my practice.

Women cheating on men is on the rise in the United States.

Then my mind took me back to a time when I recalled as an 18-year-old working for an apartment complex in a suburb of Chicago. I was a naive kid when it came to relationships. I took my work order to fix a leaky kitchen sink assigned to me. As I approached the apartment, I could hear a man sobbing on the other side of the door. I questioned if I should knock on the door or just leave and go to the next repair job. Well, my curiosity got the best of me, and I knocked on his door. He stopped crying and answered the door. I told him I was there to repair his leaky kitchen sink. As I walked in, I could see his eyes were swollen from crying, and his face was beet red.

I walked into the hallway area, and he followed me as I walked into the kitchen. He started to explain why his eyes were red and swollen; I listened as I worked and he shared that his wife cheated on him and wanted a divorce. I didn’t know what to say being an 18-year-old kid. I told him I was sorry that he was going through a divorce and wished him well. That thought of his divorce has never gone away from my mind; it’s something I know happens to both men and women. Unfortunately, affairs are a part of life.

The big question for you as a reader, what are your thoughts on women having affairs on their husbands, or women having affairs in a committed relationship? I have known women friends in college who cheated on their boyfriends and it was painful when the guys found out. I’d say it’s at an epidemic level these days.

Posted in I want to save my marriage, relationships | Tagged applicable counseling and coaching services, cheat on partners, cheated on your spouse, committed relationship, dr mike relationship counselor and divorce counselor, forgiveness, having affairs, preventing future affairs, why do women cheat on men, women having affairs | Leave a comment