Refuse To Be A Victim

Posted on March 13, 2013 by drbrooks

Refuse to be a victim and watch out for yourself

Growing up in an alcoholic home was challenging to say the least.  The verbal and physical abuse that my sister and I endured will be forever be etched in my mind. This is a story of how two siblings learned how to embrace their roles in life. One for the better and the other well…let’s just say they lived with a cloud over their head!

I was always fighting against my parents and their drinking as far back as I can remember. My mother would often be drunk when I came home from school and I never knew what to expect. On the rare occasions, when she was sober, I would walk into the front door she would have the “June Cleaver” sweetness that I longed for. I could smell dinner in the oven and could carry on a decent conversation with her. These were indeed rare days for my sister and I.

I can also remember when my mother was drunk.  I was often punished for things I didn’t do. She would send me to my room for hours at a time. I would keep to myself and read any books I could get my hands on. I planned for these times so I went to the used book store and bought all kinds of books. I read medical, history, and science books.  Time spent reading helped me through the difficult days when I was unjustly punished.

My sister, on the other hand, would destroy her room when she was sent there for punishment. She would play her music extremely loud and, as she grew older, would steal my parent’s liquor and get drunk in her room. When my dad came home from work he would see the damage she had done and would force corporal punishment on her.

How did reading books help me through those very dark days?  It gave me the freedom to see the world through a different set of eyes. Even at the age of 12 I knew I didn’t want to be like my parents. I refused to be a victim and knew that I wanted to make something of my life. The hours, days and weeks of reading encyclopedias, dictionaries and science books were a relief for me even though there was ugliness going on outside my bedroom door.  As I grew up, I learned to enjoy playing football with my neighborhood friends after school.  I realized this was just one more way to avoid spending too much time at home.  One day at school, my freshman physical education teacher introduced all of the boys to weight lifting. That really sparked an interest in me!  I had found another positive activity that reduced the amount of time I spent at home.

It saddens me to this day to know that my sister became an alcoholic at the tender age of 14. She went to parties during the week, skipped school, began smoking, and rarely was at home. Our lives went different directions.  Her life mirrored my parents and I was making life happen my way.

My circumstances could have overwhelmed me but instead I chose to use them to help me overcome my home environment. I knew I wasn’t going to allow alcohol to control me. I wanted nothing to do with it. I saw what it was doing to my family and I didn’t like it. I have had many people ask me over the years, how I avoided the temptation of drinking.  I can honestly say the many nights of watching my mother get drunk burned a desire in my heart to live a different kind of life.  More importantly, I know God’s hand of protection was over me.  I wanted to create my own path to freedom. That’s when I made the decision to immerse myself into reading, sports and school.  It was my only hope of keeping my sanity.

I hear so many stories of people who feel trapped by their circumstances and they don’t know how to get out.  They eventually accept their destination in life and live the lie!  My friends, you don’t have to live as a victim.  You can live a life victoriously.  Are you willing to make changes that can get you out of the role as a victim? I saw where my life was headed and I didn’t want to go there, even as a 12 year old boy. It was up to me to take that first step.  I had no idea how to do it, but I knew I didn’t want to live a life or be like my parents. I had to fight my own way out of the box.

The key for me was looking to the future and asking these questions:

  • What did I want to do with my life?
  • How was I going to get there?
  • What kind of situations (drinking, smoking, parties) did I want to avoid?
  • What kind of people did I want to be around?

I watched my sister’s life go downhill after the age of 14. She hung with the bad crowd, drank to excess and refused parental supervision.  She stole from my parents and from me, rarely attended school, and was gone for days at a time. I couldn’t help her.  I was too young and I was trying to figure out what I had to do to survive myself. It’s never too late to stop being a victim.

Many of us feel like victims due to the following

  • Difficult marriages and relationships
  • Circumstances out of our control
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Lack of money and poor investments
  • Health, disease and weight issues
  • Work
  • Stress and bad behavior

These are just a few that I see when I counsel and coach people. It’s amazing to me how many people accept being a victim and don’t realize they don’t have to be a victim any longer

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What Is My Purpose In Life? 2

Posted on March 5, 2013 by drbrooks

What is My Purpose in Life?

In Part two of “What is My Purpose in Life?” we will continue to help you find meaning in life. Most of us struggle with this question at some point in our lives. If you’re looking for answers then continue reading.  You’ll see what is in store for your future. Giving of your time will help you discover what your purpose in life really is.

Finding purpose in life comes in many forms.

An expectant mother will often wonder what her purpose in life is while carrying her baby. A new father will wonder, in today’s trying times, “What is my purpose in life as a parent?”  We all want to be good parents. In fact, most of us want to be great parents. Is it not true that we want to be loving, kind and supportive parents?  Of course we do! We want to provide for our families by providing food, shelter, and resources for our children’s education. It’s a fact that some parents have no idea what it really takes to be a good parent, but overall, most new parents feel a new sense of personal responsibility in providing love and protection for their child.

Most of us have learned how to turn bad situations into meaningful opportunities. For example, you may get a call from a friend or family member who is ill and is in need of your help.  Your purpose is to help and support that person with their physical needs. It might mean taking them to the doctor’s office or maybe doing some grocery shopping for them. Helping others helps fulfill your calling and adds meaning to your life. Many will spend their life wondering what difference they can make in their own life and the lives of others. By helping others, you can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and the people you help.

If you’re looking for a way to find meaning to your life and need some ideas, start with looking for someone who needs you, someone who counts on you to help them with physical needs, or just needs a friendly phone call to check up on them. This, my friends, will help you define what your purpose in life is. Giving to others will make you feel like you are contributing to your self-worth and the worth of others.

Are you ready to find meaning by helping others? Are you trying to figure out what your purpose in life is and need help in doing so? Do you feel out-of-sorts because you need direction in your life? Do you want to fulfill a dream and need help in doing so? Are you afraid to make plans because you often change your mind and are not sure of your next step? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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What Is My Purpose In Life?

Posted on February 26, 2013 by drbrooks

Are you struggling today trying to figure out what your purpose in life is? Unfortunately, many people are thinking about this very thing while they are getting up in the morning or on their way to work. High School and college students are wondering about that very question while sitting in class. The aged parents who wait to hear from one of their children or grandchildren to call, think about this. The woman waiting for the judge to call her name for her divorce from her husband will ponder this as she sits in the courtroom. That is the million dollar question many will ask themselves today. Do you know what your purpose in life is?

Finding what your purpose in life is only a step away!

We are not given any guarantees of how long we will live, or how long we will be married, or how long our health or money will last. Many think about years they wasted. They may wonder if life has passed them by and why were put here and for what purpose. The big question many will ask, “Why are we here?”

I remember asking that question of a friend of mine while walking to one of our college classes. “What the heck are you here for?”  I asked him.  He said he didn’t know but he knew he needed to be in class. It was during that time that I remember hearing some classmates debating the question in the library. “What is our purpose in life?” Several were going to be teachers and surmised that being a teacher was their calling, while others had no clue what they wanted to do with their lives and were only there because their parents told them they had to go to college. Isn’t college a place where you’re supposed to figure this stuff out?

I am one of the fortunate ones who knew early in life what my purpose in life was. I was the kid who always wanted to encourage and help someone who was hurting. I shared a story with you a while back while living on the South Side of Chicago that bears repeating. While in 5th grade, I had a classmate, Kevin, who was paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair.  He was disfigured and had only a few years to live. He was a large kid even as a 5th grader. Not many of the kids in our school talked with him because of the way he looked. I wanted to be his friend and had some great talks with him during recess. He shared with me one day that he always wanted to ride a bike. It was a dream for him.

Then one day I got an idea that I would help him to ride my bike.  I would balance him on the bike while I held onto the handle bars and back seat. It was a Saturday morning when I rode my bike over to his house. I knocked on the door expecting his mother to answer so I could let her know of my foolish idea. To my surprise, Kevin answered the door. He told me his mom was at the grocery store and wouldn’t be back for a while. I told him of my idea and of course, he was all for it. He put his coat on and we proceeded to roll him out the front door to the front stoop. I was trying to figure out how I would get him to sit on the bike without it falling over. After all I didn’t want either one of us getting hurt.  Being the creative kids that we were, we finally figured out a way to get my friend on my bike. It wasn’t easy and it took great effort on both of our parts to make it happen. I hung on for dear life as he managed to steer my bike all the while I tried holding him up and pushing the bike at the same time.

The joy and happiness he expressed was heartwarming. He shouted and laughed, waving to his neighbors saying, “Look at me, I’m riding a bike!” He never fell off the bike and with all my strength I made sure he had the ride of his life. I’m not sure how long he and I walked up and down the side streets where he lived, but I knew I was helping someone fulfill their dream. Not long after that his mother drove into the driveway and rushed out of her car screaming at me for having her disabled son on my bike. I pushed the bike by the door stoop and she helped him into his wheel chair. She yelled at me and told me to go home.  I felt pretty bad and walked my bike home, wondering what I had done wrong. It was a cool fall day with clouds and a fine mist starting to fall but it fit my mood of despair. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents what I had done and what Kevin’s mother had said to me. That was the last time I ever saw Kevin. His mother pulled him out of Algonquin Grade School and the last I had heard, he had passed away the following year. That’s when I realized as a 5th grader that I did have a purpose in life, and that was to help others who had dreams but needed my help in making them happen.

Since that day, I have helped thousands who have asked for my help in making their marriages work, dreams come alive, overcome hurts, create new lives, find themselves, repair relationships and end relationships.  I have been blessed by helping so many people.

Are you trying to figure out what your purpose in life is and need help in doing so? Do you feel out of sorts because you need direction in your life? Do you want to fulfill a dream and need help in doing so? Are you afraid to make

plans because you often change your mind and are not sure what the next step is? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call he can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com

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OK, My Realtionship Isn’t Working. Now What? (Part 2)

Posted on February 19, 2013 by drbrooks

 

Don’t Give Up On Your Relationship Just Yet, Talk To Dr Mike Before You Do!

We continue this week with how to save and rebuild a hurting or broken relationship. If this is something you want to do and need help in learning the process of fixing your relationship, then this week’s article will give you practical advice to make it happen.

Listening is probably one of the hardest things we do. We try to listen, but we start figuring out how to respond to what is being said. Couples fail miserably on this and have a hard time remembering what was being said. Take notes while you listen to your partner, and respond accordingly. Repeat often when you don’t understand what was said. Don’t pretend to understand when you don’t?

Trust.  Do you trust your spouse with your children, your life and your money? If you’re not sure, then that is a red flag.  Trust is crucial in making or breaking a relationship. If it’s just not there, then a lot of energy in repairing your relationship will be needed. I hear this more than I care to, but if trust is not in your relationship then you will not advance on to the next stage of fixing your problems. Most likely your relationship will end if there is no trust.

A caring attitude is another important ingredient in fixing your relationship. Caring people open themselves up to help and are willing to go the extra mile to let you know that they care for you. I watched my dad take care of my mother who had cancer.  He was in the army for 37 years and was a WWII, Korean, and Viet Nam vet. He was a tough military man but the care he gave my mother during her illness was amazing. He showed me by his actions what it meant to care for someone.

Forgiveness is very important in healing a broken or hurting relationship. We all make mistakes and hurt the ones we love. I have had countless couples pretend that they have forgiven one another and yet still carry a grudge. Your anger can show up at the worst times of your life and bitterness, like cancer, can destroy your relationship. You have to let go of the things that hurt you and move forward to heal a relationship. Yes, there are certain things people just can’t let go of. I understand that; however, don’t wear it like a red badge of honor! How many times have you been so angry you felt you could never forgive the person who offended you? In all honesty, we all have been there. In a healthy relationship we need to let go of the wrongs done to us. That’s where sitting down and talking about hurts can often prevent unforgiveness. Remember, forgiving someone is done for your benefit as well as the person you want to forgive. You’re letting go of a hurt that you should no longer carry. So a healthy relationship needs forgiveness as one of the foundations for growing and repairing your relationship.

Understanding one another’s emotions is also a part of the equation.  Sure, we all get stressed out when we don’t completely understand mood swings, or we have misunderstandings through poor communication. The key to resolving most problems is simply taking some time and to figure out what the misunderstanding is. We need to try to understand each other and talk through the problem. I watched a couple argue in a grocery store over a bag of potato chips a while back. He carried a bag of potato chips to the cart and dropped them in the cart. She picked them up looked at them and handed the chips back to him and said, “I want the vinegar salted chips.” He responded by telling her he hated vinegar chips. That’s when the arguing began.  She wanted her kind and he wanted his. This could have been easily settled by each having their own kind of chips. Understanding requires that you listen and communicate your needs. Give and take works well if you’re willing to compromise.

Physical attraction and chemistry is very important in a healthy relationship. I believe this part of a relationship happens in the very beginning. You may see someone who you’re attracted to by the way they laugh or smile. It might be the way they carry themselves with confidence when talking with you. It could be the color of their hair or their build. No matter what it is, it seems to get you to notice them. I have friends who are athletes who are attracted to people who work out by biking, hiking, or skiing. Don’t just go out with someone (I am talking to the older crowd here) because they have their own teeth or hair! Not a good idea! Just go with your gut feeling when you see someone that you may want to get to know.

I have learned these attributes over the years and found them to be very important. You may have some that you could add to this list. If you need advice on how to fix a hurting or broken relationship then call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. I hope these tips have helped you take the next step in repairing your relationship.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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OK, My Relationship Isn’t Working. Now What?

Posted on February 11, 2013 by drbrooks

As a college student, I worked the early shift at UPS unloading 40 foot trailers, as a part time employee. I had a supervisor who was constantly yelling at the pre-loaders (those who load the brown package cars that you see driving in your neighborhood) and the un-loaders in the big trailers. He didn’t get along with any of the morning workers and just wanted to make life miserable for everyone. He had many grievances filed against him on a weekly basis. He would often come into the trailer just looking for an argument. He would yell at me and my co-worker about the amount of packages that came down the rollers in the center of the trailer, and yet we were the best un-loaders in the state of Wisconsin.

It’s OK to ask for help, that’s what I’m here for!

After weeks of hearing most of the unloading and pre-loading crew complain about this man, I decided it was time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. I took note that he was new to our center and that the other supervisors avoided him. I started talking with him about baseball and football which he seemed to respond to. Each week he would talk to me and gradually started to open up and after a time, he yelled less at me and my co-worker. A few weeks later during a morning break, he sat down and he asked if we could talk. I said that would be great so we set up a meeting for the following Saturday morning. In just two hours, I learned a great deal about my new friend. He was having marital problems and had no one to talk to. His wife was keeping his children from him and his mother was ill and lived 200 away. I listened to him spill his heart, then I asked a few questions, which then he really opened up. We became good friends until he passed away a few years back. My point is, communication opens doors. It can heal relationships.  We must learn to be a good listener and know when to speak.  Very few of us know how to do that.  It’s learned through developing honest, sincere and open relationships and knowing how to listen.

One of the keys to success in maintaining a healthy relationship is communication. When I counsel people I tell them that they need to be open about trust, finances, needs and desires, and to be able to open up and talk about sensitive topics. I see many in my office who are embarrassed talking about sex, money, physical problems, and act as if nothing is wrong, yet they are dying inside and want to talk about some of these issues. If your relationship is in trouble, then ask for help. Usually a neutral person can help you get your relationship back on track.

How do you fix or repair your relationship that is unhealthy and isn’t working? If you plan to do it on your own, then you set up a game plan that’s going to address some of the problems you are having. If you’re not able to sit down face-to-face because you don’t know how to bring up problems in your relationship, then call me and I can help you sort through the problems and issues and get some answers and resolution to help repair your relationship.

A good working relationship has many aspects to it.

  • Love
  • Communication
  • Listening
  • Trust
  • Caring
  • Forgiveness
  • Understanding
  • Physically attraction

Love is very important for any relationship to grow. Without it you will go nowhere. Love is expressed in words and actions. How do you rate yourself when it comes to showing love outside of sexual intimacy?  Do you go the extra mile to make the person you love know it? How do you show it? How do you speak it?

Communication.  How are your communication skills? Can you talk about anything and everything? If you have certain needs, can you express those needs and not sound like you’re demanding them? Remember, talking to each other is key to having a healthy relationship. If you’re having problems communicating, I can help you learn those skills.

Next week we will be continuing with the series, “OK, my relationship isn’t working. Now what?”  I have learned these skills over the years and have found them to be very important.  You may have some that you could add to this list. If you need advice on how to fix a hurting or broken relationship then call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. I hope these tips have helped you in taking the next step in repairing your relationship.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Places Of Contentment

Posted on February 6, 2013 by drbrooks

I sat across the table from a friend of mine over lunch today. We were reminiscing about the good old days when we had no major concerns in high school, no bills, no car payments, and for the most part, life was good. Then we started talking about how busy our lives are today and where life taking us.

Finding Places Of Contentment Can Be Rewarding

As an adult we try to find ways to bring us happiness.  It might be through our children, grandchildren, money in the bank, our home or even our extended family. Let’s look at an entirely different way of being content. For example, while I was at the restaurant with my friend, we were watching a football game, and quite honestly, I really had no interest in the game, but rather spent my time watching other people laughing and enjoying themselves.  It made me smile. I was caught up in a rare moment of enjoying my surroundings. The food I had ordered tasted great and my ginger ale was cold and refreshing.  Looking outside I paused for a moment to take in the incredible views of the mountains and Colorado’s crystal clear blue skies.  To top it off, I could hear country artists, Brooks and Dunn, playing in the background. Yes, looking back, I remember that afternoon so well.

Do you observe those places of contentment? Do you remember them from years gone by? Do you seek a place of contentment? Places of contentment are a place to call your own.  My place of contentment is a 30 minute drive from my office. It’s a place I can rest my weary mind and tired body and a familiar place where the water dances with the rocks and the stream is as clear as I’ve ever seen. In the spring, the grass is green, the smell of wild roses fill the air and I can hear the birds singing near and far. I take a blanket and sit down by the stream and let nature console me. I need no entertainment from a radio, or a human voice. The sights, sounds, smells, and the gentle breeze calm me. Do you have a place like this where you can go for much needed rest?

If you don’t, you need to find your own. The only distraction that comes my way is trying to rest my busy mind. Eventually, I find myself allowing my mind to wander to beautiful places.
What can finding places of contentment do for you Gives you a much needed mental break.

Gives you something to look forward.
Gives you time to think.
Gives you time to be honest with yourself and plan out some of your goals.
Gives you time to leave the stress of life behind, even if it’s only for a few hours.
Clear your head.
I suggest places of contentment that are connected with nature including mountains, the beach, parks, etc.  Remember, this time is for you and you alone. So find a quiet place that only you know about.

A recent client of mine was sharing the details of his chaotic life. His wife was ill and he was overwhelmed with work and taking care of his children. He was in a tail spin. He couldn’t think straight, he was exhausted, and was too tired to deal with the children. Although he wanted to take care of his wife and didn’t know where to turn for help. I asked him if he ever took a few hours for himself on a weekly basis. He started laughing and said, “If I knew how to manage my time, I’d probably do that.” Well you can bet with that answer, we agreed he needed to make that happen, and he did. He told me that that was the best advice he had received.  Two hours of alone time was all he needed. He found his place of contentment sitting at a park by a stream with ducks and geese. Honestly folks, this can help you salvage a busy life and create some stress relief for you.

First allow yourself at least one hour of time alone.  Next, find a place to park and a place to sit down.  Be sure to bring a blanket or a lawn chair, then scout an area where you can enjoy nature and get that much needed rest.  This will be the place where you can close your eyes and just let go of all your emotions and feelings. You can do this, it isn’t hard, just make it happen.

Do you want to know how to find that place of contentment? Are you afraid to make time for yourself? What scares you about spending time alone? Are you at that point you need to start planning some time alone and don’t know how? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call for help in answering these questions.

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What Worries You?

Posted on January 29, 2013 by drbrooks

As I sit here in my office today waiting for surgery I am not anxious at all, at least not for now. I do not like needles or IV’s which I know are very necessary to help the doctors do their job, however; I am at peace and I know that my rotor cuff and bicepital tendon have to be repaired and I am in good hands.  I’m I worried not at all.

Worry Can Add Years To Your Life

I think where people have a tendency to worry is when things are out of their control, and if they can’t control the actions others, they worry even more. For example, in divorce court, some may worry about mischaracterizations their ex-spouse and attorney may say about them.  Many clients over the years who have gone through a divorce found themselves extremely worried about everything involved with their divorce and being in court. Most of their concerns were unfounded.

Another example is how we worry about our children and how they will turn out. I sure do as a father! I want my daughter to be a great asset to her faith and to the community she lives in. I want her to excel in her marriage and be a fantastic wife. Can I control any of this? No, not at all. I can only pray for the successes in her young life. I have laid out the foundation for her to follow and pray that she does!

So my question is, what worries you from day to day? Are your worries real or imagined? How can you deal with everyday worries so they don’t consume you?

For me that is a simple answer, I just don’t let unreasonable thoughts control me. I look at the encouraging counter thoughts. I believe that finding ways to counter my worries has helped me a great deal. When I start worrying about my daughter I counter my thought with the fact that she’s in God’s hands! That helps a great deal. If you think about it, what will my worrying do to help my daughter?  Not a thing! So, I will not panic and I will trust God and let him take care of business.

My tips for dealing with people that worry:

  • 90% of the things we worry about never happen.
  • Focus on resolution and not despair.
  • Have a plan that will help you through your worrying.
  • Plan to speak to those who make you worry and tell them why.
  • If you have a teen that’s learning to drive and taking the car for the first time, tell them to be cautious.
  • If you have a relationship that causes you to worry, go to that person and try to repair and make amends.
  • Figure out if the worries you have are real or imagined.

These tips work! Try them! Remember that worrying just causes you frustrations that you don’t need to live with. Do you worry out of control? Do you want to stop worrying and need help? Are you worried about your marriage and need help in deciding what to do? If you answered yes to any of these questions call Dr. Mike he can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Are You Lonely?

Posted on January 23, 2013 by drbrooks

Are you lonely?

I can remember talking with a client of mine as she shared heartache and pain. She needed time to vent and weep. She said that she was so lonely and just needed somebody anybody to listen to her. She was married but it was a lonely and loveless marriage. Her tears flowed as she spoke. Then, as she looked up at me she said, “I want to go home to be with the Lord. The loneliness is just too much for me.”

Keep Busy To Beat Being Lonely


As I looked into her eyes, I could feel her pain. I, too, have experienced that kind of loneliness. I remember all too well, the pain I endured after an ugly divorce that I didn’t want. I was so lonely and felt abandoned by the person I loved with all of my heart.  Many of us feel this kind of pain.  I believe loneliness is one of the top issues many of us face.  Unfortunately, we have no idea how to deal with the loneliness and often suffer alone. Loneliness can come in many forms. It can come from a broken marriage, a loveless marriage, the death of a loved one, or the ending of a friendship. There are many more I could list here!

Loneliness isn’t just an adult emotion. Children suffer from loneliness to. They miss their parents when they get divorced or separated. They can miss a sibling when they move out of the home. One who is prone to being lonely can carry this problem into adulthood. From my experience in dealing with and helping lonely people, one of the main issues with loneliness is the lack of healthy relationships. When you have healthy family and friend relationships you can usually get the tough times. When alone, people seem to dwell on being lonely.

Loneliness has other concerns that go along with it. Loneliness leads to desperation, desperation leads to hopelessness and very few can pull out of hopelessness. Many people have a tendency to think having a relationship with a television can help them with their loneliness. I have seen it time after time that people who are lonely do desperate things. They get involved in unhealthy relationships (one night stands) or they start drinking, etc.  If you find yourself heading in this direction, ask for help!

What advice can I give you for getting past your loneliness? First of all, take back your life!  Get control back that you have given away. Here are my tips!
•    If you don’t have friends, start making some. Join clubs and activities that pique your interest.  You’ll find likeminded individuals that will result in friendships!
•    Don’t dwell on the past!  Your future starts today!  Life in the present!
•    Building relationships begin at home with family members. Next, go after your sphere of influence that include people you know outside your immediate family.
•    If you have been recently divorced or separated it’s time to start looking ahead. Find new hobbies and do the things you have always wished you could.
•    Get involved in church or a civic group! You will meet new people that way.
•    New relationships start with you!  Make sure that you find people that are like minded.
These are just a few tips and they work!  I tried them and found a new world waiting for me. The hardest part was taking that first step.

Do you live in a world of loneliness and want help in getting out? Do you need a game plan for dealing with your loneliness? Are you tired of not being able to talk about your loneliness and figuring out what you need to do about it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, Dr. Mike can help you, give him a call today.

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Are You Ready For Your storms Of Life?

Posted on January 10, 2013 by drbrooks

“Can you believe this? I just lost my job! I got notice today and have no idea what to do!” I stood in disbelief as my friend shared the news. He was one of the top people in the country for his specific kind of job. I wondered why his company would let him go.

Watching Storms Of Life Role in Can Be Sacary

There are many situations where we get caught off guard with everyday occurrences. Many people face bad news about their jobs or may get bad news from the bank. Some even get bad news about their health. We all will face some storms in our lives. It’s just a matter of time before they hit us. Do you know how to deal with them? Will you know what to do when those days come? Sadly, most of us are unprepared.

Many of the storms we will face are seen off in the horizon. We see them coming, we hear the thunder and see the lightening far away. Even with all the warnings, some will do nothing but watch the storm come their way. Then when the storm hits, their life falls apart. They don’t plan or have an escape route.

Do you know how to plan for life’s storms that come your way? Have you planned your next steps? These questions are very important and can help you plan what you need to do. For example, if your doctor tells you that you need to exercise and lose weight for a longer and healthier life, then it’s important to put your plan into action by exercising and incorporating healthy eating habits. Another example is the warning that your marriage is in trouble.  If you’re lucky enough to have your spouse tell you that they are unhappy in the marriage, then it’s important to sit down and talk with them on what changes are needed.  Very few of us ever get this kind of warning.  Usually, the first sign of trouble is when divorce papers are served. The storms of life can hit you anytime and anywhere. We need to be watching at all times.

Looking back at your worst storms of life, how do you think you handled them? Could you have done better? Do you see how important planning is and how it can keep you out of trouble? I have clients who have a difficult time figuring out when the storm is going to hit. They don’t plan and fail to look at the future may hold then wonder what happened to them. Strategic planning is essential in staying safe in today’s world.

Many people get caught off guard with unexpected expenses that become emergencies. For instance, unexpected car repairs. This is one expense that causes hardship for so many. I tell people put $20 away each week and save for the repairs you may need.  Preparing for an expense that you know is going to come will alleviate some the daily stress you face.  It’s important we are disciplined and only use the money for life’s emergencies.

Following are a few helpful tips to help you prepare for the storms you may face down the road:
•    Be aware of what’s going on around you.  For instance, if you hear rumors about company layoffs, start looking for work immediately.
•    Start setting aside money to have available for when you need emergency money. I tell folks to put away $20 dollars a week and designate it for car repairs, medical bills, rent or house payment. And, always replace what you borrow out of that fund.
•    If you have health issues, see your doctor. If you let a small thing go, it becomes a major medical problem.  Remember, it’s never too late to seek treatment.  Don’t delay.
•    If your spouse tells you they are unhappy or you are unhappy in your marriage, sit down and talk, work things out. It’s always best to take care of it before it becomes a huge issue.
•    If there are people in your life who take advantage of you, tell them. Better to take care of a relationship problem then get resentful about it.
•    If you need to work on your own personal life, then start making amends with family or friends. If you are struggling with unresolved issues, then get counseling.  Don’t let things fester.
These are just a few examples of impending storms that we plan and prepare for.  It will take time and effort, but when you see the storm clouds rising, don’t wait for it to come to you, go towards it.  Head it off at the pass!

Do you need help in dealing with the storms in your life? Do you need someone to talk to who can help you sort out the real issues in your life? Are you ready to start planning for the storms in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions call Dr. Mike Brooks he can help you!

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Why Should I Be Friends With My Ex?

Posted on December 31, 2012 by drbrooks

Protect your kids from your arguments


I get a lot of calls from divorced couples who want to talk about being friends for the sake of their children. This is an important subject and needs to be addressed. When a divorce happens, it’s rarely because of the children. It’s usually for many reasons and the root of the problem affects the children. They are the ones who pay the price for your divorce.

When your children witness your arguing and fighting, the stress you put on them is something they feel for a lifetime.  You must keep your children out of your personal battles with your ex. There is absolutely no reason to have them involved in your war of words. To ignore this advice will surely lead you in for a rude awaking of great proportions.

Growing up in a military family, my parents would rarely argue but when they did, it was brutal. I can remember very well the things that were spoken and that was many, many years ago. After hearing my mom and dad argue, I often wondered if they were going to get a divorce. I would go to bed worried that I caused their argument. I thought it was my fault.  I never asked my parents why they argued. All I can tell you is that it was disturbing and, as children, it caused a great deal of pain for my sister and me.

If you are going to have an argument, then find a place where your children can’t hear you. Protect them from all your fights!  It is extremely unhealthy for them to be brought into the mix. I counseled a woman who told me her son was doing poorly in school and wondered why. I knew that she and her husband were getting divorced and asked her if her son was witnessing their fights and arguments.  She said he was and as a result was becoming a recluse.  He would avoid her and her husband when he came home from school. I insisted they discussed their differences their son was at school or with his friends.  She agreed.  Her son knew that his parents were getting a divorce and wanted no part of it.

Following are a few tips for protecting your children from witnessing your disagreements:

  • Refrain from arguing in front of the kids.
  • Set boundaries when you argue and discuss your marital problems.
  • Do not include your children in your fights. Do not pit one parent against the other or ask your children to take sides.
  • Listen to your children!  When they ask you to stop arguing then stop!
  • Explain to your children that mom and dad have disagreements and that it’s ok for them to get them settled.
  • If your arguments are starting to get out of control, then take a time out and stop and cool down.  Find another day to pick up the discussion when cooler heads avail.
  • Show respect, even if you disagree with each other. Your children will be watching and listening to every word you say.
  • Don’t argue just for the sake of arguing.

These are just a few thoughts and I’m sure you could add to this list. Remember, children are the ones that experience the most damage from a divorce. They don’t understand the complexities of an adult relationship. They need to know you will always be there for them – both of you. Protect your children at all costs. You need to be a good role model for your children. They need to know that you love them and have their best interests at heart. Fighting can be done in a civil matter. Have a plan and stick to it. Your children are counting on you.

Are you having a difficulty setting boundaries? Do you want to have an open discussion but are afraid it will end up in a shouting match? Do you want to know how to compromise so you both can win an argument? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

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