The Quietness Of Divorce

Posted on January 19, 2012 by drbrooks

The Quietness Of Divorce Can Be Healing

I sat outside on my back deck staring at the moon watching the cotton clouds pass overhead through the bright starry mid-August night. You could hear the aspen leaves dancing in the slight breeze out of the west. It was about 11:30, the night was warm as the crickets chirped in unison. Off in the distance, I could hear the thunder and see the lightening storm headed my way.  Just a few blocks away, I could hear cars hitting sewer covers and pot holes, while motor cycles sped up to make it through the yellow light at the Avenue of Kipling and Oak street. The occasional dog barking down the block added the the busyness that late August evening.

I was in deep thought, no matter how busy the outside world seemed. My divorce papers were laying on the oak kitchen table inside the house. I turned my head and glanced towards the dinning room that was in the dark. The divorce papers weren’t going anywhere, just knowing the pain they caused me that afternoon was enough for me not to go look at them for the hundredth time. I picked them up several times during the day, saw my name, the name of my wife, and tossed them back on the table in disbelief. How more of this shock and grief could I take? Was I a glutton for punishment, I asked myself? Should I get up from this comfortable lawn chair and go see if that’s really my name on the divorce papers I received today? I would have to turn the lights on, then look again! Nope, I am going to sit here and take in this evening by myself, no more divorce papers for me tonight.

The thunder got louder, and the flashes of lightening arched across the sky. I could now smell the rain that was headed my way. It was now 2:00 AM, the city seemed to be sleeping. I hardly heard any cars, and my soul began to quiet down. I thought to myself, let’s see, what happened to me today? I got divorce papers served, my life is falling apart, nothing really major happened beside those two things. I was now alone, all alone. I started to figure out what was so loud at 2 AM, it was the quietness of the city and the calming of my heart. I compare it to just after hearing the muzzle blast of a 44 Magnum, and then the silence. Just for that split second, you hear nothing but silence. I sat in the lawn chair, and was alone with my thoughts. Slowly, I realized that being alone with my thoughts was perfectly OK.

This was my time, just for me, for the first time in years I was now alone with my thoughts and feelings. As I closed my eyes and leaned back with my head resting on the back of the lawn chair. I shut my brain down, and waited for the silent little voice that would tell me everything is going to be OK. After all, I have a busy mind that never seems to shut down.

I was very uncomfortable with how quiet the space around me was. Then I began to think, this quietness is not really that bad, it’s not going to hurt me. so, I started to think of my issues that I needed to work on. I didn’t let any outside distractions take over. Let’s just say for the first time in many months, I was in total control of an agenda that was to help me, get to know me. I forgot who I was during many years of a bad marriage. In order to find peace and quiet you need to put that as a top priority in your game plan. I did and it was amazing on what I found out about myself.

  • I enjoyed being alone to think about my future.
  • I wrote in a journal, keeping tabs on my emotions and feelings.
  • I took long walks and listened to wordless music.
  • I wrote out my goals for 1, 3, and 5 years, for personal, relational, and business.
  • I decided to keep only healthy friendships in my life, no more high maintenance individuals.
  • Do at least one fun thing once a week, trips, hobbies, read a book.
  • Send or call one person a week and thank them for something they have done for you, that helped me appreciate those who made a difference in my life.
  • If you owe someone an apology, make sure you do that in writing or a phone call, so I made phone calls, sent e-mails and letters to those I offended. That made me feel soooo much better.
  • The tears I shed were real, and healing. I used to bottle up my feelings and just walk away, no more, many nights I wept from a broken heart, my broken heart.

Learn to appreciate the quiet that surrounds you. The first few weeks or few months, this time of quiet will be in the evening while you’re alone eating dinner or laying in bed. Sometimes it will be while your driving, or even eating lunch. Enjoy these times, they are very healing and beneficial. Healing takes place in the quietness of your heart, learn to have these times, they will carry you through difficult times. Please share your thoughts on this article. How did you handle the quietness you experienced?

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment.  And you don’t even have to come to my office.  Sometimes, that makes it feel safer.  We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet.  That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me.  Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure.  I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

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Finding the healing you need

Posted on January 14, 2012 by drbrooks

Finding the healing you need

This week’s article is about inner healing.  Most people do not realize the amount of emotional damage that is done in the name of divorce.  Unfortunately, many of those who pass through my office doors don’t know how to work through that pain which is why they contact me.

When couples separate and divorce, life begins to unravel.  Many experience deep emotional pain that seems to last forever.   After my divorce I felt like my heart would break into pieces!  I remember the heartache I felt and longed for my pain to end.  Over the years I’ve met people who have spent years struggling with the pain of divorce.  They had no hope or joy in their lives.  When I went through my divorce, I knew I didn’t want to struggle with my pain. So I began looking for ways to find healing.  As I looked past the pain, I thought about the kind of future I wanted.  Did I want to struggle with the pain or did I want to find freedom and move on with my life?  I chose the path to healing and moving on!

As a young man just starting my career, I wondered where I would be in a year, three years and five years down the road.  I had lost the love of my life, my family, my home and our close friends. I tried to find ways to heal by reading books, talking to friends and anyone who I thought would understand my pain. After wrestling with the feelings of loss and loneliness, I decided to face my grief head on.  The first thing I did was I make a list of the things I had lost.  The list included losses that would affect me as a husband, father, business owner and friend.  I would encourage you to do the same. Make a list of the losses you have right now and what you think you may face in future. Keep adding to that list as you go through your divorce. This list will help you keep focused on areas that need your attention.  For example, if loneliness is on your list then put together a plan that will help eliminate those lonely times.  I filled my days with hikes, trips to the library and photography.  It kept me busy and kept the loneliness at bay.

Along with loneliness, what are some of the barriers to the grieving process? After years of counseling couples, I have found that fighting and arguing can be two of the main obstacles to your healing. The more fighting and arguing there is, the longer it takes to grieve and then heal. To move forward with your life you will need to find ways to resolve your differences.  For some, finding out their marriage is ending is the first of many shocking and grievous events they will face.

I recall the first in a series of shocking events that led to my broken heart and grief.   I was having lunch with my wife one afternoon enjoying pleasant conversation.  After about an hour  and a half, I asked her if we could head home. I had spent the morning taping a fishing show and was exhausted from being in the sun.  She lingered a bit longer then I wanted, but finally agreed to head home.  She seemed nervous and unsettled as I drove and I noticed she had asked me to take a different way to our home.   As we finally drove down our street, I saw several trucks backed into the front lawn of our home. I watched in disbelief as several of her friends loaded our furniture into the bed of the trucks. I was in total shock!  I looked at her with complete and utter surprise and with no emotion she said, “We need to have a talk.”  Imagine my shock!  I felt like I was on a runaway train.  My emotions went from high to low in a matter of minutes. I had no idea how to deal with the emotions I was feeling and witnessing.

How do you grieve when you have a broken heart and realize that your marriage is coming to an end?  I experienced grief on a scale that I had never experienced before. That’s when I realized I would no longer be married to my best friend.  I had to accept the fact that she wasn’t going to be the one I could count on when I needed her most. As I look back, I now realize that this was all part of the grieving process. There were no shortcuts and I was to go through it alone.

I now recognize that it’s a painful but necessary part of the healing process.  Dealing with the grief can’t be avoided.  Just remember, when you go through it, it’s a part of your recovery from the shock of divorce. Find someone that will walk with you through your pain, and stand beside you.  It needs to be someone that will listen and not necessarily give advice. Many of my clients ask, will they ever get over the grief and pain of their divorce. The answer is yes!  But you must allow yourself the time to heal.  It’s also a time to learn about yourself from your divorce, and how live one day at a time!

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching and Divorce Coaching & Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (we can help you set up Skype if needed, or request Dr. Mike’s Skype contact number). The convenience of this type of coaching and counseling is the most effective means for those who live out of Colorado and the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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How to Set Up A Meeting with Dr. Mike Divorce Coach and Divorce Counselor

Posted on January 10, 2012 by drbrooks

"I called Dr. Mike, he was easy to talk to and helped me move on with my life."

I certainly know all about the pain of being alone while contemplating the option of divorce.  For me, it happened while we both still lived in the same house. I was broken in spirit, frightened about my future, and had no one to turn to.

I had friends, and good ones, but in the throws of divorce you think, I don’t want to burden them with my marriage problems. I need, and have to get professional help— someone who has my best interests at heart but is objective in helping me get results.

See if this is a picture in which you see yourself.  It’s Late at night, you’ve been sitting on the couch, or lying in bed.  You begin to realize as you stare at the ceiling, maybe my marriage is over. It’s difficult for you to talk to anyone.  You don’t want your family or your friends to know what you have been thinking.  Besides, it’s just plain embarrassing. You ask yourself, should I try to save and fight for my marriage, or should I just end it?  It’s all so confusing.

Too often, help seems so far away from you.   Whether you live in the burbs, the country, mountains, the middle of nowhere USA, or even a big city, you can easily feel isolated and alone among the crowds of people.  You try to appear as normal as you can outside, while inside, you’re dealing with your own private turmoil.  You say to yourself, I need someone to talk to! But, where can I go and to whom can I turn to get that help?  I need a divorce coach/divorce counselor to be a sounding board and make sense of my mess for me.  I’m just not sure where to start.

That’s why I personally write for Idontwantthisdivorce.com  Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment.  And you don’t even have to come to my office.  Sometimes, that makes it feel safer.  We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet.  That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me.  Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure.  I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

"Dr. Mike was so easy to talk to on the phone. His advice was amazing."

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I’m lonely, what do I do now?

Posted on January 7, 2012 by drbrooks

Casual Sex only complicates matters of a broken and wounded heart!

I used to watch a lot of TV just to kill time. It worked for a while but eventually I would begin thinking about my wife and the loneliness would settle in. We enjoyed watching all kinds of sports, movies and comedy’s together but now it just wasn’t fun watching them alone. I’d get up to make popcorn, just like I used to, and then head back to the couch only now it was without her by my side. One day it dawned on me that I was doing these things out of habit. I also realized that I was a lonely man. Even though I had my accountability partners, friends from the gym and friends from church, I ached with loneliness. My longing for companionship was heightened when I would watch couples holding hands and kissing. It was especially agonizing when I would see couples connecting with each other while they laughed and giggled and whispered to each other, obviously in love.

When you first shared the news of your divorce with friends did you find that some of them stopped calling you, ignored you or never returned your calls? It was apparent that some of my friends became uncomfortable being around me.  I couldn’t understand why people were avoiding me.  I realize now they simply wanted to encourage me but they didn’t know what to say so they would avoid being around me.  At times, this too added to my feelings of isolation.

Today, my clients ask me what they can expect if they don’t deal with their loneliness in productive ways.  What I tell them is that anger can take hold which will inevitably lead to depression and anxiety. Some people will blame their former spouse for their loneliness and eventually find they are exhausted and vulnerable to unhealthy relationships.  Many times, those who are most vulnerable fall prey to one night stands and fleeting romance.  We all know that the ramifications of these kinds of relationships eventually lead to guilt and in some cases, sexually transmitted diseases.  I have had many clients tell me that casual sex deepened their loneliness and their conscious got the better of them. The guilt they had to deal with “after the fact” was very harsh. This is where I counsel my clients to be very careful about rebound relationships. They’re very easy to get into and very difficult to get out of. Often we are looking for someone to fill a void in our lives but a new relationship can grow old quickly, especially if issues from the past have not been completely resolved. Many lessons can be learned from being single.   Take time to regain your confidence, work on yourself, and become whole again. Grow during this time and work on the areas you are weak in.  Learn to enjoy the time you have being single and use it wisely.

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

 

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Learning how to confront will pay off big time!

Posted on January 4, 2012 by drbrooks

Learning how to confront your partner the right way can save your relationship

As my client began to speak, his wife asked him, “you didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” well, of course I did, he responded. She motioned with her hands and said “Time-out!” and what did I say? He was caught and very uncomfortable as he stared at his feet…..

Why does confronting your spouse scare you? Think about that question. Does it codger up unknown fears, perhaps past struggles? I have often wondered, is there really a good way to talk about your past, present and future hurts? I mean, how fun is it to talk to your spouse about a personal hurt they have caused you 2 months ago, and you haven’t had the courage to deal with it. There is no easy way to plan for it, but it must be done and sooner the better.

What is the real problem? From my perspective, its the lack of ability to listen to the other person. We want to blame the other person, and don’t understand why they can’t see our view point. We get frustrated on how their lack of perception of the problem at hand. We assume or make assumptions of the problem, and start the blame game. I think we all have done that to some degree. We will defend our talking points without question, and never listen to our spouses perspective. Its usually all or nothing in regards to how we confront each other.

Rule number one, put yourself in your spouses shoes. How would you like to be treated and what would you hear coming from your own lips? Would you like to be attacked or blamed, told who’s right or wrong, or have your spouse make blanket assumptions about you? Of course not, you would like to be treated as an equal and respected as a partner. You really don’t know your spouses intentions, we assume we do, when we really don’t. That’s where we start getting into dangerous territory. When we think we know what our spouse is thinking and saying without listening, or getting the facts before we speak, that can lead to a relationship disaster. I have been there and done that, not fun if you ask me!

Over the next several weeks, I will give you some idea’s on how to confront without being nasty or condescending. They work if you have patience to learn how to change your style of confrontation. Add your thoughts, what works for you and what didn’t. After all we are here to help each other!

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

 

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Don’t Share Your Marriage Problems With A Gossip

Posted on January 2, 2012 by drbrooks

Think Again Before Sharing Marriage Problems With A Gossip

Gossip, you ever give gossip much of a thought? Have you ever been harmed by gossip? I think most of us can truthfully answer that question with a resounding, YES! Did you know that gossip destroys many marriages just in the United States alone?

Last month I had a client call me, she was crying on the other end of her cell phone out of control. Between her sobs she was telling me she shared some of the struggles she was having with her husband with a friend of hers. Oh, oh I thought, mistake number one. Do not share anything about your marriage problems with your friends. It’s OK if you have one friend can be trusted, but most shouldn’t be taken into your confidence. They will use what you have shared with them, to help others in their sphere of influence (yours and their friends) understand your change of behavior. Suddenly the friend that you shared your marriage problems with, will be a Dr. Phil with all encompassing wisdom and knowledge (not). They will share every detail with selected friends, again your and their friends. Then the nature of the beast (gossip) will spread like the flu. Everyone will know what is happening in your bad marriage, eventually your spouse will hear it as well. As this poor woman’s husband did and he filed for divorce the following day

Today’s Tip, don’t share your marriage problems with a gossip. When you confront the gossip, they will drop your friendship like a hot potato. That I can promise you! Contact Dr. Mike Brooks divorce coach and counselor, if you need help.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

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Don’t Listen To Friends Who Tell You To Divorce

Posted on January 1, 2012 by drbrooks

Don't Be Talked Into A Divorce from your friends

I counsel and divorce coach many men and women going through divorce in a year’s time. One thing I hear repeatedly from many of the women I counsel is that they got talked into a divorce by well-meaning friends. I have found that some women live vicariously through a friend going through a divorce. They have a tendency to encourage others to seek legal counsel and if the truth were to be known, they themselves most likely are in a fragile marriage!  Friends may not give sound advice and may secretly want to make sure that others suffer as much if not worse than they do. I see this all the time in my counseling and divorce coaching practice.

I recall a female client whose friend lied to her about her husband being gay. This so-called friend lied when she said she saw her husband and his best friend holding hands at a restaurant. My client believed this woman and found out too late that her friend hated her husband with a passion and lied. When her friend was confronted by a pastor she insisted her stories were true. When pressured for specific information she could not answer and the truth was finally exposed.  Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Meanwhile my client told her friends she believed her husband was gay without checking out the facts.  Her friends urged her to file for divorce, which she did.

What saddens me the most about this story is that the husband loved his wife very much.  She broke this man’s heart, divorced him and destroyed any chance of reconciliation. She remarried soon after her divorce and later found out that the man she divorced was telling the truth all along.

When someone tries to convince you to divorce your spouse, ask yourself these questions:

Are they in a bad marriage themselves?
Are they recently divorced?
Are they separated?
Are they cheating on their partner?
Are they newlyweds?
Are they at odds with your partner?
Are they trying to set you up with one of their friends?

If the answer is yes to any of these situations, then run as fast as you can from these people. They do not, I repeat, do not have your best interest at heart. They are living through you and will possibly destroy your marriage. Find people who are neutral and will not take sides. Do lots of fact finding.  Ask questions of your spouse.  Many marriages have been destroyed and torn apart by gossip and lies. Many marriages can be saved if you take the time to do the research yourself. Why not give your marriage every chance it deserves to survive?  Yes, every marriage has its problems but most marriages can be saved if you’re willing to do the work and make it happen.

If you’re contemplating divorce and need guidance I can help you by walking along side you.  I’ll make sure you understand the end results of the decisions you’re making and why you need to make them. It’s a tough road to travel alone.  Call me and I can help you decide if divorce is in your best interest!

Following are some questions you should ask yourself:

1)    Are you willing to try one last time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2)    Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage or end one?
3)    Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4)    Are you having a difficult time forgiving your partner?
5)    Do you want a divorce and need help with the next step?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has helped many couples save their marriages, and walked couples through the divorce process. He can help you too!

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

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Should I fight for my marriage?

Posted on December 26, 2011 by drbrooks

I get lots of calls from people who are having a tough time deciding if they should stay in a bad marriage or not. “What’s the point of staying in it” I often hear. Well, that’s entirely up to you. The death of a marriage effects everyone on both sides of the family, parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grand children, close friends, etc.

My question to you is, are you willing to make it work, go through the steps of reconciliation? Are you in love with your ex, or do you despise them and want nothing to do with them? A lot of divorced and separated individuals never wanted the divorce or the separation. Do you want to try again? Can you save your marriage alone? In some cases I believe you can, I have seen it happen numerous times, it takes lots of work and dedication, but it can happen.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

 

Posted in Dr. Mike's rants | 2 Comments

Where has the Art of communication Gone?

Posted on December 19, 2011 by drbrooks

Lack of Communication Destroys Relationships.

“Don’t you remember I told you that I would be running errands after work today? I told you last week while you were in the shower. You never listen to me”, as she scolded her husband!

It’s amazing how at times we think someone is listening to us when in reality they are not!   Who would want a message delivered to them while taking a shower and how many of us would remember what was said?  Think about this: when was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with someone that truly communicated back with you?  How many of us assume that the one we’re talking to really understands what we’re thinking or what our next move will be? Many people make those assumptions and I see them in my office every day!

Today we are going to look at ways to communicate better. How can we get our message across with total understanding?  Let’s face it–one of the primary reasons for divorce is that couples do not know how to communicate with each other. Lack of effective communication is also a big reason why companies have problems in the work place.  As parents, we all struggle at times communicating with our children.  It can even happen on the football field and basketball courts at the professional, collegiate, and high school levels.

A few years ago I encountered a married couple that argued with each other throughout the counseling session. Each claimed that the other was not listening as they went back and forth. I watched and listened to this for a few moments then interrupted them by saying, “Whoa, whoa, listen to yourself!  You’re both talking at the same time and cannot hear what the other is saying.”  They stopped and looked at each other and laughed. They ‘got it’ after it was pointed out to them. How can we know what’s on our mate’s mind and heart if we don’t take the time to listen to each other? Lack of communication happens on the football field when one defensive back gives up a touchdown because of his lack of communication with the other defensive backs on his team!

What are some of the skills we need to learn so we can communicate better?  First of all, we need to take time to listen!  Next, we need to learn how to verbalize our wants, needs and desires. Fully explain what those are and don’t assume the other person understands and knows what you want. Go point-by-point and cover the important issues that will help the other person understand where you are coming from. It’s really that simple! Unlike the woman who told her husband she was running errands while he was taking a shower, we need to learn how to communicate at the right time and the right place to avoid  misunderstandings, confusion and arguments.

Do you have a difficult time communicating with others? Do you lack the skills you need to get your point across? Do people misunderstand what you tell them? Has your lack of communication hurt you in your past and current relationships with friends and family?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has taught many people how to communicate effectively and he can help you too!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: http://www.applicablecoaching.com/blog.php

Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at:       http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike, divorce coach and counselor over the phone or via Skype in the comfort of their home. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

Posted in Divorce Coach | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

I’m So Lonely I Could Cry

Posted on December 15, 2011 by drbrooks

Loneliness Leads To Despair

I used to watch a lot of TV just to kill time.  It worked for a while but eventually I would begin thinking about my wife and the loneliness would settle in. We enjoyed watching all kinds of sports, movies, and comedies together but now it just wasn’t fun watching them alone.  I’d get up to make popcorn, just like I used to, and then head back to the couch, only now it was without her by my side.  One day it dawned on me that I was doing these things out of habit.  I also realized that I was a lonely man. Even though I had my accountability partners, friends from the gym and friends from church, I ached with loneliness.  My longing for companionship was heightened when I would watch couples holding hands and kissing.  It was especially agonizing when I would see couples connecting with each other while they laughed and giggled and whispered to each other, obviously in love.

 

 

 

 

 

When you first shared the news of your divorce with friends did you find that some of them stopped calling you, ignored you, or never returned your calls?  It was apparent that some of my friends became uncomfortable being around me.  I couldn’t understand why people were avoiding me.  I realize now they simply wanted to encourage me but they didn’t know what to say so they would avoid being around me.  At times, this too added to my feelings of isolation.

My clients ask me what they can expect if they don’t deal with their loneliness in productive ways.  What I tell them is that anger can take hold which will inevitably lead to depression.  Some blame their former spouse for their loneliness and eventually find they are exhausted and vulnerable.  Many times, those who are most vulnerable fall prey to one night stands and fleeting romance.  We all know that the ramifications of these kinds of relationships.  They can eventually lead to guilt and in some cases, sexually transmitted diseases.  I have had many clients tell me that casual sex deepened their loneliness and their conscience got the better of them.

The guilt they had to deal with “after the fact” was very harsh. This is where I counsel my clients to be very careful about rebound relationships.  They’re very easy to get into and very difficult to get out of.  Often we are looking for someone to fill a void in our lives but a new relationship can grow old quickly, especially if issues from the past have not been completely resolved.

Many lessons can be learned from being single.   Take time to regain your confidence, work on yourself, and become whole again. Grow during this time and work on the areas you are weak in.  Learn to enjoy the time you have being single, and use it wisely.

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced.  We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know.  If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help?  Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage?  Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce?

Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help.

Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment.

I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

 

 

Posted in Divorce Coach | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment