dear excuses, PREPARE TO DIE (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on October 31, 2018 by drbrooks

dear excuses, PREPARE TO DIE (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Continuing from last weeks article. Another issue that I had to face was “what I didn’t know” about operating a fitness center. I kept thinking “what if I fail, I would be horrified and what would the community, my friends and family, think of me? Just the thought of this fitness center was taking me way out of my comfort zone; I like to know what’s in front of me. I have to be honest I was scared of the what if’s and not focused on the “I can do this.” The only way to overcome this is to do your research and plan well ahead.

Make a well thought out business plan or a life plan. Prepare next steps and stick to them!

 What if it doesn’t work out, I asked myself? I already had pre-planned excuses just in case my plans failed. I was vacillating on success and my failure. You can’t go into trying something new and expect to succeed with that kind of mindset. Use the skills you already know and use them to live your dream and make it happen. No more excuses! If your plan doesn’t work, that’s OK. You will learn from your experience and become more confident in your next steps. Failure isn’t always bad for you. It creates a foundation for your next steps.

When I was in the planning stages of my Fitness Center, I wondered if my plans would work out. I faced the reality of failure in my own eyes, but that also hindered positive thinking. Some days I would dwell on failure and other days would think about my potential business success. It was all so confusing. I lost a lot of sleep during the planning stages. Many times I argued with myself about how this fitness center would fail. I made every excuse why it would. Honestly, I didn’t believe it was going to work out. So, I made excuses for why it would fail.

My thought was this; this is how I am, I’m not going to change whatsoever. I had to get past that kind thinking in order to move forward with my plans. The way I look at things is to stop making excuses and make a plan for your success.

I beat myself up over this fitness center business that I wanted to have. It didn’t work out the first time, but three years later, I ended up being a part owner of a fitness center that was very successful. My hard work did pay off down the road. I stopped making excuses and rolled up my sleeves and used the wealth of head knowledge I acquired during my initial phase to build a booming fitness center…

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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dear excuses, PREPARE TO DIE (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on October 8, 2018 by drbrooks

dear excuses, PREPARE TO DIE (2)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I often wonder why people are so afraid to make life-changing choices. When they think about it, they make excuses for why they can’t! To make changes, it takes a plan, and with the plan, it takes courage, commitment and resolve to make things happen. If you want to be miserable the rest of your life and look back saying, should have, could have, would have, in order to be a success with your life, and you don’t, whose fault is that?

Stop making excuses, people are tired of it!

What excuses will you look back at and kick your self for using them? So what excuses do you often use to get out of having your dreams and visions come to life? Well, here are a few that you may use and if you do, STOP using them.

  • I don’t have the time to do it
  • I don’t have the money
  • I have other important things to do
  • I’ll start next year on planning it
  • I can’t rush into it
  • Stop asking, it’ll happen when I’m ready

I had a client who wanted to start an ATV repair shop. We talked, and I kept hearing how he didn’t have the money to start a mom and pop shop. I asked him if he had planned in advance the funds that he needed and the timeframe of when this new adventure would take place. “No, I didn’t plan a timeline when this would happen. I want to get the shop up and running this year,” he said. Have you looked into renting a vacant building or using your garage at the house? He thought about having a shop in his garage. Now, this guy was an amazing ATV mechanic and would do well anywhere he set up shop. So, I went through what I thought he would need to get a business going. He agreed and liked my idea’s, but immediately went to the mindset, “I don’t have the money!” He never started that business, and to this day kicks himself for not planning or talking to a bank to get a loan, he works for someone else and can’t stand his boss.

If money is holding you back, talk to someone who can help you get a bank loan or how to save your money to start a business. Money should not hold you back, you may have to start small, and you may have to save your money for a while, but believe in your dreams.

Another excuse is, it takes too much work, and I’m not ready to move forward on my plans. People get some great idea’s and refuse to do the work to make it happen. Plans take energy and time and lots of it. I remember as a thirty-year-old how bad I wanted to open a fitness center back in Wisconsin. My town was pretty small about 16,000 people. I had the experience of running a fitness center and the drive to make it happen. I didn’t realize the amount of work required for owning and operating one, the paperwork to get it started was mind-blowing, and for a while, I was getting all the necessary paperwork required. I was losing steam, and tired of talking to the county, state and local powers that be. The fun part was planning the equipment I wanted to order, the kind of trainers that I wanted to hire, all that was fun to me. The other not so much. I had to admit it wasn’t the time to make this happen. So, I simply admitted that this was way to much work for me.

Next week, I will be sharing with you how to deal with making excuses for your failures. I share my insights and how I overcame the excuses I made.

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dear excuses, PREPARE TO DIE (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on October 1, 2018 by drbrooks

dear excuses, PREPARE TO DIE (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

How many times have you heard someone make an excuse for their failures and it drove you up a wall? I have a friend of mine who I walk with on a treadmill at our local gym. He tries to show up at least three days a week. He’s been missing a lot the last few months. When he shows up, he starts sharing why he missed his workout. They are all excuses and lame ones at that! “Well, the weatherman says it’s going to be windy this morning, and I want to be home in case there is a wildfire.” “I have to get my oil changed at 1:00 and I’m getting ready for that.” Keep in mind that we walk on the treadmill at 3:30 AM. So, when I hear these kind of excuses, I start to laugh and no longer pay any attention to them.

Excuses get old, especially if they are used to get out work, promises that you’ve made to yourself and others, excuses are outright lies for the most part. I tell folks, just be honest and say what the truth is.  If you’re someone who uses excuses to get out of the promises you’ve made to others, then you need to take a look at how you inconvenience others with your excuses. There are legitimate reasons why do good people makes excuses?

I was headed down to a Physical Therapy appointment that was scheduled at 10:00 AM, as I headed down to my appointment there was an accident in the canyon and traffic was stopped. There was no way I was going to make this appointment. I called my physical therapist and let her know that I wasn’t going to make it. She understood, and I gave her a reason why I missed and not an excuse.

When a relationship has issues, I find that many of the issues are based on poor communication. Many reasons are brought to light when in counseling, and excuses are a big part of individuals downfall. Husbands will often make excuses for not doing the things around the house that need to be attended to. Wives make excuses for the same reasons.

Next week, I will be sharing with you how to deal with making excuses for your failures. I share my insights and how I overcame the excuses I made.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Getting Away From it All (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on September 12, 2018 by drbrooks

Getting Away From It All (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When you plan this getaway, let your boss know that you will not be available and that your cell phone will be turned off. Put your spouse and family first. This is one of your boundaries for a happy marriage. It seems to me some people have the cell phone glued to their ears, not sure why they do, but remember leaving work at work is your goal and your responsibility to make it happen.

Keep your marriage in tact by communicating!

Let me explain the consequences if you don’t make your family a top priority and put your work first. Most likely two things will happen. Your spouse will give you plenty of warning signs that they are not happy and want things to change or you will be told they have had enough and want out of the marriage. Some spouses will go along with it and keep to themselves, but deep inside they are extremely unhappy with you and putting your work ahead of the family.

So, if you want to keep your family intact, and have a happy marriage, avoid putting the job over your family. It will not be of any benefit to you if you do. I titled this article “Getting Away From It All” for a good reason. Be aware of bringing your work home and expecting your spouse to understand if you neglect your family time.

There is a story I heard about that I want to share with you. The scene if you can imagine has a woman sitting on the couch waiting for her husband to come home from work. She was writing a note in a card she bought for her husband to give him for a special dinner date she planned and for a very special occasion. The husband walks through the door while speaking on his cell phone to his boss at work. He hangs up and informs her that they can’t go out for dinner because his boss has more work for him and he has to head back to the office. As he leaves for the office, he gives her a quick kiss and heads out the door. She stares at the card on the table and now is devastated that the dinner will not happen.

A few hours later while he is at the office working his cell phone rings and it is the police informing him that his wife was killed in a traffic accident. He drops his phone and heads out of his office to rush to the hospital.

He returns home after his trip to the hospital. He walks over to the couch and sits down and is beside himself. He sees the card on the coffee table with his name on it and opens it up and starts to read what his wife had written in the card. She had written that she was pregnant with their first child and that she was happy to share the news with her husband.

Can you imagine what this husband was feeling after reading her handwritten card to him? Now he realizes that not only did he lose his wife but their unborn baby as well. This story is to help you see that leaving your work at work is pretty important in growing a healthy relationship with your spouse and kids. There are things much more important than your work. Now the ball is in your court!

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Getting Away From it All (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on August 28, 2018 by drbrooks

Getting Away from It All (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will be talking about boundaries and how to use them. See if any of these complaints sound like the ones you have struggled with!

I was looking back and thought that’d I share some of the complaints from clients whose spouse brought home their work, see if any of these resonate with you.

  • Please leave your work at the office; we hardly spend any time together
  • All you do is stay in the office downstairs; you hardly see the kids or me
  • What’s more important, your work that you bring home or the kids and I?
  • We had dinner planned with our friends tonight, are you kidding me that your boss wants you to work from home tonight? This dinner has been planned for over a month.
  • Your children don’t ever get to spend time with you, why? Because you’re always doing your work at home
  • You’re always on the cell phone with your boss when we go out for dinner, can’t you turn that *#%^!! Cell phone off?

For those of you who are married to your job, I want to give you a word of advice. STOP, repeat STOP, stop bringing your work home and start to become the spouse and parent that your family needs you to be. There is no job worth sacrificing your family for. Leave work at work and let your bosses know that your family needs you and that you need them and that you’re no longer on the clock once you leave the building. I understand that there are reasons why you will bring work home, I get that! I’m suggesting that you do your best not to bring your work home. Have boundaries with your work at home. Ask yourself is it necessary to bring work home? Can you complete your work the following day at your office? Can you plan far enough ahead to complete your work at your office? The one question I would like to ask you, would you be willing to set aside the weekends for your family and not your job? These are just a few suggestions that will help keep work at work and allow you to spend time with your family.

Sometimes as a tune-up, you may need to reconnect with the spouse and kids from time to time. Take some time away from work and spend time with your spouse. Get away for a few days and enjoy your time together, and without any work commitments. If you need to get a sitter or a family member to watch the kids while your away, set that up. Show your spouse that you want alone time with them.

Next week we will be covering the consequences of putting work ahead of your marriage and family. I will be sharing a sad story about a broken dinner date and the deadly story behind it.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Getting Away From it All (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on August 28, 2018 by drbrooks

Getting Away from It All (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

A client of mine left me a voicemail that I should call her right away. I called her back, and she unloaded about all of her husband’s faults. Most were minor, but the one that caught my attention was when she said that he was married to his work. She said that he brought his work home and would work at the kitchen table while eating dinner with the family; he brought it into the bedroom (laying in bed while working on the computer late at night) he even brought it up while they were sitting in church! “We have no marriage whatsoever!” she said.

Do you or your spouse have this issue going on in your marriage? If you do, we need to address this problem here and now. More marriages go down the tubes because of the lack of intimacy, and I’m not talking about physical intimacy but the emotional and connecting intimacy. Meaning connecting with your spouse on the emotional level. The small talk, the playful talk, the eye contact, the teasing talk, the planning talks, the deep secret talks. I think you get the idea. Where does the intimacy go after you’ve been married for several years? It usually goes into other areas like work, kids, and hobbies. The marriage seems to lack the luster it once had when you first got married. Life was full of fun and adventures; you always made time for each other. You laughed together; You cried together, you felt so alive and in love with each other. Where has that feeling gone in your relationship?

When someone is married to their work, more often than not they don’t realize it. They get so focused on their work and don’t understand that they have abandoned their families without knowing it. It’s a trend that has become common with our computers, texting, and cell phones. I’ve had clients who complained that their spouses would be doing deals and solving business issues while eating dinner with the family. Their spouses would be on a family vacation while working on the computer putting a business plan together.

Next week, I will be sharing with you many of the complaints I get about someone who is bringing work home and how to stop driving your spouse mad.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Getting Away From it All (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on August 20, 2018 by drbrooks

Getting Away from It All (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

A client of mine left me a voicemail that I should call her right away. I called her back, and she unloaded about all of her husband’s faults. Most were minor, but the one that caught my attention was when she said that he was married to his work. She said that he brought his work home and would work at the kitchen table while eating dinner with the family; he brought it into the bedroom (laying in bed while working on the computer late at night) he even brought it up while they were sitting in church! “We have no marriage whatsoever!” she said.

Finding time for each other is important, leave the work at work, and spend time with family

Do you or your spouse have this issue going on in your marriage? If you do, we need to address this problem here and now. More marriages go down the tubes because of the lack of intimacy, and I’m not talking about physical intimacy but the emotional and connecting intimacy. Meaning connecting with your spouse on the emotional level. The small talk, the playful talk, the eye contact, the teasing talk, the planning talks, the deep secret talks. I think you get the idea. Where does the intimacy go after you’ve been married for several years? It usually goes into other areas like work, kids, and hobbies. The marriage seems to lack the luster it once had when you first got married. Life was full of fun and adventures; you always made time for each other. You laughed together; You cried together, you felt so alive and in love with each other. Where has that feeling gone in your relationship?

When someone is married to their work, more often than not they don’t realize it. They get so focused on their work and don’t understand that they have abandoned their families without knowing it. It’s a trend that has become common with our computers, texting, and cell phones. I’ve had clients who complained that their spouses would be doing deals and solving business issues while eating dinner with the family. Their spouses would be on a family vacation while working on the computer putting a business plan together.

Next week, I will be sharing with you many of the complaints I get about someone who is bringing work home and how to stop driving your spouse mad.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on August 13, 2018 by drbrooks

Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Did you know that separation can help some people recover from of infidelity? Think about it, trust is the biggest deal breaker in most relationships, right? Without it, there is really nothing that will keep a relationship together. Unfortunately, many marriages will have one of the spouse’s cheat on the other. It happens, and we can’t hide that fact. So, how does a trial separation help a couple dealing with an affair?

  • An affair causes so much sadness; it’s like the death of two close friends. Infidelity is also similar to the death of a relationship. We grieve over the loss of trust especially from someone we are married to. An important fact to know that there is no time limit for someone grieving over their spouse that cheated on them. This is an important part of the healing process. It must happen for the healing to begin.
  • Figuring out what caused the affair, this can be nerve-racking for the one cheated on. Many affairs start because of the lack of sex in the relationship, or the opportunity that someone couldn’t pass it up. Either way, I would suggest not going into detail about any part of the physical affair.
  • Learning how to trust again by communication. The more open you are about your needs in your relationship, the deeper the trust level grows. Being open takes courage and letting go of your insecurities. I know trust is earned over a period of time, that is entirely up to you and your spouse how long this will be.
  • Getting to know yourself during the separation period can open some doors, that long have been closed. Learning who you are during this process can reveal some of the things you need to work on. If you feel like your self-esteem has taken a hit, then, by all means, work on it, if self-discipline is another area that you need to spend time on, make it happen. Use this time to better yourself and learn to love yourself again.
  • I would suggest not running off to find a lawyer to start the divorce paperwork. Take some time to think about your next steps. If a trial separation is something you may want to consider, then sit down and make some ground rules you both can live by.

Time does heal; it’s just a matter if you can work out the details and try to make your relationship work. I think people should at least give it a try and see what happens. I know some men and women will never agree to try after they have been cheated on. I understand that if they can’t, why try? It would only lead to heartache at the worst.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Is Separating a Good Thing? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on July 23, 2018 by drbrooks

Is Separating a Good Thing? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So what are the benefits of a trial separation? I think this is a great question and one that may open the eyes of those considering a trial separation. So, here we go, my thoughts. This gives you some time to cool off and decide if you want a divorce. It also helps you logically think about your next steps. It can help you look deep into your heart to see if you need to work on some of the issues in your marriage. It can save you from rushing off to a lawyer and spending a lot of money on something your just not sure about. A trial separation can help you focus on what needs to be repaired in your relationship with your spouse. If you have things that were causing some problems in your relationship, use this time to fix those problems, get some help from a counselor/coach who can direct you to understand why you do the things you do.

So, you may ask what are the bad things about a trial separation? Well, the ones that stick out in my mind are: You both are responsible for any financial expenses. So, let’s say that your spouse decides to buy a boat, guess what you are responsible for that boat during your trial separation. Another one but I doubt this would happen is if one of you wins Powerball during this time, the other half of you is entitled to half the winnings. Keep in mind the benefits of counseling/coaching are very important. You both need skills in communication and learning how to compromise with each other. Take full advantage of learning how to help each other during this time.

I had a client whose husband came home after work one evening and demanded that he wanted a separation, she was shocked! She had been thinking about asking for one as well and was actually relieved he asked for one first. He was angry, he kept his feelings to himself, on the other hand, she spoke with her close friends, and they listened to her share her feelings. She didn’t want any advice but just wanted her friends to listen. She said that her time away from her husband was so healing for her. Let’s face it they didn’t like each other and had time to cool off. That’s whats needed during the trial separation. A cooling off period for both people in the relationship. She said that she needed this time to figure out what her next steps were. After a while, she started to miss her husband, and he missed her. That’s where the healing starts to take place. Avoid being together during this time.

When your ready to start seeing each other again, if you have kids do something with the entire family, go slow and if you are comfortable with this type of date then do something together without the kids. Go on a grown-up date, go out to a movie, out to dinner, for a walk, just have some fun together. Remember start with baby steps, don’t rush into anything, take your time.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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Is Separating A Good Thing? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on June 25, 2018 by drbrooks

Is Separating a Good Thing? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

There are times that a separation can be a good thing, as long as you have boundaries that go along with it. Trial separations can work when there are ground rules in place. First, what is the purpose of the separation? Is it used to help better communication between couples? Is it used for healing a broken heart, what is the purpose of a trial separation?

Again, I’ll ask that big questions, what is the purpose of any trial separation? It’s not for the faint of heart, and there needs to be some guidelines before you take that next step. You both must sit down and go over the boundaries of your trial separation. Remember this is not the time to start dating, you need to focus on making yourself healthy for yourself and your spouse. Here are my tips for a trial separation:

  • Set up a timeline for how long your trial separation will last, make it realistic, will you be separated for one month, two, three or four months? The longer you separate, the less chance you have of working on your marriage. You become accustomed to living apart. I’d say no longer than six months.
  • What are your boundaries during your separation? No dating, stay with same-sex friends, no dinner dates with opposite sex, no texting, emails, check-ins, no after office working together with the opposite sex. Avoid any appearance of improprieties. This will keep you out of trouble and any gossip that can and will happen.
  • Agree to go to counseling/coaching sessions. This will be a big help with understanding each other and hopefully help you with better communication. Plan on weekly sessions. Make sure to keep your appointments and commit to open and honest sharing. This is not the time to hold back your feelings.
  • Plan to talk about your finances before you separate, who pays what bills and will you be able to afford tow households. I suggest that the one that leaves finds a bedroom you can rent from a friend, to keep the expenses down. If there are children involved, then you have to make sure that they are a top priority when planning your trial separation.
  • Will you continue to have marital relations while you’re separated? I suggest that you don’t as this will cloud your thinking and why your getting separated. Couples that continue having sex will find it difficult to maintain and focus on healing the relationship.

I have known many couples that have had a trial separation and come out on the other side far better off and ready to work on the marriage. They agreed to stick to their boundaries; they held each other accountable by those boundaries.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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