When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on February 13, 2017 by drbrooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

My friend, Ray, beat himself up and wouldn’t forgive himself for putting his dad in an Alzheimer care center. He promised he would take care of his dad after his mother passed away. His dad got so bad; he was driving his car on sidewalks, wandering around the neighborhood late at night. His dad wasn’t eating. Ray would drive 12 hours to check up on him. The next door neighbor would keep Ray updated.

Ray’s dad couldn’t forgive Ray putting for putting him in a nursing home, and Ray couldn’t forgive himself for making his dad angry.

The traveling was hard, and the worry that his dad would get in an accident or die from exposure was too much for him. Ray had to get his dad to a care center. His dad told his son Ray that he was the worst person in the world. Ray was filled with guilt, and he couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done. His dad passed away six moths later. After talking with Ray, we covered the pros and cons of putting his dad in a care center. Ray realized it was in his dad’s best interest that he get professional care. He had let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness and now lives a happy life.

One of the tools I gave him was to start thinking positive thoughts and make some positive changes in dealing with his guilt. Look at the good things you have in your life, I said. Do you have a family, love on them? If you do, center your time and affection on them. What can you do for them that they would appreciate or need? Go out of your way to help others who could use your help. I feel serving others is key in part of taking your life back. Make them the center of attention. This is a great way to let go of unwanted guilt and unforgiveness.

Now you need to let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness. Create a safe place to go to get away from all these negative feelings that you have lived with. If you keep bringing up the guilt, you’ve been living with how can you add a positive outlook? Get involved with counting your blessings. Who can you thank who has helped you in the time of need? Are there errands you can do for someone you know is not feeling well? Helping others is a good way to take the focus off the guilt you live with and do good by helping others. You are in control of your feelings; you are solely responsible for letting go of the dark days you have lived in. Now you’re responsible for getting into a new and healthy way of looking at things. Life is good if you allow it to happen. It’s all up to you.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on February 6, 2017 by drbrooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I recall a while back a man that I knew hurt several people including himself. He was so into himself that he took advantage of his family, friends and co-workers by asking to borrow money. He used it for drugs and gambling. He almost died of an overdose and got his life together. He had many things he needed to get taken care of. He needed to make things right with the people he used and hurt. He went to each person and personally apologized for his actions and paid the money he borrowed with interest.

Don’t wait for problems to come to you, go fix them while you can!

The guilt he had and the unforgiveness he carried with him disappeared when he made things right. My friends the healing you need has to take place in your own heart. You have to let go of the guilt, shame, and the unforgiveness you have placed on yourself. I like to say this, confessing to God and asking forgiveness for your past is also part of your healing. If God can forgive you, why can’t you forgive yourself?

Once you have forgiven yourself, the next step is to STOP being critical of yourself and beating up on the people you love and care about. Some people who just can’t let it go, keep believing that there is no hope for them and believe this lie they keep telling themselves. Stop already; you’re not this horrible person you keep telling yourself that you are. That is behind you. Remember that!

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878

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When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on January 30, 2017 by drbrooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Can you identify the hurt that you have and just can’t let go of it and is killing you inside? I know we all have hurts that we live with. Some are unspeakable and create great pain and frustration when we think about them. I had shared this story before about a situation that happened between my mother and me when I was 12 years old. To this day it still bothers me on how I responded to my mom when she accused me of something I didn’t do. Now as a 12-year-old, you’d think that I could control what came out of my mouth.

When you forgive you can move forward with your life

She wouldn’t listen to me no matter how I explained the facts. And I have to say to this day she was completely wrong in what she accused me of doing. My younger sister took something she shouldn’t have. My mom didn’t even question her. This went back and forth for most of the evening. Finally, she said, “Mike give me back the watch that dad and I gave you for Christmas.” I told her “NO” she still demanded it back. I relented, and while handing it back to her, I told her that “I hate you.” I have never said that to anybody, yet I felt that when she didn’t believe me. Looking back, I felt a great deal of pain. I’m not saying I feel guilty about it now. Remorseful, yes, absolutely to this day I do. I have even forgiven myself for saying it. I know what the hurt is, I can identify that. I have let it go and moved on with my life. For some people, they just will not release the guilt. You have to understand that your guilty thoughts, your feelings being hurt, the uncomfortable feeling you have when you think about how you beat yourself up over something that happened years ago has to go. These guilty feelings are making you feel worse and will not allow you to heal. You are your own worst enemy. You have to break this bad habit of unforgiveness; it’s keeping you from the healing you need.

I will tell you that I have replayed this conversation between my mother and I over and over again. I saw us vividly in my mind’s eye arguing over that Roy Rodgers watch I got for Christmas. I have to say it consumed as a kid and even into my early adult years. I felt miserable thinking about it. Then I had an idea. I decided every time I would think about, how I hated my mother. I would stop that thought and focus on positive thoughts. I would think about; I am a good person, I help people when needed, I bring joy to other people’s lives. Believe me that helped me so much overcome the feelings of guilt and forgiving myself for something I said and had done years ago.

I remember telling my mom that I was sorry, she forgave me, and for her, it was over. For me, it was just beginning, of allowing negative guilt to consume me. I said I was sorry; that cleared the air with my mom but not so much for me. I looked in the mirror and realized that wasn’t me acting out the way I did towards my mom. Looking back it was the best thing I could do. If you have hurt someone, I suggest that you go to them and say you’re sorry. It needs to be from the heart and face to face if at all possible. It will help heal your heart and open the doors for healing communication. It’s great medicine.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878

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When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on January 23, 2017 by drbrooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If you live with this individual, you see what their unforgiving attitude has done to their health. It creates all kinds of health issues. Unforgiveness is like cancer to the bones. You won’t get better living in this world of guilt and shame, you may feel lethargic and can’t function. You may have other health issues related to the depression you allowed yourself to have, all because you will not forgive yourself. Here are a few concerns that I have for those suffering from guilt and self-unforgiveness.

  • Heart-related problems
  • Lack of sleep
  • Lack of concentration
  • Depression
  • Tense muscles
  • Fatigue
  • Digestion problems
  • Unexplained illnesses, there are many more chronic illnesses associated with guilt and self-unforgiveness to list here.

In order to forgive others, you must forgive yourself.

I want to look at what your next steps should be and how to move forward and take back control of your life. You need to be brutally honest with yourself when making a self-evaluation and letting go of the guilt that you carry.

What did you do that was so bad that you couldn’t let go of? Put a name to it, identify it by name. By doing this, you start the healing process of self-forgiveness. Here are the four common mistakes we make in life and for some can’t forgive themselves for failing in these areas.

  • We give up on things that are traditional in our minds: like relationships in our marriage, family
  • Our actions have deeply wounded someone we care about
  • We have self-inflicted physical or emotional pain on ourselves by bad habits, Like smoking, alcohol abuse, overeating, etc
  • You failed to act when you were needed; you didn’t reach out to someone who desperately needed your help. Like family crisis, or disagreements you could have settled in your family.

Understand why the way you feel and how to deal with it in a healthy manner.

Can you specifically in detail name what the pain was that you caused someone? If you can share that with someone that you can trust this can help you sort out the details, you need to talk about. Keep in mind that we all make mistakes during our lifetime. You aren’t the only one who has messed up. We’re all in that boat with you. What would sharing with someone do to help me heal? Once you tell someone what you’ve done, this helps you understand that confessing opens the door of healing by realizing everyone makes mistakes. It helps you face what you have done and keeps you from being in denial and forgetting what you need to work on. It’s pretty easy to bury the hurts and past under the carpet and not deal with them. I can guarantee that these feelings of guilt will not allow you to forget if you don’t deal with them.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself for something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need.

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“Matters of the Heart” Relationship seminar on Divorce and marriage (Free)

Posted on January 19, 2017 by drbrooks
“Matters of the Heart”
Relationship Seminar and workshop series (Free)
Divorce and separation
February 4th 11:00 AM to 3:00 PM
Event Location: Gilpin County Community Center
250 Norton Drive, Blackhawk CO 80422
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services will be conducting a seminar on divorce, separation, and bad relationships in Blackhawk, Colorado. We also will be talking to those who want to save their marriage or have a better marriage.
Matters of the Heart seminar series will be hosted by Dr. Mike Brooks Ph.D., AACC Board Certified BCBC Counselor, LCI Certification and AACC Board Certified BCMCLC Master Life Coach.
Many of you know Mike from the articles you have seen in newspapers, his blogs or have heard him on the radio. Mike is noted as one of the 30 Best Writers in Counseling and Psychology Blogs in the United States. He’s been counseling and coaching for over 30 years.
 
This will be an interactive workshop and seminar. Your presenters are highly experienced and professional in the areas of Counseling & Coaching: Marriage, Divorce, Divorce recovery, Separation Management, relationship concerns, restoring your marriage, improving your marriage, dealing with blended families, divorce past the age of 65, and children of divorce. Sign up for this free seminar at http://www.mattersofthehearts.com/
Some of the seminar topics:
Marriage and Divorce workshop and seminar: Learn the reasons why couples divorce and remarry. How to prevent a divorce and build a better marriage. The secrets to getting healthy after your divorce and moving forward with your life. How to let go of the past and create a new future. http://www.mattersofthehearts.com/
Are you considering Divorce? If you are, this seminar is for you. Know the pro’s and con’s of a divorce and how it will impact your children and loved ones.
Divorce recovery: What are my next steps after my divorce? What about my kids, my finances, my relationships, my boundaries. What I should know to protect myself from unhealthy people.
Why people divorce past the age of 65 and the dynamics of preventing it. Older couples are getting divorced more than ever before.
Blended families and how to make it work: most people feel that blended families are easy to handle, both parents having been in previous marriages think that blending the kids and parents will be a smooth transition. This is far from the truth. It will take more communication and understanding to make it work. Learn tips that will help you through the process of actually blending your family together. http://www.mattersofthehearts.com/
Children of Divorce how to help them through the process: Most children struggle with their parent’s divorce, no matter what the age of the children, even adults whose parents divorced. Learn how to help them through their struggles and disappointments. This is a great seminar for parents considering divorce and their effects on their kids.
The secrets to a better marriage: What makes a great marriage better? How would you like to learn the art of great communication and prevent unnecessary arguments? How to date your spouse and renew the love for your spouse. The 5 Love Languages is a great learning tool to improve all marriages.
Bring your questions, share your thoughts. Don’t miss this opportunity to interact with Counselors and Coaches who can help you with your relationship concerns. Call now to register for this free seminar and workshop on “Matters of the Heart.” Space is limited. You can sign up at http://www.mattersofthehearts.com/ or call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878 for additional information.
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When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on January 16, 2017 by drbrooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have heard many stories where some people just can’t forgive themselves for either something they have done, or what someone did to them. It’s sad that we live in a world where so much hurt persists. It’s even sadder when we continue to beat ourselves up for something we should have let go and moved on with our lives years ago. Why some people hold on to self-unforgiveness, which continues to hold them down and prevents them from living a life with a clear conscious is beyond me. The freeing effect to function in everyday life is yours just for the taking. That next step is up to you if you allow yourself to let go what is holding you back.

Forgiving yourself will start the healing you need

While you carry this unwarranted and undeserving guilt, do you realize the effects this has on your family and friends? The people you love want you to have the freedom of moving on with your life and enjoying being a part of a healthy family. This problem is common, and the symptoms are so clear to the loved ones who live with this person. Keep in mind that the people who can’t forgive themselves live in a cold and closed world. They can’t enjoy family functions nor can they allow themselves to laugh and enjoy life.

So, what does a family or friends see when this person is critical of themselves? The negativity in these people is classic and disheartening. This individual is constantly critical with interactions with family members and friends. They often prefer to be by themselves. They snap back at loved ones and avoid interactions with acquaintances. They often hide and avoid meaningful conversations with others while beating themselves up. They can be very difficult to live with and make you feel depressed after hearing their negativity. They keep mentioning over and over again they don’t know why there still alive. My question for these people do you want your family and friends to suffer right along with you?

Let’s face it, if you want to be miserable the rest of your life, the ones that love you will feel the pain you inflict on them by your outlook on life. Many will suffer because of your actions, right along side you. Think about that for a moment. Do you care about those who love you and do you want to draw them into your being miserable? Honestly, I don’t think so.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

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The Day you Decide to Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on January 9, 2017 by drbrooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The next question to ask yourself, is there something your spouse can do to convince you to hold off on seeking a divorce? This is a fair question to ask yourself and to anticipate when asked. I would have a plan on how to bring that up and what needs to happen when you answer that question.

When thinking about divorce, spend time weighing the pros and cons of filing.

I had a client whose husband was always playing softball and never home. His wife had had enough of it. She was checked out of the marriage and had already talked to a lawyer about getting a divorce. She was left alone at nights while he played softball and never had help in raising the kids. Her two older boys aged 7 and 10 asked her why “dad” was never home. Her response was, ask him maybe he can tell you. The straw that broke the camels back is when he missed one of the boys birthday parties. Her parents were asking what’s going on with her husband and demanding why he didn’t show up for his sons birthday party. She was frustrated and said, he has chosen softball over his boys. Her mom and dad were livid.

They paid for her to seek help from a lawyer and talk about getting a divorce. After speaking with a divorce lawyer, she sat her husband down and let him know she was going to divorce him and take the boys and live with her parents. He was shocked and pleaded that he would change and give up his softball and be home with the boys. She said that she would have to think about it. He did some deep soul searching and knew he was wrong in picking softball over his family. They got marriage counseling and restored their marriage. Keep in mind that most people who want a divorce will give good reasons as to why they want one and the person who wants to save the marriage will give up hobbies, alcohol, bad habits to keep a marriage together.

In closing, if you want a divorce and there is no way to restore your marriage, be kind, be understanding and most of all be considerate of how you treat your spouse. They may have been through some difficult times and need your support even while getting divorce papers from you. Divorce is hard on everyone. You should know that how you present your position on divorce is critical and important to the person that you once loved. Being gentle is not a weakness but shows maturity and kindness.

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

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The Day you Decide to Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on January 2, 2017 by drbrooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The day you decide to divorce there will be many things you have to consider. Who will your divorce effect? If you have children, they will be the most challenged in your immediate family circle. Your family, parents, brothers, and sisters, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, for the most part, will take this hard. I think it best that you have a game plan on how to share the news with your family and close friends. Consider those in the family that you trust to share with them your views and insights on your divorce. If you have a known gossip in the family and you know that they will add their personal insights to your private business and share it with others, do not share with them. They will be a problem for you in keeping sensitive information private.

Unhappy couple arguing about a possible divorce

Have a plan on how to talk with your spouse. You need to let them know why you have chosen to take this route and your next steps. Be forthcoming in your reasons and don’t sugar coat your reasons. Be upfront and truthful for obvious reasons. This will be difficult enough when you sit down and share the reasons why you want a divorce. Listen patiently and don’t get angry or upset when they challenge you. Not everyone will sit back and say something like “hey, that’s a great idea let’s get divorced and as soon as possible.” Most likely this will not happen.

Here are some things that your spouse may say that doesn’t want a divorce from you;

  • How long have you been thinking of wanting to divorce and why?
  • Let’s get counseling/coaching so that we can save our marriage
  • What about our children they need both of us in the same house
  • Oh you have said this in the past, I know you don’t really mean it
  • Please give this one more try, I’ll do better in our marriage
  • No, I will not sign any papers giving you a divorce
  • We can’t financially do a divorce, forget it
  • You’ll get over this, you always do
  • I’ll kill myself you just wait and see
  • I’ll do anything you want me to do, anything to not get divorced

There will be many reasons why someone who doesn’t want a divorce will fight it. Making promises to change behaviors that they can’t possibly keep. Hearing these pleadings can be heartbreaking. That’s why if you can save your marriage, and get help in deciding what is right for you then just do it.

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878

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The Day you Decide to Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on December 27, 2016 by drbrooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have spoken to several clients who are just fed up with the state of their marriages, and out frustration, are angry that no changes are happening. What do they do? Many just go and file for divorce. Their done and have felt they have given it they’re all. They have talked, begged, and pleaded with their spouse’s, to get help for their marriage and go to counseling with them. Many divorces that happen are done out of spite or ignorance. There are many well thought out divorces, and they have all their ducks in a row. They have done all their research, and emotionally they are ready, come hell or high water. The best advice I can give you is to explore ALL your options. Look at the pro’s and cons and the ramifications of what your divorce will do to you, and to your kid’s.

Death Of A Marriage

Seriously, it’s up to you to do your homework and see what you can do to figure out all options. You have several areas that you must consider before filing. What will happen to your children? Living arrangements (where will you live)? Will you need to sell your home and move to an apartment? What about your finances, child custody arrangements, retirement plans, friends, etc? There is so much to consider in your divorce process.

Take some time just by yourself and reflect on why you want a divorce? Ask yourself, what will a divorce do for you? This will give you some insight on your next steps. I had a client do this, and she called me thanking me for giving her this advice. She took some time off of work and sat down at the kitchen table and put pen to paper and came up with several solutions and decided which one would work best for her. She struggled with her emotional feelings about her husband, and her children, but she came to the conclusion that she would give counseling one more try. She sat down with her husband and shared with him her thoughts on divorce and what they could do to avoid it. They both came up with a plan and made it work. I know many people who get divorced cannot stand their spouses and want out of their marriage and have come to that conclusion with no hesitation. All I’m asking is for you to get alone by yourself and pray, think and have facts before you decide. This will help you make a wise decision for your future.

How many people do you think want to get a divorce for one or more of the following reasons.

  • Marital unfaithfulness, habitual cheater
  • Emotional affairs, the internet, texting, and phone
  • No longer in love
  • Finances
  • Step-children
  • In-laws
  • Drugs and alcohol addictions
  • Roommate relationships
  • Poor communication
  • Trust issues
  • Disrespect and verbal abuse

This certainly could be a very long list if we added some of your reasons. Now looking at this list, how many of the reasons listed above could be helped with counseling/coaching? I would say most under the right conditions. Some people see no help in trying to restore their marriage relationship. They have decided to give up no matter who tries to talk to them. They have been burned and want out.

If you have decided to divorce and there is no turning back, I have advice for you. Have a plan before committing to divorce. Make sure that you understand the laws of your state and what has to take place. Seek good counsel with a plan that allows you to be fair and not vengeful towards your soon to be ex. If you have children involved in your divorce, make sure that you’re respectful towards your spouse. Even in divorce you can show mercy and be fair without pounding your soon to be ex into the ground. Bitterness can and will drag you down and make you feel worthless in public opinion. So, avoid getting even or revenge on your soon to be ex. You have to be above board when dealing with your ex and their lawyer. The more fighting you do between each other and through your lawyers in the long run will be costing big bucks. Trust me on this!

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! You can call him at 303.880.9878

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The Day you Decide to Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on December 19, 2016 by drbrooks

The Day you Decide to Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had a client who shared his angry feelings about his wife with his close friends at a bar one day. A few of these friends didn’t like his wife because she complained that he was out partying with his friends and not home with the family. So, here was an opportunity for his buddies to get payback at her for asking him to come home after hanging out with them. My client listened to his friends, and one of his co-workers convinced him to use his divorce lawyer that he used (just to check out his options). Without talking to his wife about his feelings and while he was all worked up went and spoke to this friend’s lawyer. The lawyer said that he would take his case if he needed him. So on the advice of his drinking buddies he filed for divorce, his wife was served divorce papers having no clue what her husband was up to. When served she tried calling him at work and he wouldn’t answer her calls. She then went to his job site and confronted him with the divorce papers she was served. He gave her the silent treatment, and she was asked to leave the job site by his bosses for creating a scene. She was an emotional wreck and tried keeping peace in the home with their children. He moved out and went and lived with his friend who suggested that he get a divorce and talk to his lawyer.

What is your marriage worth?

In our first meeting, he mentioned to me it was fun at first, he and his friend went to bars, parties and drank heavily at the house he stayed at. He would go to work hung-over, and his co-workers would encourage him to stop going to late night parties. Some of his friends at work told him that his personality was changing for the worse. His bosses confronted him one day while at work and said that he’d get no more warnings about being late for work or being hung-over, the next time he would be fired. His friend that he was living with said that he shouldn’t let people at work tell him how to live his life. Well, you can imagine, he lost his job for being hung-over and not being able to do his job.

I will tell you, don’t share your marriage troubles with outsiders. They will give you bad advice and have no invested interest in you or your spouse’s marriage except to be a busy body (gossip) and give you bad misinformation. Here are my tips for keeping your private issues private.

  • Talk to your spouse first, before sharing with friends or family
  • Make sure that if you have any conflicts between you or your spouse talk them out first
  • Avoid sharing any information about your marriage with a known gossip
  • Encourage you and your spouse to seek counseling/coaching before talk with a lawyer or filing for a divorce
  • Be honest with your feeling why you are talking about wanting a divorce
  • One of the main reasons for someone wanting a divorce is the lack of communication. It’s a problem that you can work on and address right away.
  • Listen well when talking about getting a divorce, what are the reasons and can you both agree to work on trying to resolve the problems.
  • If you do share with someone, please get someone who has no bias opinion of either of you. Find a straight shooter who cares for both of you.
  • Make sure that your children are not involved with the initial process of trying to figure out your next steps in divorcing or not divorcing.

Ask yourself these questions; am I filing because I’m angry and doing it out of spite? Have I thought through all my options of trying to save the marriage before I file? What are the real reasons I’m filing? Have I tried marriage counseling/coaching with my spouse? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call he can help with this difficult process of deciding on your next steps and what to do. Call him at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! 303.880.9878

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